(Closed) Budget:Money:Resentment

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
2359 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

we are going through this right now.   We are paying for everything up front, not on credit. His parents and mine have put forth a little money but now, we are 3 months out, and i’m almost ready to postpone the wedding.   We had a financial set back with our cat who got really sick and i’ve spent over 2,000 on our cat in the last 2 months. 

I’m really in a state of panic right now, he doesn’t want to postpone the wedding, he thinks we can do it.   We actually went to the bank the other day to apply for a small loan, still waiting to hear back about that because he has an issue on his credit that he needs to get resolved first. 

i’m just ready to snap.   I knew what the original cost was going to be, but i didn’t anticipate spending that much on my cat in a short period of time.  and now i feel screwed and defeated. 

Plus my work has been a little slow lately so that is also affecting my income.  Also  i’ve had dental issues that i’ve been paying for as well which was unexpected. 

I really hope we can pull this off.  I think we can still do it, but it’s really frusterating only paying for tiny bits here and there… and everytime i think about anything wedding related, my mood instantly changes to stress and anger so it’s hard for me to talk about it with him because he doesn’t seem stressed and he seems to think it’s going to be ok.  I just don’t see it, and he’s not showing me or tellling me what makes him think it’ll be fine. 

Post # 5
Member
2359 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Soon2BeeMrsG:  exactly.  i feel as though something is always coming up other then the vet and dental…. birthdays, weddings, anniversarys,  my co-workers keep asking why i never come out after work for drinks etc.   i don’t want to tell them i’m broke.  I just really wish i could enjoy the process right now, but i just can’t, and it even caused a huge fight between us the other night.

Post # 7
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I paid for my first wedding with the money I saved during college….ex-H didn’t help at all.  Wonder why we’re divorced?

So the second time around (DH’s first) we planned a Destination Wedding and paid for it ourselves.  We came in around $8k including our int’l flights.  We wanted it to be fun like us and it was.  I’m also glad I didn’t worry about all those little things…they weren’t necessary and nobody missed them. 

Post # 9
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I completely understand.  We are paying for ours entirely ourselves.  We had a good budget, which we stuck with diligently.  But guestlist issues this week have revealed an extra few thousand dollars we weren’t expecting to spend.  It is too much for me to wrap my head around.  We have spent so much.  All money I was okay with.  And this little bit extra makes me sick.

Post # 11
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it’s just a natural part of the process, especially when you’re talking such large sums of money.  I know I personally can’t spend more than $200 or so without feeling a little sad, no matter where that money goes to.  The wedding bills make it worse, partly because the numbers are so big (we’re looking at $12k for catering and that makes me want to sit in the corner and suck my thumb), and partly because we know that these expenses only buy us a few hours of ceremony and reception.

When we had to come up with $21k for a new roof, I just about wept openly, and that’s for a roof that #1 we cannot possibly do without and #2 has a 30-year warranty! So our  $25k wedding makes me ache.

You just have to accept it the best you can. Let yourself feel a little twinge of guilt or even remorse every now and then, but don’t dwell on it. You’re already too far down in the process to back out, and dwelling on it will only make it worse. 

Post # 12
Member
2359 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Soon2BeeMrsG:  Yea, we always do…  It just sucks and i feel bad about being moody due to the money situation.  

Post # 13
Hostess
11166 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

@Soon2BeeMrsG:  Absolutely. All those little things that we of course don’t always think of add up and it can be overwhelming.

The last week before our wedding money was the number one topic with me desperately trying to figure out all the costs pending, it was really frustrating. All I can say is thank goodness for my wedding planner who made it all okay.

You don’t have to go super overboard with the gifts. I would say it is more important to give a meaningful gift than a lavish one. We made a budget for each of our wedding party members and stuck to it.

Post # 14
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@fishbone:  You make a good point.  Anytime I write a check for major home repairs (I’ve done a big project every other year…concrete, a wall, windows, new exterior paint) I feel the same way I’m feeling about these final vendor checks.  It is just sad to see the balance of that savings account deplete, even when the funds are going to their earmarked destination.

 

@Soon2BeeMrsG:  I will say that you are several months further out from your wedding than I am.  If you feel like you are having all of these extra expenses NOW, then you need to sit down and evaluate your budget as a whole.  Because there WILL be extra, unexpected expenses again in the last 4-6 weeks.  A wise Bee forewarned me six months ago that I should have a $1000 in “I just want this wedding to be over with” money.  I’m grateful to whomever that was, because that cushion is helping lessen the blow from my unexpected extra guests.  But I’m still short a couple grand and will be scrambling to move money over the next few weeks.  <3

Post # 16
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Just to make you feel a bit better – this happens to everyone I think. There are all those sneaky little things you never really considered that crop up close to the wedding as you tie off all your loose ends. We were cocky and thinking our wedding would not exceed $10,000. Yeah, we were wrong. All told I think we’ll end up in the $15,000 range. We’ve cut some corners and cheaped out on a few things, but we’re finding that it really is all the little things that add up. Chin up! Don’t despair! For us it was about choices. You can have most of the things you want, but not EVERYTHING you want. I wanted amazing food for our guests, so I spent $200 on my dress. I wanted my Fiance to buy a new suit instead of renting a tux, so we’re not doing flowers at the ceremony or reception and we’re limiting them to bouquets. It’s all about balance. If you look at your wedding and all the plans you have in place now, and you CANNOT see getting rid of anything or downsizing anything, and it’s all things you can live with, then don’t change anything. If you struggle a little bit in the home-stretch, just make a deal with yourself and with Fiance that you will not put more than $X on the credit card to pay off after the wedding. That amount could be $1000. For us $1000 can be paid off in one month if we skip contributing to our savings for that one month. You need to decide on that number between you, and come up with something easily manageable.

I just keep repeating to myself “at least I’ll never have to do this again….thank goodness I only have to do this once!”. I’m generally a frugal person….but for once, I don’t seem to mind spending money!

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