(Closed) Bummed about Bridesmaids

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Could you add to your bridal party? Choose your friends too? It might make your sides uneven, but then instead of hoping the role makes you close to someone you’ll have people you’re already closest to celebrating and preparing with you.

I would approach it like, “I hope you understand, and I should have done this too start with. I’d love you to be a bridesmaid.” (Add more, but that type of thing?) 

 

Post # 4
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I picked mine way to soon and i dont feel any cnnection with 3 of my 4 bms.

 

Im not worried about it though. Im going to have that moment with my mom and my best friend before the wedding. 

 

Post # 5
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honey, I totally understand. I picked my Maid of Honor and was planning on only having her. She got engaged shortly after and was so self-centered, stealing every single one of my ideas, and being very rude and undermining, so I had to stop being friends with her. I added my Future Sister-In-Law as well, and well, that’s not been too great, but she’s offered to help with stuff. Now I’ve added my 2 cousins in America (I’m in England) and my friend in Germany, and to be honest, I’ve done every single thing myself except for writing names on favors. It really sucks, and I was very down about it too, but you learn to get used to it, which isn’t ideal, but it’s necessary. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I wish you could maybe add some more on or take them out of your bridal party so you’re happier. xo

Post # 7
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Could you maybe have mani/pedi day with some of your non-bridesmaid girlfriends? Seeing as you’ve already talked with them about how they can’t afford to actually be a bridesmaid say “you are still a special part of my wedding as my friend and I’d love us to have some girly time together before the wedding seeing as we won’t be on the day”?

I’m only having one bridesmaid (my gorgeous sister) and sometimes I wish I had more so that I could have all that time with my girls too but I figure I can still do all those other things with them anyway!  They are my “unofficial” maids ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 8
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m not gonna lie, I don’t really have a lot of female friends.  I’m still trying to figure out how in the hell I’m gonna get a bridal party together.

Post # 9
Member
8359 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

The thig is you can’t force a relationship. And you can’t compare other’s bridal party experiences to your own. Most of the examples you mention- the bride probably picked girls that they have a close relationship with.

I think you should have chosen those nearest and dearest to you but you didn’t so you just have to work with what you got I’m afraid. Maybe try and find something that they are into and suggest that or ask them directly what their idea of a girls day out is! Invite them out (together or individually) for coffee or to come over for dinner etc. relationships take work and making someone a Bridesmaid or Best Man wont instantly a relationship make!

Post # 11
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Can you ask some friends to help out in other ways?  That way you can still have them at the rehearsal if you wanted (depending out what they were doing) and they could get ready with you etc. 

Post # 13
Member
9917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Britk:  Hey, you don’t have to have eight people on each side…average is four or five, I think, and that’s still a lot!

 

@OP: You probably don’t feel connected to your bridespeople because they’re…not your friends, it seems like.  I don’t understand why you wouldn’t have your closest friends be in your bridal party…so try to include them as much as you can, and just keep your chin up about your bridespeople.  =)  My bridesmaids are all close friends and one of them has barely said two words to me about my wedding.  The other three email/text pictures and ideas all the time, but it’s so frustrating that this one girl is so disinterested.

Post # 14
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@coffecups:  No not at all, half the reason I asked a friend of mine to read and be my “aisle pusher” was because I wanted her to join in the festivities!  

Post # 15
Member
2692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

The problem is you put them in your wedding party to try and force a relationshp with them… you chould have just chose people you are already close with to begin with.  I am sorry this happened though.  I would be delighted if someone asked me to be in their wedding (barring they were mean or demanding).  Also, since it is YOUR wedding, they just aren’t that invested in it.  Just hope they do stick it out and stand up there on your big day.  You can still have all those ‘grily’ moments with your close friends or some of your closest family members.

Also, I think sometimes we set our expectattions too high when it comes to weddings. I have no expectations of my bm’s except that they bu their dress and shoes and show up.  Anything else is extra. I went dress shoppig on my own… made all my DIY stuff on my own… went to a few vendors on my own.  It’s no big deal, I love doing it and since it is my wedding and I want things to be done the way I want them done, I have no problems doing it all my own.  My bm’s have offered to help out and I might take them up on their offer (although  did bail on her offer twice) but they have lives and out of the 3 of them that are local, I am the one that doesn’t have a fulltime job outside the home so I have more time than them as well.

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