- 3 years ago
- Wedding: October 2018
This may be more of a vent/rant, but I would love friendly advice and nice words.
Hubs and I have been together for 6 years and married for two months. I’ve always had problems with his mother (and he has the same issues and is well aware).
At the wedding/ during prep. She was adamite about having a say in the seating chart (long after it had been set) I was very proud of my seating chart, though I had to add an extra table for the people she invited and didn’t RSVP for until the day before!
Hubs and I decided we would have a sweetheart table because we had assorted family in our wedding party. This meant I had a table on my side of the sweetheart table for my family (Mom & Dad, Maid/Matron of Honor, and her husband-an usher, and their three kids – a bridesmaid and two pages/ringbearer) and another table was set on his side of the sweetheart table for his family (Mom & Dad, Bestman and his wife, his niece and nephew (bridesmaid and page/bearer) I was very happy with this seating arrangement, as I wanted our family and wedding party to be close. This basically made a three-table headtable.
When hubs and I arrive and have our grand entrance to the reception. I find that Mother-In-Law is sitting with some guests (which was ok, as I assumed she was chatting) But when we all sat after prayer, she had scattered the family away from the table. She was sitting with guests, bestman and his family were sitting with cousins or aunts and uncles, and bridesmaid was at the cousin table. When it came time for the toasts we had to hunt down the bestman (as he wasn’t where I thought he would be).
I know this is super unimportant, and it in no way affected how the wedding went, but it did hurt me inside, that she wouldn’t sit where I had honorable placed them (at basically the head table) And that Mother-In-Law found it appropriate to change around everyone’s seating.
I was prepared for her to change a few things behind my back, which is why I was a pretty laid back bride, but again this hurt!
Which brings me to our “daily” lives pre and post wedding. She’s always been a “bully”. I’m uncomfortable and borderline scared to be at their house. She has an overall very negative attitude and usually complains about minor things at hotels and restaurants. It’s practically impossible to take her anywhere without her finding a fault in something and voicing it.
She yells. I can’t walk from one room to the next without hearing her skreech my name. It is frightening at times. She’ll demand that I come and give her a hug after she shrieks and will continue yelling at me from her lazyboy recliner until I come into the room and give her a hug. I shudder sometimes when she walks up behind me because I’m not sure if she’s going to poke me hard in the arm (where I’m hypersensitive) give me a bone-crushing “massage” (that I know she knows is too rough) hug me or who knows what!
Hubs is aware of her behavior, and he’s learned to just accept it. In our early dating, she upset him so much in public that he started crying, which only lead to her upseting him more by talking about and shaming him for crying. This was when I really saw her for who she is, because she’s very good at putting on a nice face for others.