- 5 years ago
Hi, I’m new to the board and am interested in your thoughts. I’m female and in my mid-30s. My S.O. and I have been talking about marriage for a long time. Late last year we went window shopping together for rings so he could get an idea of my style. We found a gorgeous ring at a jeweler in the area, with a rather hefty price tag. We loved it. Though getting it would take the surprise factor and perhaps the traditionalism of him choosing a ring and suprising me, this ring has been on our mind for months. He couldn’t afford to purchase it at the time and I’m not sure if he could really afford it now either. But he said he wanted to start saving.
So a couple of pointers for consideration. I’ve been engaged before, and the ring I had at the time had an equally hefty price tag. My S.O. is aware of how much my previous ring was worth and even though he doesn’t say it, I think it factors into how much he wants to spend on mine. To me, it doesn’t matter so much that my new ring costs nearly as much; however having had one before I do like the idea of wearing something of quality and beauty.
Over the past several months we have been putting money towards building a home together. We’re anticipating a significant modificaition of our budget due to paying towards the mortgage in addition to all the initial expenses we’ve put towards our home. Focusing on the house has made it hard for my S.O. to focus on saving money for the ring. He’s also been thinking about buying a used truck which will help out a lot living out in the country.
Because of budgetary concerns I’ve started looking at rings online with alternate gemstones that are just as lovely as the one we saw in the store. One in particular that I found on Etsy is very inexpensive (less than 10% of the cost of the one we saw at the store) but of decent quality and has ethically sourced stones (sapphire surrounded by diamonds). I read the store reviews and they were all wonderful. I showed it to him and asked him his thoughts on it, to which he replied “but you’re worth so much more than that.” I told him “I’m worth more than a ring of any price so what’s the difference? We need to save.” But I still think he is uncomfortable about paying so little for a ring.
(I’d show you the sapphire ring on this board but there’s only one available and my fear is that someone else may snatch it up… lol)
If I’m to be honest, I am ambivalent. I really hate to see him so stressed out over budgeting. We really have no idea how much time it would take him to save up for the amount it would cost to get that first ring (he is not considering financing it). He already has far more than enough to pay for the one with the sapphire. However, the expensive one we saw at the store does creep back into my mind a lot. It’s one I’ve actually tried on and seen it sparkle in person.
Also, I admit (shallow that it is) that I am worried about others (family and friends) questioning “how much I’m worth to him” if they see a stone that has something other than a diamond center. It shouldn’t matter but it does. I know I could remind them of our house and everything else he’s sacrificed and done for me and my happiness. And I could point out that Princess Diana, by the way, had a sapphire engagement ring. But the thought of others snitching about it bugs me.
I’m thinking a compromise might be to get the same design (of the expensive diamond ring) with a smaller diamond. We’d still have to wait to save for it (which is totally fine with me), but maybe in the end we’d be more comfortable.
Another option is to get the sapphire ring and then if I feel like I’d like a diamond center later; I could swap stones when we have the money for it.
- This topic was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by intertwangled.