Post # 1
Okay, so here’s the thing. My fiancé and I have been together for 9 years. We are not kids. He is 40 and I am 33. Our wedding is now about 3 months away. We are also having a very small (approx 35 people) destination wedding. Because our wedding is small, we have opted for his brother and my sister to be our BM/MOH and furthermore, our ONLY “wedding party.” Now, things you should know is that I’m 7 years older than my sister/MOH (granted that makes her an adult at 26 yo). Here’s the problem…. I DO NOT expect my much younger sister to plan extravagant bachelorette or bridal showers for me (I could really care less). im fine with neither (as a former bartender I can assure you I NEVER want one of those cheesey tacky bachelorette parties… I’ve seen too many… Enough with the inflatable penis things ladies). Anyhow, what I DO have a problem with is my sister/MOH who is now all of a sudden planning her non-existent wedding to her out-of-state boyfriend of 1year!!! Like I said, I don’t really expect her to plan things for a shower or whatnot… But please don’t text me pictutes of engagement rings for yourself (potentially) when you haven’t even figured out your Maid/Matron of Honor dress (only rule given is that it be neutral colored). Am I crazy or is this just super rude? Like I mentioned, my fiancé and I are older and have been together for 9 yrs! I kind of thought my much younger and only recently in a relationship sister, would have a different attitude.. Seems very competitive.
Post # 3
I don’t think what she’s doing is all that rude. Your wedding seems to have gotten her excited about weddings, so now she’s thinking and dreaming about her own.
Her texting you about her non-existent wedding and failing to make a decision about the Maid/Matron of Honor dress may be annoying, but as long as she does what she needs to do, the day dreaming can slide.
Try to treat the fantasizing and her completing the tasks for your wedding as separate issues. That way the focus will be on her getting the dress and not on any misperceived comments or nonsense like that. If you don’t need to bring up the day dreaming, don’t. The dress is what’s important.
Post # 4
As long as she is still going to do what needs to be done, why does it matter that she is looking at engagement rings? She can get excited about her potential engagement, while still being there for you on your big day. You get a day, not a year, so you can’t exactly ban her from thinking about other weddings besides yours until yours is over.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
She sounds more clueless than rude. She’s probably just inspired by the wedding planning. 😀
Post # 6
So… What exactly are you upset about? The dress she hasn’t picked out? That’s pretty valid- she really should get on it. But that doesn’t mean the only think she should think of is getting the dress- there’s more to life than that.
That she’s planning a wedding? Many women who aren’t in relationships are doing that, simply because it’s fun to dream. Plus she probably caught the wedding bug.
That she’s planning a wedding with her one-year out-of-state boyfriend? Well, I knew about 3 months into dating my now Fiance that we were going to get married, and we were in a long distance relationship. (And younger than your sister!). It kind of sounds like you’re comparing her relationship to yours, and really you shouldn’t do that… Every relationship is different.
Post # 7
Thanks for the replies ladies. I think maybe what I wrote was misunderstood. Of course a girl can daydream… I’m not angry about that. My frustration is that she has done literally NOTHING for me this far (including picking out her own dress) but she will spend endless hours researching rings for herself. I think it’s very weird. She really doesn’t even ask me how things are coming along.
Post # 8
@Wildemel: I feel you. My stepsister hasn’t asked me anything about my wedding on March 8th, but instead has made it a point to mention this pirate wedding of hers to her boyfriend who hasn’t proposed yet. I dont even bring up my wedding and she’s like , “did I tell you about my pirate wedding??”. Yes. You did.
Not only that, I am being forced to help her find a dress yet she has no desire to even entertain me when I send her suggestions. Instead, she’s been looking at prom type dresses. She’s not a bridesmaid, and has no obligations for my wedding. I just know it’s 2+ months away and I doubt her boyfriend has looked into his attire and doubtful she even has given her dress a second thought. I don’t want my dad blaming me for her showing up in a tacky dress, saying I didn’t help her.
It doesn’t help she’s been married (courthouse with no one invited) twice.
She can at least ask me one question about my wedding.
Post # 9
Ah, I see.
You may have to take her to a store and make sure that she doesn’t leave without a dress or take it upon yourself and buy one for her.
Have you talked to her about this? Maybe if you talk to her about this and tell her in plain English how important it is that she get the dress before a certain date, she’ll get her butt in gear and get it. If she still doesn’t do what she needs to do, maybe she just doesn’t need to be your Maid/Matron of Honor.
I’m sorry your dealing with this, but that’s just how some people are. I’m not sure what other things you want her to do, but maybe she’s just leaving these things till the last minute because she doesn’t think they need to be done months out from the wedding. Giving her deadlines for the important things and dropping some of her other jobs altogether may be a good thing to do.