Post # 1
We invited 122 people and so far we have had 42 decline (34%). We still have 27 people to track down who may or may not be coming. I’ve heard people are on the fence because they need to dress up (business casual- not super fancy), work and just cuz. A lot of people declined who were overseas- which I knew most of them would but I’m really surprised that we didn’t get more accepts. That’s all my Fiance family and he has like 20 Aunts and Uncles and so far only 1 set is coming to the wedding. Part of why I am surprised is these people are loaded with money, many said they would come verbally- as an excuse to take a vacation in America. Everyone has known the date of the wedding for a year and a half- so its plenty of time to put it on the calendar. And my Fiance is kind of bummed out because so far only his parents, brother, and one Aunt & Uncle are coming. And it doesn’t help that his mother is completely against us getting married. So he hoped to have more supportive family at the wedding 🙁
I heard to expect 20% of the guest list to decline. At max we only wanted 100 people but we invited more since everyone said expect 20% to decline. Looks like if we are lucky we might have 80 people. And at the rate this is going I wouldn’t be surprised if it was only 60. Ergh.
Anyone else have a really bad turn out? (Also 80 people didn’t RSVP by the deadline and we are having to call them- ergh!)
Post # 3
A couple of things to think about:
– maybe if FI’s mother opposes the wedding and his extended family knows about it, that could be playing into why more of them aren’t coming? They don’t want to get embroiled in family disagreement or be seen as “taking sides”? No clue if this is really happening, just throwing out a possibility.
– Do you guys have a “wish list” (i.e. your B list of people you wanted to invite but had to cut)? If you can extend some extra invitations now that you have firm declines from your first round of invitations, you might be able to boost your numbers a bit.
Post # 4
I don’t think his mother is influencing anyone as she never really sees or talks to these people. She’s also said she’s embrassed because everyone is so happy for us and she can’t stand it 😛 So she doesn’t want to look bad to family so she’s not saying anything to them.
I was going to invite people from my job as the wedding invites had two different RSVP dates. Overseas being a month before. But its taken four weeks for my Fiance to track down the overseas folks since they didn’t bother to RSVP. So I lost my opportunity to send to a B list. All the invitations are all printed with the RSVP date of Sept 1- I can’t really send them out anymore. 🙁
Post # 5
@JaneDomani: Make some new RSVP cards at home, don’t worry about them matching exactly, they can be very simple.
Post # 6
If you’re concerned about it, is there any feasible way to add a digit to the R.s.v.p. date on the invitation/response card so that it reads Sept. “18” or something like that?
Post # 7
So it gets worse. Current count for my Fiance, his parents, 1 brother, 1 cousin to attend the reception. That is ALL of his family that is coming. 1 Aunt and Uncle said they would attend the ceremony but had other obligations after. I wouldn’t be surprised if his mother flaked out and didn’t come and his father always does what she wants. So only sure thing is 1 brother & 1 cousin at the reception.
We spent extra money making the reception longer than most (didn’t want their plane flight to be longer than the reception), hiring a shuttle bus (since they wouldn’t have a car here, making it so people wouldn’t need to rent them, plus depending on what country they may drive on the other side of the road, so it was easier and safer for them), and just other considerations we made so they could be comfortable and have a good time. I wouldn’t have bothered if they hadn’t verbally said they would come!
Our acceptance is now at 61, we MIGHT have 70 when we get the last of the RSVP in. I’m not sure I would have invited more, but we could have had a shorter reception, less money on invites, less money on decorations (less centerpieces needed) less booze which we bought last weekend, Just grrr!
I’m so mad about the money and I’m mad that no one is coming from his side of the family. They knew the date a year and half in advance! They have the money! They just can’t be bothered. GRRRRRR
Its too late to have a shorter reception. I like the idea of a longer one but with less people the party may break up early. Then all the money will really be wasted. 🙁
We are paying for our wedding ourselves. We have been engaged for three years so we could have a real fun wedding- but it took a year and half for me to find a full tiem job so we could even start saving. If his family couldn’t be bothered we could have gotten married a year ago for maybe a 30 person reception. 🙁
Post # 8
I just wanted to say sorry you’re going through this and hugs! I hope that regardless of guest attendance you have a beautiful ceremony and a fun reception.
Post # 9
We had about half of our invited guests attend (about 90 of the 165 invited). I was actually pretty happy that less people attended, because I’m not fond of large crowds. Less people to feed I suppose (trying to look at the bright side). One person I really wanted to attend (my aunt) did not because she is fighting with my father. I was pretty bummed about that.
Post # 10
Awww, I’m sorry you aren’t getting as many Yes’s as you hoped. I’m in the same boat. It looks like about 1/3 of our guests won’t be able to make it. So I get how much it sucks and how disappointing it is. But try not to take it too personally. Maybe those people who are declining can’t afford it (unless you are someone’s accountant you really don’t know the state of their finances). Or maybe they just can’t get the time off of work.
Also, you still have a month to go, so maybe you’ll be able to cut down on things or return stuff (such as booze or centerpieces). That will help you save money. Then you can use that extra money on something else. Are there any extras that you’ve been wanting but didn’t do because of budget? For example, if we have a lower turnout, we might upgrade the bar or have extra apps or I might get my champagne toast.
Oh, and don’t worry about the length of the reception – I’m sure people will want to party just as long! I’m guessing that with a smaller wedding, most people coming will know each other (or at least lots of other people) and will want to hang out longer. I only leave weddings early when I don’t know anyone and get a little bored. But if I know people I’m more likely to have a good time and stay to the end!
Post # 11
I am also sorry that you are going through this.. and I feel horrible for your Fiance.
I really hope that you two have a beautiful day and end up happy with the results at the end of the day hugs
Post # 12
@JaneDomani: You can probably return the booze! Contact your florist, it’s still a month out, you should be able to reduce the number of centerpieces. I don’t think a smaller wedding will be any less fun or any more likely to end early, but I am sorry that your FI’s family members aren’t able to make it. Are there any others that you would have liked to invited but didn’t – coworkers, newer friends, etc?
Post # 13
A small wedding isn’t that bad. We had 48 at ours and had a truly fabulous day! We paid for our wedding and had little financial help overall so we were never going to have hundreds there, plus, who actually knows that many people well enough to invite them to a wedding? I would pissed though if I were you, you know that those who actually turn up are real friends. I hope it all works out.
Post # 14
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Honestly, I don’t think you’re too late for the B list. A friend sent me an e-mail yesterday for their September 21st wedding- they had a lot of family decline, and can now invite more friends. Ironically, this was couple was on OUR B-list, but we didn’t get to invite them.
And we accepted with pleasure- anyone who’s been through the process knows that the invite list is the toughest part. This will be the second wedding I’ve been to as a B-list guest, and I’m not offended at all… after our recent wedding, I’m looking forward to going to one and just having fun!
Like PPs suggested- make new RSVP cards on your home computer- or get them printed at Staples, etc. Or call/email people. Any single friends who might want a plus one?
Post # 15
I feel your pain. Out of 111 we have 37 accept and 63 decline. 🙁
Post # 16
Final count: 72 accepted,
Included in that count but may not show up
my Boyfriend or Best Friend Dad (due to money needed for travel)
two guests (due to wife having cancer)
two guests (due to work related stuff- I will follow up the week before)
Maid/Matron of Honor boyfriend (money needed for travel)
Fiance parents (because Future Mother-In-Law is mean)
Total of 8 potential drops the day of. 🙁 But I do know that happens and I’m trying not to stress over it.
I can’t have less centerpieces- I bought the materials to make them from several different online vendors (including ebay). I’m making crystal trees. On the plus side I can sell them after.
I can’t return the booze. We drove 3 hours (one way) and bought it at a winery on the way to a family event. I wanted to buy from that winery because its mead (which is special! You were suppose to drink mead for the month after you are married and that’s why its called a “honey” moon) and because it supports a non-profit earth based church religion. I am pagan and our churches are few and far between. So I try to support them when I can. They gave us a good deal on 5 cases but said they couldn’t take as much off if we only bought 4 or less. So between driving back there just to return it and the lost discount- I don’t really see the point.
I did call my caterer and get a reduction of food and I reduced my rental items. That was a total savings of about 1k which did make me feel a whole lot better about the situation. I just wish more of FI’s family would come 🙁 On the plus side he does have a whole table of work friends.