- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
I’m venting here because I can’t talk to my husband about this… I mean I def. have talked to him about it but at this point there’s no sense in beating a dead horse. I have complained to my own mother and friends but let’s be serious– everyone gets sick of listening. Here goes..
my husband is great- I’ll start with that. We have a great marriage and are newlywed for about 6 months now. When I first met his family they were great– his mother and sister/sister in law all were welcoming and friendly. I felt an instant connection to them and went out of my way to call/hangout with them. Slowly things began to change… throughout the wedding planning process I felt the first withdraw from my husband’s sister, who is about 5 years younger than me. (I’m 25 and she’s 20)…she began to completely shut me out, give me attitude, refuse me hanging out, etc. My husband blammed it on her low self-esteem because she gained a considerable amount of weight and the girl who once commented on my “cute outfits” and asked my fashion opinion suddenl started ignoring me at family functions. I felt like this may have been wedding-planning drama so I eventually confronted her before we got married. I asked why she seemed distant, if I had done anything to upset her, etc. She of course responded with “what are you talking about” (passive aggressive)….and denied acting any different.
My husband’s mother can be described as nothing else but a bully. She thinks its “funny” to make sarcastic jokes and pick on me in front of others. When it’s just us one-on-one she’s actually nice but once there’s an audience for her she rips into me. She can be very intimidating and attacking. She actually called me one morning at 8am, waking me up to discuss how much my husband had spent on my engagement ring and how she felt it was too much money, etc. (really what the heck was I supposed to do at this point– he had already proposed and I did not tell him what to spend on my ring or have anything to do with it.)
As an example, my Mother-In-Law will be obnoxious at family functions.. she constantly makes loud comments about how spoiled I am. At the last baby shower I attended with her she made an obnoxious comment about how “my husband buys me everything”…. in reality, she is very keen on my thrift shopping and clearance scores. I don’t buy expensive things unless it’s a special occassion. I buy most of my things at thrift stores, clearance racks, marshalls, etc. and she def. knows this.
Also, She’ll make loud comments when I walk in a family party and say “who are you” “hi stranger” making me feel dumb as if she hasn’t heard from me in a while… I am a very busy girl. I’m finishing law school and my husband and I work very hard to acheive our goals. We don’t have a lot of free time for family and instead of being understanding his family always makes me feel guilty. If I have to leave a family party to study or can’t make something because I have class they give me a hard time. They do the same to my husband about work and his schooling too.
In a nutshell, I know my husband’s family thinks i AM some spoiled brat who’s graduating law school and comes from a relatively well off family. My husband doesn’t mind buying me nice gifts on occassion but he is not living beyond his means. No one in my husband’s family is college educated which is FINE. I would never ever be judgey or snobby about that stuff but they just don’t understand the committment I have with school. Also, I feel like a jerk just saying this, but to get a better idea of the situation.. his mother and sister/SIL are very heavy and I am not over weight. They used to always make comments about me being thin, or make “funny” comments about my “fat ass” (oh but it’s okay because they’re bigger than me) or how I don’t eat anything. Mind you I am not a little twig- I’m just average weight.
I don’t even know if this rant makes sense at this point. Basically his mother, sister, and sister in law who is married to his brother seem to be VERY cliquey and the isolation is what’s gotten me to this point of writing on a blog to strangers. I don’t have the time to attend every family dinner but I DO TRY!~ if I can’t make something I will come later or try to rearrange my schedule… but once I get there no one talks to me and if I try to strike up conversation it’s like pulling teeth with them…I feel like they’ve got an attitude with me but they’re all just chummy to each other.
oh and another thing… we’ve been married for 6 months. I have no job and my husband and I are both in school. We aren’t exactly financially well off together and career wise are no where near where we want to be… but EVERY single family function his mother makes comments about when we’re having kids! Mind you we’re only 25! I’ve very seriously said “i really don’t want kids at this point.” or “not for a very long time” I’ve even taken it to the extreme and said stuff like “i hate kids” but yet everytime she makes a comment like “well you guys when you think you’ll start having kids” or “geez I’d like another grandkid what do you say” at easter his dad straight up walked up to me and said “you gunna have a baby?” WTF?
sooooooooo the point of this long, poorly spelled rant is this: should I confront his family and be honest and say something about how they’re hurting my feelings? I feel like his mom is sort of a pro-bully. She’s loud and always putting people on the spot. I wonder if I should just play the game back… It’s not in my nature but neither is having a heart to heart with someone who is belittling me and making me feel bad…. advice?