(Closed) Bummer Bridesmaids

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’ve actually heard of a lot of brides paying their own way for weekend-in-vegas type bachelorettes – I think it would break the budget of most bridesmaids to pay their own way + 1/4th of the bride’s.

I understand wanting fun parties, but asking them to spend $200 each to pay for a luncheon seems like a LOT – could you suggest they ask guests to chip in, or skip the lunch and just do tea, since it sounds like you’re more excited about the tea than the lunch? If it’s about half the cost, I don’t see why they couldn’t drop the lunch and keep the tea instead of the other way around.

In the end, remember that these girls care about you and that you enjoy spending time with them – that’s why they’re your bridesmaids, not because you expect them to spend hundreds of dollars on you by the time the wedding rolls around!

Post # 4
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with daydreamer. I would expect to pay for my own way for a weekend trip. Even if they come from money, I wouldn’t expect them to contribute it for fun parties. I can understand that it is frustrating when they tell you one thing and then have to scale it back due to money. They should think it through before promising something – and I agree with that.

I like Daydreamer’s idea of scaling it down to just high tea instead of lunch . . . $43 per person for lunch and tea seems a bit much. Are their other venue options? 

I agree with you that you shouldn’t be selfish and ask them to shell out more for a lunch.

Post # 5
435 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m not sure that I totally agree with your first statement.  Bridesmaids are responsible for quite a bit.  Dress, shoes, accessories, undergarmets, alterations, parties, showers, etc, etc.

It is a little brutal that the bridesmaids got a free steak dinner.  That’s not appropriate. 

I’m starting to learn that this whole process is about what others want to do for you, not what you think they can do for you. 

I’ve been on the bitter bus a little about some of my wedding process.  Things I want that I can’t get. 

I agree with your frusterating about them wanting to do things cheaply but at the same time the wedding process is not cheap for a bridesmaid.  I stood up for a friend over the summer and it ended up costing around $1500.

Post # 6
39 posts
  • Wedding: March 2011

Umm.. to be honest people should just do what they can afford.  And if brides want more than their friends can give them, then they need to get over themselves.  I’m now a bride-to-be and I don’t expect my BMs to suddenly start revolving their life (time, travel, and finances) around my upcoming wedding.  For my friend’s wedding, the two of us BMs responsible for the bachelorette party couldn’t foot the bill for some weekend getaway or dinner.  So we decorated my apartment super cute, made some rum punch and delicious snacks, and planned really awesome fun games–and everyone had a blast.  And, the bride didn’t pay a cent, and no one was bitter about overextending themselves.

Also, your BMs are shelling out a lot of money to be a part of YOUR day.  They’ve probably purchased an expensive dress you chose for them, perhaps even accessories, and may be traveling or even taking off of work for all of the wedding activities.  All that for someone’s else’s shining day.. just keep it in mind when dealing with them 🙂

Post # 7
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Buying a Coach bag vs. spending a couple hundred on high tea for a friend’s bridal shower = not comparable. Moreover, giving them a nice rehearsal dinner does not mean that they have to earn it by shelling out hundreds of dollars on your pre-wedding celebrations. Not everyone has the budget that you do.

Post # 8
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Your BMs are not required to do anything buy buy a dress and show up on time… And you need to let them sort out the shower, as the bride you should have nothing to do with the planning of the shower since it’s a party thrown in your honor.

Post # 9
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I feel that when you ask your bridesmaids to be in your wedding they are accepting and saying yes to a lot of responsibilities. That’s why you ask them and not tell them! I’m 23 and all my bridesmaids are around the same age. I love them dearly but they have barely done anything.

Some of them had to pay a little bit more for their dresses because despite beggining them to order them asap, some had to pay for a rush. They won’t need to purchase shoes as we’ll be wearing flip flops and I’m purchasing jewelry.

They never helped with the bridal shower. My mother put out a good $1200 for it. I’ve done all my projects on my own, I’ve done all the tastings etc. on my own.

Even non-monatary ways they can help, they’ve wanted to do nothing. I know that in the future when accepting a position in the wedding party I’ll be sure that not only I have the funds but the time as well. I hope when my girls get married they’ll look back and understand a little more…

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