(Closed) BUSTED!

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I’m glad it’s worked out!!

Post # 19
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

MS — I’m so sorry that happened, what a BUMMER!  I’m glad it’s all getting worked out.  If I’ve learned anything (going from a ringless crazed bride to be to a complete full on bridezilla 😉 ) is that family and people in general are SO WEIRD about weddings…so I’m not overly surprised at your parent’s reactions but I’m SO GLAD it’s starting to resolve.

 

CANNOT WAIT to see those sparkly ring pics!!!! 

Post # 20
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee

Tell your fiance and then share your joy with the world. Congratulations.  Your mom was probably hurt by the way she found out…nothing more.

Some unsolicited comments (take for what you will):  I like the idea of wanting to do things traditionally (i.e. asking permission from parents etc).  But don’t fall into a trap of believing that your engagement is any less official without a ring.  (Caveat – I am not saying that you are.)  I don’t like the idea of resting commitment and togetherness entirely on a piece of jewelry.  Your marriage is more than that.

Post # 21
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

MS- Sounds like it is working out! I’m soooo happy for you! And glad that Fiance has a sense of humor about the whole thing! 🙂

Post # 22
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

MS – I’m glad to hear it worked out, too!! That is awesome! =) Yay for happy endings! =)

Post # 23
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I had my own mess ups, heres’ two of them with my fiance:

 1)  When my fiance and I started dating, I told my dad (because I was at college and he lived closer than my mother did).  Well my dad told me not to tell my mother about the relationship with my now fiance.  So for about eight months my mother didn’t know I had a boyfriend until my "lovely" aunt decided to blurt out at Christmas dinner with the family that I had a boyfriend (b/c my aunt had met him since she lives near my dad).   My mother was COMPLETELY angry with me and my dad.  I wanted to tell her, but didn’t know how and my dad was just hoping that maybe the relationship was a "fling" and would get over it.

 2) A few days after my fiance proposed to me, I was still in total shock about getting engaged, and I was talking with my parents.  They asked if I was engaged and I said "no".  My fiance was all frustrated that I didn’t tell my parents.  So he decided to propose to me two other times, so we could tell my parents later, that he did propose to me after I talked to them.  I was just so shocked that my fiance would actually propose to me.  As much as I hoped for him to propose to me and get engaged I never expected him to want to get married.

 We all make mistakes.  Parents want to be part of their children’s lives, especially as we become adults they play such little parts in their life…a wedding is a huge step in their daughter’s lives and they want to know and share the excitement and GRIEF involved in it. 

I’d recommend appologize for your inability to mention the engagement and for them to happen upon the site.  Tell them you were waiting on the engagement to be official (with a ring)…since most people wait for the "symbology" of the ring to announce an engagemnet.  Tell them it’s okay for them to feel bothered, but you meant no harm in not informing them.  In creating the website, you were just hoping on getting a jump-start on the planning, and your mother should understand that.

 Good luck, congratulations and I wish you the best., Teresa

Post # 24
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

The bigger issue here to me is that your mom is not excited about your choice. You might want to give her the chance to air her feelings or it might cause uncomfortable feelings between you two, because she obviously has an opinion. Maybe it’s better to let her get her opinion out and hear what she has to say? Then at least she’s had her say, even if you don’t abide by what she says.

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