(Closed) Bullies in school

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 17
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think it’s more important to teach children to not tolerate seeing the bullying being done. The majority of children are not bullied and those are the kids that can help to stop bullying nearly completely. I was the bully’s bully. If I saw someone bullying another kid, or picking on another kid i stopped it the best way I could. I stood up for any kid I saw being picked on no matter what “clique” they were in, I didn’t tolerate it and I made sure the bully knew that. Given, I was a punk rock, grunge kid who looked pretty tough so it was easy for me to get the bullies to stop permantely, but still, it’s the children that watch the bullying being done and do nothing about it that I believe cause the most problems. 

Teach your child to stand up for the kids who are being picked on, teach them to be intolerant of the act of bullying and maybe it will stop.

Maybe, if the kids who harmed themselves or committed suicide, watched another kid stick up for them, then maybe that would have been enough for them to continue living another day. IDK, just my thought

Post # 18
Member
2156 posts
Buzzing bee

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@paula1248:  clearly that is an extreme example and if your friends child was sexually assaulted, she hould have reported it to the police.

I didn’t say that we should ignore bullies and focus only on the victims. Prevention needs to come from all angles, which includes teaching kids to “toughen up” some, not only focusing on teaching kids to benice- which doesn’t work. 

Post # 20
Member
2909 posts
Sugar bee

@cbgg:  I would be on the school constantly and relentlessly and continue to insist that they deal with the situation until it stopped. IF the school proved incapable of handling the issue, I wouldn’t keep my child at that school. The consequences of being bullied can be very serious emotionally and can last for a person’s entire life, and if I had to choose between leaving my child in a position of being abused and taking him/her out of school entirely, I would choose to protect my child.

I was seriously bullied in middle school, junior high and high school, and I can honestly say that it has affected my self-esteem badly and possibly permanently. “Just ignore them” is terrible advice, for what it’s worth. I mastered the art of ignoring the bullies’ words, learned not to cry even when I was being physically abused, literally learned to pretend that people did not exist, and it didn’t do a thing to stop the bullying. Also, no kid who is being tortured wants to hear that the bully is “jealous” or “really wants to be their friend but doesn’t know how to ask” or “is probably bullied at home and you should feel sorry for them.” Most of that is crap, and even if it’s true that the bully has a mean older brother or whatever, that doesn’t help the child who is the target of the bullying.

Post # 21
Member
3075 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

What was that thing called , I think bystander effect, where bystanders dont react since they assume someone else will? Hope im correct, anyways I think this will happen with kids they won’t stand up because of this, or they don’t care or they are scared of being the bullys next Target.

What I would do? I don’t know and I hope I never have to figure it out. Maybe change schools depending on how severe it is & I would try to let my child know that I an there for them.

Post # 22
Member
3075 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

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@Jijitattoo:  

+1! Exactly! I would be bullied + physically assaulted a few times standing up to them doesn’t do squat when its 1 v.s. 5+. Yes there were plenty of bystanders, like I mentioned no one cares, you can’t rely on bystanders.

Post # 23
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@MichiganGirl24:  My friend was the person being assaulted. She was 17 and felt she had no one else to turn to. It was a very sad situation because I could literally do nothing to help.

OK first you said “bullying prevention programs… don’t work”. And then you said “Prevention needs to come from all angles” so I assume you say some prevention programs do work? Personally I think punishment needs to be an important part – it’s hard for someone to bully when they’re expelled. Just like in the adult world, where bullying can get you sacked or prosecuted.

Post # 24
Member
2156 posts
Buzzing bee

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@paula1248:  the bullying prevention programs that are trending and that most schools are using do not work, so yes MOST bulkying prevention programs in place now do not work. Also, expullsion and zero-tolerance policies also do not work. Trouble makers don’t care if they ger kicked out of school. 

Post # 25
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@MichiganGirl24:  They work in the sense that the bully can’t bully if they’re not at that school anymore.

Post # 26
Member
2156 posts
Buzzing bee

 

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@paula1248:  for a certain amount of time. But the bully will come back to school. Whether its in a few weeks or next year. Doesn’t solve anything but postpone bullying for the time being. 

Post # 27
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@MichiganGirl24:  Not here they don’t. They have to find another school. I think they also sometimes spend time in special remedial schools. This might sound harsh but I don’t care so long as they’re away from me (or now: my kids).

Post # 28
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@cbgg:  I was bullied in school, all through grade, middle and high school.  It was horrible and no one did a thing about it.  Please, if anyone has a child being bullied, ACT.  I don’t know what works, but I do know that inaction leaves terrible scars. 

Post # 29
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I was bullied to a minor degree throughout school. I refused to ever tell my parents, not wanting to be ‘that kid who ran to mommy and daddy’ (yes, I know, flawed logic, but it’s how kids think). I think if I had a kid that was bullied, I would first teach them that they have the power to not let words hurt them, and 2nd, I would likely enroll them in some self-defense classes.

ETA: I eventually learned how to keep a poker face while being made fun of. Just pretended it didn’t bother me, and eventually that worked.

Post # 30
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

The bullying issue is one that seriously affects me.I was brutally bullied from the age of 10 to 16.I was always a very frail looking girl and the bullies started picking up on me ever since day one at the new school.I was brutally beaten several times but always managed to hide my bruises but once they kicked me so hard on my back that I was unable to move and had to be taken to the hospital,that’s when my mother found out what was going on,I never told her because I was too scared…I spent a few days in the hospital and luckily nothing serious happened but my mother went to my school to talk with the director but it didn’t change anything,the bullies stopped for a while but after a few weeks they came back in full force.The school year ended and I was hopeful the next one would be better but it wasn’t,I was sexually assaulted outside the school and I was so ashamed of it,thinking it was my fault that I told no one,the beatings continued until I couldn’t take it anymore,I told my mother and she took me out of that school but the police got involved,I had to talk to them,it was so stressing and I hate to remember it,I had to start seeing a therapist because at 13 I was showing signs of depression.The new school was no better,the bullies from the other school found out where my new school was and started hanging out with my class mates,spreading lies about me,telling them I had been sexually abused by a family member,that I had several std’s,horrible things.Everyone at my new school avoided me,they didn’t even wanted to touch me or sit next to me,4 years had passed in my new school and I had no friends,the only time they talked to me was to make fun,I attempted suicide because of this situation at the age of 15,I started self harming,I hated myself…At 16 I was finally done at that school and ended up choosing a professional school where my classmates were older and those two years were the only peaceful years I had at school.This whole situation left very deep psychological scars,I struggled with depression and self harm for many years,at 16 I was diagnosed with a severe anxiety disorder and later with bipolar disorder.Of course I can’t say that I’m bipolar because I was bullied but I have the feeling that I wouldn’t be so psychologically affected if none of these things had happened.Nowadays the word school and bullying makes shivers go down my spine,I’m 24 and I still have nightmares about those times.Maybe this is not the right solution but due to what happened to me and my severe trauma I have decided that I will want my kids to be homeschooled.I have learned that children and teens can be so cruel,it’s so frightening to think about what some of them are capable of doing.I’m sorry if I went into much details about my situation but this is a subject that I like to discuss and thankfully it has started to get more attention in the last few years,when it happened to me we didn’t even knew there was a word for it in the country where I lived.

 

 

 

Post # 31
Member
4843 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would talk to the school and the other kids parents exactly once about the situation. After that, my kid has full permission to punch the other kid square in the chops. Bullies do not respond to authority, reason, rules or threats. They do not understand consequence or empathy. If I could go back, I would not try the turn-the-other cheek crap again. 

I would also not be opposed to confronting the kid myself. My brother was bulled relentlessly, as was I. But in the case of my brother, the bullying was almost always dangerous. When he was in grade 1 a grade 6 girl was trying to kick him in his crotch and shove him into traffic. My mom had tried to go through the proper channels about this girl. My mom came onto this scene. She grabbed this girl and screamed in her face full force. The girl was so scared she peed her pants. After that it stopped, at least from that girl. 

Yes, I would sink right down to the bullies level. Taking the high road was not worth it. 

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