Post # 1
Hey guys, just wanted to vent a little here. I’m nearly 30 years old, so a lot of my friends have moved away, gotten married, and one is expecting her first child. I feel like I’m a little behind the times, but I’m totally okay with that. The issue is that all the women I want to ask to be my bridesmaids live all over the US. Three are in LA, one in Colorado, one in Baltimore, and another close by in Atlanta. My friend in Atlanta is one of my newer friends, but since she moved we’ve become more distant as she pursues her career with a highly irregular schedule. There’s always some kind of schedule conflict when we try to meet up, and its frustrating because I often feel like I’m the one making the effort to hang out and she is always the one with something going on, but she never offers to reschedule. It makes me depressed because she is the one “local” female friend I have right now, and I can’t even spend time with her.
I’m not one of those brides who expects her bridesmaids to do all sorts of things for her. Really, I just want to go dress shopping with some of my girls or maybe a crafting Saturday to make some things for the wedding. Just having fun and spending time together — but it’s difficult, if not impossible to coordinate. I applied to be on “Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta” just because I thought it would be a good excuse to ask my friends to fly here (“home” for most of them, who have moved away) — because otherwise I would not ask them to make that trip just to look at dresses. Another option is looking at dresses in LA next time I’m out there, since three of my friends live in that area now.
One of my friends is pregnant with her first child and I am hesitant to even ask her to be a bridesmaid. Being a new mom is hard, and that might be too much to ask her to come here for a wedding. I think her child would be 9-10 months old at the time of the wedding. What do you guys think, should I ask just to see what she says? Again, I don’t expect her to do any work for the wedding apart from pick out a dress and share the day with me.
I guess I’m just feeling a little down and distant from a lot of the women in my life. I think movies and TV shows make weddings look like so much fun with all your girls by your side, but in reality I think most people don’t have that option.
Anyone else in my shoes? How did you make it work?
Post # 3
“I think movies and TV shows make weddings look like so much fun with all your girls by your side, but in reality I think most people don’t have that option.” This. You nailed it on the head (in most cases). In reality, people have busy lives, and it’s tough to fit things in with careers, kids, families etc. I’m 31, all of my bridesmaids have kids. 2 of them live hours away. One lives closer, but is super busy. In the beginning of my wedding planning I didn’t know how to feel. One of my bridesmaids who lives out of town hadn’t called me in a few weeks, and I started overthinking things, wondering if she maybe didn’t want to be a bridesmaid anymore. In reality, she’d been busy, and of course she still wanted to be a bridesmaid. I’ve learned that YOU will be the one who cares the most about your wedding. It’s not like others don’t care at all, but they won’t be as focused on it. I think brides (myself included) spend many hours in a day thinking wedding, wedding, wedding – trying to sort out logistics/details etc etc. In doing so, we wish we could have someone to sort out everything with us. Unfortunately, although others will be happy/excited/looking forward to your wedding, you will be the one who cares the most. Your girls love you, they’re just busy girls. Try not to stress. 🙂
Post # 4
I’m similar from the standpoint that I’m one of the last of my friends to get married and my four bridesmaids are all over the place. Two are out of state, one is four hours away and has four kids under the age of seven (my FSIL), and the other is about 30 minutes away. The one bridesmaid who is good at keeping things straight and getting things done is out of state.
I do feel lonely that I won’t have anyone nearby to experience this with and, when there was freetime, to help make things or meet up. The friend who is 30 minutes works 40+ hours a week and is looking to get a job out of the country. She has offered to come with me to get me measured.
When the official planning begins in four weeks, I’ll be e-mailing everyone so everyone has a way to contact each other (the four don’t know each other, which I feel is so strange!) and I hope to keep them up-to-date as much as possible.
Post # 5
My Maid/Matron of Honor (best friend for years and years) got married in 2009… So she was dress shopping in 2008 — I was her Maid/Matron of Honor, but I couldn’t go with her because I was recovering from a severe car accident. Of course she found her dress on the first day she went dress shopping! I was sad that I missed out – Her mom did her best to include me, sending me pics on my cell etc… But I was sad because that was an experience we had always dreamed of having together
Fast Forward to 2011. I’m engaged, going dress shopping. Now, my Maid/Matron of Honor lives in Italy! So, she didn’t get to be there for my dress shopping either 🙁 It’s sad to me that we missed this opportunity – But we both did our best to include each other… I sent her emails with the pics etc…
Like you said, the picture perfect movie world idea of wedding planning isn’t a reality for most people