Post # 1
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
Hi, I’m new to the board and am interested in your thoughts. I’m female and in my mid-30s. My S.O. and I have been talking about marriage for a long time. Late last year we went window shopping together for rings so he could get an idea of my style. We found a gorgeous ring at a jeweler in the area, with a rather hefty price tag. We loved it. Though getting it would take the surprise factor and perhaps the traditionalism of him choosing a ring and suprising me, this ring has been on our mind for months. He couldn’t afford to purchase it at the time and I’m not sure if he could really afford it now either. But he said he wanted to start saving.
So a couple of pointers for consideration. I’ve been engaged before, and the ring I had at the time had an equally hefty price tag. My S.O. is aware of how much my previous ring was worth and even though he doesn’t say it, I think it factors into how much he wants to spend on mine. To me, it doesn’t matter so much that my new ring costs nearly as much; however having had one before I do like the idea of wearing something of quality and beauty.
Over the past several months we have been putting money towards building a home together. We’re anticipating a significant modificaition of our budget due to paying towards the mortgage in addition to all the initial expenses we’ve put towards our home. Focusing on the house has made it hard for my S.O. to focus on saving money for the ring. He’s also been thinking about buying a used truck which will help out a lot living out in the country.
Because of budgetary concerns I’ve started looking at rings online with alternate gemstones that are just as lovely as the one we saw in the store. One in particular that I found on Etsy is very inexpensive (less than 10% of the cost of the one we saw at the store) but of decent quality and has ethically sourced stones (sapphire surrounded by diamonds). I read the store reviews and they were all wonderful. I showed it to him and asked him his thoughts on it, to which he replied “but you’re worth so much more than that.” I told him “I’m worth more than a ring of any price so what’s the difference? We need to save.” But I still think he is uncomfortable about paying so little for a ring.
(I’d show you the sapphire ring on this board but there’s only one available and my fear is that someone else may snatch it up… lol)
If I’m to be honest, I am ambivalent. I really hate to see him so stressed out over budgeting. We really have no idea how much time it would take him to save up for the amount it would cost to get that first ring (he is not considering financing it). He already has far more than enough to pay for the one with the sapphire. However, the expensive one we saw at the store does creep back into my mind a lot. It’s one I’ve actually tried on and seen it sparkle in person.
Also, I admit (shallow that it is) that I am worried about others (family and friends) questioning “how much I’m worth to him” if they see a stone that has something other than a diamond center. It shouldn’t matter but it does. I know I could remind them of our house and everything else he’s sacrificed and done for me and my happiness. And I could point out that Princess Diana, by the way, had a sapphire engagement ring. But the thought of others snitching about it bugs me.
I’m thinking a compromise might be to get the same design (of the expensive diamond ring) with a smaller diamond. We’d still have to wait to save for it (which is totally fine with me), but maybe in the end we’d be more comfortable.
Another option is to get the sapphire ring and then if I feel like I’d like a diamond center later; I could swap stones when we have the money for it.
Thoughts?
Post # 2
Member
3607 posts
Sugar bee
It sounds like your idea of buying a diamond ring with a smaller center and the setting you had liked would be a good compromise. That way, your SO could still feel like he bought you the ring you fell in love with while not taking too much money away from your other priorities. You can always upgrade later once you build your home, buy a truck, and take care of whatever other non-ring expenses you have on your plate.
Post # 3
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: November 2015 - Old Mill Boathouse
My now Fiance got hung up on the ‘three months salary’ rule (hah! Rule? To who! Debeers?) and I vehemently told him if he spent 3 months salary that I would tell him No. With a capital N. If it really doesn’t matter to you settling on something smaller is your absolute best bet. He won’t feel the pressure and you won’t feel the guilt about worrying that he spent too much. There are still so many things that you can spend your money on, the wedding honeymoon, furnishing your home… Things that will need to have money spent on, and starting your beautiful life together shouldn’t start in the red!
Your worries and doubt show you care about what happens, and you’ll love your ring just the same a few carats less I’ll bet!
Post # 4
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
If you get the sapphire now it will give you time to save up for your dream ring . Dont forget if royalty can wear sapphire as their main stone then I think no one can down it .
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This reply was modified 6 years, 1 month ago by
Spiritway11.
Post # 5
Member
1738 posts
Bumble bee
My fiance’s first ring to me was a beautiful custom made ring with a 0.36 ct diamond of exceptional quality. He knew I wanted a diamond and I didn’t care what size it was so he got me one that he could afford at the time and it was on the smaller side but of very high quality and I absolutely loved it. The ring, along with the custom made wedding band, was gorgeous. I was very, very happy with it. Later on, he bought me a new engagement ring with a diamond that is 1.03 cts, also very beautiful and high quality. I love it because it came from him and I wouldnt’ have cared if he never bought me a second ring. Don’t worry about what people think. Go with something you love and maybe later on when you both have more income, you can upgrade.
Post # 6
Member
4640 posts
Honey bee
You could get something very simple now and then upgrade the whole thing later – maybe a small moissanite? Then get your dream ring later. Your tastes may change too and your dream ring now may be different from down the road.
Post # 7
Member
4251 posts
Honey bee
I would buy what you can afford together, from a vendor with a good upgrade policy, and a simple but beautiful setting. When finances permit, I would get the dream ring. That is kinda the route my DH and I took and it did take 5 years to get the dream diamond and another year to get the setting (after getting married), so we waited a while. But it was so worth it!! And we did not have to wait to get engaged or be ringless. 😉
Post # 8
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
intertwangled: congrats on being practical and realistic. It’s tough sometimes, especially seeing the gorgeous sparklers on here! I got hung up on the same ideas about size and cost, etc. However, past the initial engagement, no one really ever looks or cares, unless it’s a really large or unique (sapphire) ring. Dont get hung up on what other people think, and don’t let him get self conscious about it. At the end of the day it’s a reminder of his comitment and what you can build together, NOT how much he loves you.
Best of luck, and please share the ring when you get it 🙂
Post # 9
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
Thank you so much, everyone. I think he will probably end up getting the smaller diamond ring based on our most recent conversation. I will be more than happy with that though of course am already very happy and grateful where we are now, ring or not! For a little thing it sure does sparkle a whole lot. And it’s a very unique, very “me” design. So when it happens, whenever it happens, I would love to share it. And maybe also share our new home when it’s done; which is really close!
Post # 10
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
intertwangled: Thats great, i think you made the best decision. Congrats and looking forward to seeing your ring.
Post # 11
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
Wow, now that I’ve been reading through the boards and doing the research I’m being swayed more and more to moissanite. And I found a GORGEOUS ring on Etsy that looks nearly identical to the diamond ring I saw and tried on in the store, with a moissanite center and a few extra side diamonds. Now, just to convince the boy!
Post # 12
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
So, it happened, a week ago… he went with the smaller diamond. Well, it happened with some pushing on my part (I know he wanted to save for something bigger but we have so many ongoing expenses for our house and I really don’t need a big diamond). I’ll tell you the story later on (or you can read it in the “Waiting” forum– look for my post there about him proposing on his own birthday), but here is the beautiful ring (sorry if it formats funny).:
I’m over the moon happy!
Post # 13
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
Its beautiful congratulations!!! Its more important to have a home than a huge ring!!
Post # 15
Hostess
6755 posts
Busy Beekeeper
intertwangled: Congratulations on your engagement!! Your ring is stunning. Your center stone is such a beautiful sparkler. And I love the setting design. It is incredibly lovely.