Post # 1
My Fiance doesn’t talk a lot. I’ve accepted that he will always be that way. He shows how he feels via his actions, not what he says. To me, that’s way better than someone who talks the talk but doesn’t wall the walk. Here’s my issue. I am in medical school and overwhelmed with school work. When this happens, I need to stay late at school and study all night. It’s been a couple weeks of this craziness and the Fiance and I haven’t seen much of eachother (we live together but I am so tired when I get home). The little time we do get together, isn’t enough time for him to show (with actions) that he loves me. I literally just have enough time to chat and all I want to hear is that we are good and he is happy/okay with me being so busy. That I am the love of his life etc. The problem is that I don’t hear any of that. He is just so tired when we have time together (it’s ususally late at night lately) and his tiredness comes across as indifference to me. We’ve talked about it of course. And he just says he is tired at the time of the day we see eachother and everything is good. While I know that is probably true, I still can’t help but feel this huge amount of distance between us when I’m so busy. This is probably more of my problem than his. He probably is feeling just fine. But I feel alone. It will all pass as it always does when school calms down. It’s strange to feel like you miss your Fiance even when you see eachother everyday. There certainly is something to be said about the importance of quality time together. I just need some support right now. I’m feeling burnt out. Any other student bees ever have the same issues? how do you turn them around and look at the positives?
Post # 2
- Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base
I hear ya. Affirmations do make the world go around. I hope you find some time together so you can fill up on love soon.
Proud of you for pursuing medicine.
Post # 3
Mrstobe233: Yes, I definitely understand where you are coming from with this one. I’m in the middle of writing my PhD thesis and it’s a 24/7 job. When I take breaks, I’m desperate for a little quality time with the hubby, but obviously it’s hard for him to drop what he’s doing to give me 100% of his attention, even for just a few minutes. I don’t think I’m explaining my situation very well but I guess my point is that these type of strains create a very unusual dynamic.
I can imagine that in addition to not getting that quality time/feeling that you need to feel settled right now, your emotions will be exacerbated by the stress and lack of sleep you are no doubt enduring. Try not to let the way you are feeling in general affect your confidence in your relationship. As you say, once things calm down you’ll be able to see quite clearly that the two are separate, but it may not feel like that in the meantime.
You sound super busy, but is there any chance that you might be able to find one hour in one day where you could meet up with him at a more reasonable time? Say, make a date for him to bring you both some dinner and eat together at school? If you say in advance to yourself (and him) that you’re setting aside this particular zone, hopefully you’ll be able to relax during that time (instead of watching the clock) and maybe he’ll appreciate the gesture and effort on your part to find a better time to get back in tune with him?
I guess my hope would be that if you sacrifice a wee part of your working hours (which would more than pay off if it made you feel better and improved your focus anyway), he will also make a particulary strong effort to be present and share the moment with you and you’ll get more of what you’re missing.
Anyway, I’m sorry you’re having such a tough time at the moment – I wish I could reach through the internet and give you a big hug. In the meantime, know that you are not alone in this crazy business of med/post-grad school, and that it sounds like you’re doing an amazing job.
Sending you my warmest vibes! Good luck!
Post # 4
those comments are the sweetest and help so so much.Thanks girls
Post # 5
Medical school, especially the first three years, can be a big time suck. But an awesome time suck because you are living the academic/professional dream! When I was doing the school thing, I was single, but in retrospect, I can see how it can be difficult for a couple when one (or both) of the couple is in school. Just hang in there. I’m sure he cares for you immensely, and I promise you, it gets better :).