(Closed) Budget/guest list drama- looking for some outside perspectives!

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I agree with the PP, you’re very fortunate/blessed to have any help with your wedding. I would be grateful for the amount your parents are contributing. You and your Fiance can make up the difference for the wedding you are envisioning. 

I understand you’re disappointed in their method to communicate the revised number to you… But try to focus on their contribution…

The good news is my Fiance and I paid for our wedding. We are stable financially. It was great because no one in our families could hassle us about what or who they wanted at our wedding. 🙂

Post # 17
6863 posts
Busy Beekeeper

realhousebeesofwb :  100 is still a fair number of people to host. You and your Fiance are fortunate to have this support. You have choices–you can be grateful that your parents are willing to pay for a party for 100 people OR you can perhaps cut some things you want to have, take on some more of the expenses yourselves and (if your parents/hosts are in agreement) bump that number up a tad OR you and your Fiance can wait until you can afford to host a reception for 200 people. 

Post # 18
8969 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

realhousebeesofwb :  My guess is that they looked at what you worked up and thought “seems reasonable.” Then when they started crunching their own numbers and factoring in other things, they realized it wasn’t going to work after all. I’ve been helping a couple loved ones plan weddings recently, and had this experience, even after visiting the venues. We left thinking a nice wedding would be possible for X dollars, but after going home and combing through everything, realized that the included “cocktail hour” was only 2 appetizers — meaning only 2 choices and only 2 pieces (total, not of each) per person, and their “free cake cutting” doesn’t include plates or forks.

There was nothing at all wrong or rude or inappropriate about their text message. I’m sure it was disappointing, but it would have been disappointing no matter how they said it. “Your wedding budget won’t allow for this many people” is not the type of news that requires an in person visit or even a phone call. On the contrary, texting gives people the opportunity to get over some surprise and compose themselves before responding. Nothing in that text message said “you’re a burden”. It said “this budget won’t work for this many people and we love you.” If you still want that kind of wedding and that many people, come up with the extra money yourself. If you are relying on your parents to pay, then accept their help graciously and stop crying when they have to bring you back down to earth. I’m sure it wasn’t fun for them either.

Post # 19
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

the thing is if they are paying and dont want a 200 person wedding that their perogative, its nothing to do with giving you a budget/money and letting you figure it out that would be a substantial gift but that is NOT the tradition of parents paying and people get confused – its not they give you money its they give you a wedding and that a wedding they can see fit to decide limits on


if you want a huge wedding you can pay for it yourself

Post # 20
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

They are paying for 100, if you want more, make up the rest.

Post # 21
259 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

That is understandable that you were surprised by their change of heart. However after further discussion between each other and crunching more numbers they decided they were more comfortable with $X amount of money. I guess it would have been easier if they told you we will give you max of $X and if you want more then you and Fiance have to kick in more.  

But now just accept what they generously can give you and if you want more than save to pay for it yourselves. It is not the end of the world if you have 100 guests. Many people have less . Or trim your budget elsewhere and do alot of DIY

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