posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
5035 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I can understand how you felt triggered but if he indeed was using Bumble for networking rather than dating then I don’t see why he should need to disclose this to you prior to the fact. 

He shouldn’t suffer consequences due to another man from a former relationship causing distrust. I am not saying to ignore your own instincts but I think it important to differentiate between legitimate concerns and perhaps anxiety driven trust issues.

It seems you reacted quickly and in an attacking manner which could possibly discourage your boyfriend from being open with you in the future.

Advice?  Consider individual therapy to discuss anxiety and trust issues.  Communicate calmly and clearly with your boyfriend and perhaps establish boundaries that are fair to him but also respectful of your own feelings.

Post # 3
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I’m sorry, Bee. It sounds like your intuition is right. Does he have a legitimate reason to use Bumble bizz? My coop tried using it to advertise for part-time drivers and we found it was just okay… I could see it working better for a freelancer in need of an assistant or someone in a creative industry, and maybe that’s what your SO does. And if it was a career thing, why hide that from you?

Post # 4
10034 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

What’s he do for a living?

If it was bumble biz then there was no reason for him to hit the home screen and stop scrolling when he realized you saw what he was doing. If he was doing something on the up and up he would have said he was on is phone and kept scrolling. 

Post # 5
284 posts
Helper bee

He’s backpedaling and just saying it’s “for business.” If he was truthful he wouldn’t be trying to hide his screen or use the app only when you’re asleep. Your intuition is telling you all you need to know. I’d dump him ASAP. You’ve lived through the trauma of being cheated on once, don’t stick around long enough for it to happen again. 

Post # 6
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I’d be concerned if he was trying to hide it from you.  If it’s really just business related, he shouldn’t be sneaking around with it.  Doesn’t mean he’s doing anything wrong, but it seems concerning.

also, the fact you haven’t fought in 3 years together?  EVERY couple should face argument/conflict at some point, over something.  Ideally in a healthy way.

and then he says he doesn’t “plan” to cheat?!  No, it should be “I’ll never cheat.”  Not that we can predict the future, but there are some things that should be against personal values and morals, and for him to word it that way gives me side eye.

Post # 7
2520 posts
Sugar bee

Bumble Biz? Yeah right. I find that very hard to believe. Especially late at night in bed and he hides the phone and stammers when you catch him… I don’t know about you but I hide my LinkedIn from Fiance, nor do I use the app on my phone in bed. 

Post # 8
501 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry, bee. I know you are hurting. As my mom usually says, where there is smoke, there is fire. Plus, there are better ways to network that aren’t offshoots of a dating app.

Post # 9
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

jujubean0911 :  uh yeah…I mean, I think you definitely let your anger get the best of you but I’m not saying it may have not been merited. I think it’s sketchy he hid the phone from you and wasn’t being open with you from the get go. Like, if my honey was doing that, I’d be like ‘whatcha doin?” and he wouldnt hide it and tell me and we’d be cool. But the fact that he hid it is mad mad sketchy to me. 

Post # 10
1857 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Trust your inctincts bee.

As other PP’s have said, I find it hard to believe he was using the app for business contacts if he felt the need to hide it from you.

what kind of business is he in that he needs to use bumble biz anyway? i’ve heard it’s super terrible to make business contacts with. Shouldn’t he like, be using LinkedIn or something professional? 

Dating site apps don’t necessarily translate to business even if they have a ‘business mode’.

Post # 11
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Why didn’t he show you the screen as he was talking about it and ease your conscience by showing you what the app was all about? 

If I were you I’d go up to him and say “So that Bumble Bizz sounds cool can you show me how it works?”

See where that leads. 

Post # 12
10985 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

jujubean0911 :  

“I’m trying to make some new contacts for my job/business.  Here, what do you think of my profile?”

That would have been the response of a man with nothing to hide.

Post # 13
635 posts
Busy bee

Nope nope nope. If he was legitimately using it for business he wouldn’t be sneaky about it. And given your history with trust, that’s even more of a reason that he should have been open and honest from the start if it was legit. 

Post # 14
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

This may be my own bias talking, but saying he was using Bumble in Biz mode only but also hiding the screen from you sounds a lot like “I’ve just been talking to her behind your back as a friend.” The actual act may be innocent, but there could be suspicious intent or feelings behind the act that are leading him to hide it just in case.

Granted, you did react aggressively, and he may have had a knee-jerk defensive reaction in return. It is worth having a calm discussion again about expectations in regards to social media. 

Post # 15
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

The rule I live by, and the one I expect any parter I have to live by, is don’t do anything you wouldn’t do with your partner watching/looking over your shoulder. If I have to hide it from someone I’m in a relationship with, I’m probably doing something I shouldn’t be doing.

I am also a firm believer that initial impulse reactions tell the real, true story. His initial impulse reaction was to hit that home button fast so you wouldn’t see what he was doing. That tells you everything you need to know. He didn’t want you to see what he was doing, because he knew what he was doing would upset you. And I can’t think of any scenario where anyone would be upset by innocent networking on a phone app.

I don’t buy his explanation at all. He’s trying to save himself with flimsy excuses because he was caught. If it were me, I would ask to look through his phone and watch his reaction. My guess is it wouldn’t be a good one. 

Sorry, Bee. This stinks.

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