Post # 1
I just got off the phone with my best friend. I’ll call him Joe. Joe and I have been best friends for 16 years. There has never been any romantic interest there whatsoever (he is gay). We even had one of our high school teachers comment that in her 20+ years of teaching, only once had she seen two friends have the kind of friendship that we have.
Anyways, Joe moved about 1,000 miles away. We only see each other once a year, but our friendship has survived some pretty big things (I won’t go into it on the board, for privacy’s sake).
Our invitations just went out, and I talked to Joe on the phone. He is going to be buying a house soon and he’s in the middle of a fairly intense program, so he and his partner won’t be able to make it. They’d have to get two plane tickets, plus everything else that goes into traveling. I also know that Joe hasn’t been working nearly as much because of going back to school.
I told him that I absolutely understand. Just because my Fiance and I are getting married, it doesn’t mean that important things in other people’s lives have to take a backseat to that. Joe has a ton of things going on as well. Plus, airplane tickets are expensive! I went to buy a ticket to go visit my Fiance. It was double what it would normally cost, and that flight is much shorter than what Joe and his partner would have to take!
I know that it’s nothing personal against my Fiance and I, and that he would be here in a heartbeat if he could. I would never want my best friend to put himself in a compromising situation. I’m not mad at his decision–he truly is doing what he has to do, it’s nothing against us, and he let me know as soon as he could. Plus, he has to take care of himself and make the right decision with all factors considered–even if it does happen to suck :-). I just needed a slight pick-me-up.
Post # 3
I know how you feel. When my wedding rolls around, my best friend will be abroad and barred by her grant from leaving the country to come back while her school semester is going on. It really sucks, but you seem to understand that it’s not you, it’s really just financial/school issues coming up.
You have a great friend for him being so up front about it right away!
Post # 4
Oh that’s so upsetting! I am so sorry he can’t make it.
Many of our best friends cannot come :(. Our best “couple friend” that we spend SO much time with already commited to another wedding on the same day! (The wife is part of the bridal party of the other wedding)
One of my 3 rommates from college can’t come she’s also in the bridal party of this other wedding :(.
Also, my very close friend from middle school/college rommate/rommate after college and her fiance, whom we hve spent so much time and even traveled with internationally, are living overseas and can’t come.
So, that’s 5 of our very, very closest friends.
We are trying to focus on the people who can make it- my high school friends, my fiance’s friends from college. But it’s still a bit upsetting.
Post # 5
First of all, I am so glad you are taking this in stride. I know that it really sucks that he can’t come, but I was half expecting one of those “but he should make it anyway” posts.
In the end, I think everybody on here knows how you feel. There is always a few people you really want to come who cannot and it hurts not to share your day. For my grandfather and great aunt who are unable to travel, I am getting a family friend to video the ceremony and Fiance and I are putting together a nice photo book for them, sort of as a “here but not here” way of having them participate in our big day.
Maybe you two can plan a “catch up” vacation once he is out of school and back on his feet to celebrate all of the milestones that you haven’t seen each other for in a few years.
Post # 6
I was really glad he told me right away. He had thought for awhile that he was going to be able to make it. First, it was just him, then it was him and his boyfriend, then it changed back to just him, and now it’s the current situation. I did tell him that I appreciated him letting me know over the phone.
@indiblue: Wow! That’s a lot of people! I’m sorry :-(. It does hurt when people you love can’t make it. You’ve got a really good mindset, I’m going to have to take a page out of your book!
@takemyhand: Thanks for the great ideas! I’m going to find some way to incorporate him in our day. We did talk about taking another trip. He mentioned that he wanted to be able to spend more time with me/us when they come in.
It will be okay. I try to remind myself to treat everyone well and be understanding, because I would still like to have friends after the wedding day, too :-).
Post # 7
@keepsmiling19: It’s tough. I know there will be others who tell us in teh coming months they can’t come either. We are both in international affairs (currently live overseas) and a lot of our friends are too, so many will be out of the country I’m sure.
I did not handle it well when I found out about this other wedding that was happening on the same day as ours. It was a couple I went to school with but wasn’t close to, though several of my close friends were.
My friend who is in the bridal party is extremely rational and this is what she said:
“I’m bummed I won’t be at your wedding. However, you realize pretty quickly that the wedding is a very special day, but that it’s really the first of many wonderful days of your marriage. So we will absolutely miss you on your wedding day and will make sure to visit you after you’re happily married.”
I try to keep that in mind. 🙂