(Closed) Budget/Money/Loans issue

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
7806 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Given all the unknowns and your wedding being almost two years away I would just put the planning on hold until after the first of the year. You will then have a better handle on whether or not your father can contribute. I would not borrow money to pay for a big party and there are a lot of options between eloping and a big wedding. Take a deep breath, concentrate on your studies, and revisit the situation in a few months. Good luck, Bee. 

Post # 3
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Congratulations on your engagement! I would not take out a loan to pay for a wedding. 

I would plan the wedding I could afford and then if a parent could later contribute, I would factor it into the budget then (and only then). 

Post # 4
436 posts
Helper bee

I would never take out a loan for a party. Never. Getting into debt right off the bat is never good. Neither is borrowing money from family… it always comes with strings attached.

If you can’t afford the wedding you think you deserve you need to either tone down your wants, wedding wise, or elope or do a basic courthouse ceremony.

Post # 5
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
lwatson1:  I’m sorry you are stressed out by this. No to the loan. No to any loans unless you want to be indebted to a relative (I would not).

Wait and see what happens because you have a lot of time yet. 

Post # 6
3534 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

View original reply
lwatson1:  a loan for a party???  I’d never do that. I’d suggest saving up for the small wedding (you could do something very simple for a couple thousand).  no need to start your marriage off in debt. 

Post # 7
9130 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
lwatson1:  A wedding ceremony is less than $200 pretty much anywhere. What costs money is the big party afterwards. There is no reason to take out a loan to throw a party, especially when you said you’ll have substantial student loans to pay. Have the wedding you and your fiance can afford. If that means the 2 of you going to the courthouse together, there’s nothing wrong with that. If you can scrape up $500 to host your parents and siblings at a restaurant, go with that. I would never recommend borrowing money for a wedding, but if you do, at least borrow it from a bank and not your family. It puts them in a super shitty position. If they know you need money and they want to contribute (and are able to), they’ll offer to give you some money. Don’t ask for it, even as a loan.

Also, regarding this: “between not being able to help my father (he is very upset about this)” — you CAN help by not talking about wedding planning or finances in front of him, and just planning the wedding you can afford so he doesn’t (mistakenly) feel responsible for you going into debt over a party.

Post # 8
7398 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
lwatson1:  I would never take out a loan for a wedding. Never. I also would never ask to borrow money for a wedding. While it’s very nice your dad was able to do that in the past, and had intentions for you, sometimes life gets in the way. It’s not anyone else’s job to pay for your wedding, that falls totally you and your fiance. I’m not against being gifted money, but it’s not a requirement nor should be expected. Plan the wedding you can afford to have.

We have become so caught up in the party of a wedding, that I think we lose sight that really it’s about the marriage. I say this as someone who had a huge blowout wedding. We were very greatful to my parents for gifting us a large sum, which we then added to and had the wedding of our dreams. That being said, prior to their offer we were going to plan a wedding within the budget we had ourselves. We also were much different in that we were a bit older, long out of college, working full time for many years, and already owned a home/cars.

I don’t think you have to elope, but you can certainly plan a smaller more casual wedding that still includes your closest family and friends, and stay within a smaller budget. You’ve got two years to plan, I wouldn’t start doing anything until at least a year out.

Post # 9
47439 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There is almost always a compromise. In your case, it does not have to be a big wedding or an elopement. There is the middle ground of a small wedding, perhaps in a private room at a favorite restaurant.

Post # 10
764 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Do not take out a loan for the wedding. I have student loan debt and we are still planning our wedding two years from now. The next 6-7 months we are focusing on aggresively paying down debt and then we will start to save for the wedding. A small party can be done with saving a reasonable amount month to month, while still being able to make payments on debt.

Post # 11
4233 posts
Honey bee


My $0.02?

I would save for the wedding with a realistic budget for you both. If your wedding ends up being smaller than expected, I’m sure that you’ll still appreciate it.

If your father is ever able to contribute a similar amount to you, as he did for your siblings, just use that money for housing or some other significant life expense. 


Best Wishes, Bee.

Post # 12
390 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I would definitey wait a bit to start planning especially since your wedding isn’t for at least 2 years.  You can have a completely affordable wedding it just takes thought and creativity.  Give it a few months then you will have a better handle on things.  You can figure out what you can afford without taking any loans from anyone.  

 With your wedding so far off I wouldn’t start too much now even if you had the money because you will change your mind about things!!  I did in just planning a year. I signed with my venue a year ahead and started planning.  Took a break from December to the end of April and my vision changed and so did my finances.  

Try not to talk to your dad about wedding planning at all.  As a parent this will stress him out more with the potential losing of his job after 38 years and wanting to give your children everything they want.  Trust me!!  I am an older bride with children and that is why my wedding planning got derailed for a few months!!  

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by  cookiebird.
Post # 13
7624 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Big nope from me for taking any kind of loan, through an institution or family members. As your wedding is still two years away I would just put all thoughts of the budget on hold right now.

Post # 14
4239 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Huge huge huge NO to taking out a loan from your family.  If you want a bigger wedding, you will likely have to wait a bit longer to save up for that.

Post # 15
5867 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

View original reply
lwatson1:  I don’t think you should take out a loan.  You said yourself that you’ll already have a lot of student debt.  Why pile it on?  once you finish school your goal should be to get out of debt as quiclky as possible. I also don’t think you should take an interest free loan from a sibiling.  While I’m sure they’d be happy to help you out, your “interest free” basially comes out of their pocket since they should have been earning interest on all that money.  And it’s still debt.  Don’t do it.

So what should you do?  Simple.  Just plan the wedding you can afford.  I would wait until you are 1 year out from your intended wedding to start planning.  This will give you more clarity.  Maybe your dad will find a new job and his offer to help will be back on the table.  Maybe not.  Then you can decide if you’d like to have a small simple wedding for a few thousand dollars, or delay until you can afford something more lavish.  

It sounds like you are young and you have lots of time, so you’ve really got a world of options available to you.  Just don’t take out a loan.  You’ll regret it.  

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