(Closed) Bummed-out-bee :( **vent

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Who’s paying?

Post # 5
Member
3104 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

your Fiance needs to be standing up for you, not bowing to his mom. you are his family and he needs to put your needs/wants above hers. if that isn’t happening here then it’s not going to happen. think long and hard about how your life is going to look– she is not going to ever change. you guys need to change your relationship with her. especially him.

Post # 6
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

ELOPE!  🙂

Post # 7
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Who’s paying for the wedding? You or his mom? If it’s you, then it’s time to put your foot down,  she has no say in it at all… if it’s her, then she expects it to be her way or the highway because she’s paying!

I know it’s not right, but that’s how it is with those shelling out mega bucks for a wedding, they think it’s their “show”.

Post # 8
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

+1 for Elope

Post # 11
Member
4419 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m sorry you’re going through this at a time when you should be very excited and happy.

It sounds like a lot of your unhappiness stems from having lost control of your wedding. When a wedding stops being your dream and starts being someone else’s dream, you cannot help but be sad and frustrated and unexcited about the whole process.

You and your Fiance have to sit down together and discuss what the two of you really truly want for your wedding and agree where you’re willing to compromise with both families. (I said both families, because that helps keep anyone from feeling blamed.) Together you need to take back control and support each other unconditionally in this process. Not only will this make things easier on you, but it will also help him not to feel conflicted about choosing between you and his mother.  Remember: United you stand, divided you fall.

Then, once the two of you have made your decisions and come to agreements on what you will compromise on and what you won’t compromise on.  You need to both sit down together with each of your families and discuss it with them.  Stick together and only compromise on the things that you agreed to compromise on. Don’t send him to deal with his family and you to deal with your family. You need to be together so you can support each other and stand up for what you both really want. 

Good luck!  Try to think positively and stick together! It will all work out. 

 

Post # 12
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Hold up, your parents are paying ad she’s behaving this way????

No ma’am.

You need a quick-n-dirty-come-to-Jesus conversation stat.  Before your Save-The-Date Cards come out.

Post # 13
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

If your parents are paying, you and your Fiance need to be a united front and just say no. He shouldn’t even be considering choosing what his mom is pressuring him into over what you and your parents, who are paying, want. If he doesn’t do something about it now you WILL end up resenting him.

 

Post # 14
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Unfortunately it seems you have already made your problem worse, by constantly giving in to his mother. If your Fiance is willing to stand up to his mom, but then you just go and back down, what message is that sending to everyone? You need to start sticking to your guns and appreciated that your Fiance is man enough to even want to stand up to his mother, for you.

Post # 16
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I would let your dad/parents talk to her. The part I’m stuck on is her not respecting the amount of guests she could invite. She is being so disrespectful on so many levels and it’s literally at someone else’s expense!

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