(Closed) bully of a mother in law…super long rant. how to handle?!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Geez, what an uncomfortable situation. I would be cordial when I saw them, but not go out of my way to befriend them. I know how you feel, my fmil has a similar personality. I just limit my Interactions with her. 

Post # 4
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

re: kids, tell them you’ve tried REALLY HARD but your husband has a low sperm count and you’ll have to wait until you can afford IVF. total sadface. 🙁 🙁 That’ll probably shut them up.

Post # 7
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My advice to you is to ignore them as best as you can. If you bring it up your Mother-In-Law will probably say, “huh? What are you talking about” just like the sister and then things might be awkward. So yes, that is my advice for you. Is it what I would do? No. But I am very outspoken and there is no way I would let that go over and over. I’d play the game back and I’d play harder to make a point. I don’t believe that someone being a relative excuses rudeness or bad behavior. If she made comments like that in front of other people you can bet I would respond with something that would make her look like an ass. Thats just me though and probably not what the popular opinion will be here.

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
23 posts
Newbee

I spent 30 years of my husband’s family functions sitting and smiling woodenly. They just are not the kind of people I’m used to. His mother and sister constantly picked at me and tried to control us in the beginning, which I set straight quickly. After that I simply tolerated them for his sake.But his mother continued her jabs and barbs throughout our marriage. Sad, though, cause my kids didn’t really bond with any of them, as we didn’t go over often. They grew up much closer to my side of the family, who live much farther away. We could have been close, but they made it too difficult. Sorry for your situation. These are in-laws. They aren’t friends. So you don’t need to really do much but show up once in a while and sit and smile. Just ignore the stupid comments. Sounds like their attempt at humor. You will have your life together, and they will have theirs. Probably pretty different lives, from what you wrote.  It doesn’t need to intersect that much. Worked for me, although it isn’t the way I would have liked it. 

Post # 9
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I really don’t have any advice to make it better.  However, I can relate since I’ve spent the past 7 years sitting in the corner being ignored at family functions.

 

I moved to the Netherlands 7 years ago to be with my husband (then boyfriend).  My inlaws are fantastic people and as an only child, I’m thrilled to have a SIL.  However, it’s the rest of the family that can jump off a cliff for all I care.

 

I was the first foreigner into the family (aside from and Indonesian cousin, but the NL had occupied Indonesia so apparently that didn’t count) and they didn’t understand why hubby fell for me and brought me over.  Also, they kind of expected me to walk off the plane fluent in dutch.  I’m nowhere near fluent.  I can get around, but not carry on an indepth conversation.  Frankly, I’m bad at languages (finished spanish in highschool with a barely passing grade) and find it akin to torture.

 

So, the pattern for oma’s birthday for the past 7 years, and family week, has been the following.  Everyone comes and assesses my fluency in dutch.  Even though I’m pretty ok now, trying to deal with my accent (guess it’s a pretty thick american accent to them) is too difficult and they can’t be arsed.  So that’s really the last time anyone talks to me.

 

I think around 2 years ago I stopped trying.  Of course, around this time they started doing the same to my hubby and inlaws…kind of ignore them.  Until last year, my parents thought I had been exaggerating for the past 6 years until they were invited to Oma’s birthday by my Father-In-Law (they’re family too, so why not?).  An uncle, whom my parents had met at my wedding the year before, walks up to them and asks them what the hell they’re doing there.

 

Then proceeds to ignore them to the point my mother actually turned and looked at me and asked if I could see her.  LOL

 

So yea.  It really, really sucks but all you can do is take the high road, be nice, and do your part.  However, when it gets bad, you don’t need to subject yourself to the insults…just find a reason to leave.  That’s what I do.

 

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