Post # 1
Okay, opinion time again. I have six BMs. My sister is Maid/Matron of Honor, 3 are girls from university, one a long time childhood friend, the other a close friend of the family. I only wanted two but whatever. One of my university Bridesmaid or Best Man is in school and a very talented singer/songwriter. She plays all over the city and is organizing a west coast tour for two weeks in June. Before she started organizing said tour, dates were being bounced around between the BMs for showers, bachelorette party, etc. Apparently the bachelorette is going to be in June since one of the Bridesmaid or Best Man is coming in from Vancouver at that time anyways. So now Singer Bridesmaid or Best Man is saying “Well I’m only available this one weekend in June because of my tour and other shows” and basically backing everyone into a corner. She knew the bachelorette was going to be in June but decided to block up all her weekends anyways?! What the heck?!
From what I’ve been hearing (one of the other Bridesmaid or Best Man is acting as a mole for me so I can give silent opinions, LOL) every time they try to plan something Singer Bridesmaid or Best Man says “Well I can’t commit to that date because I might end up booking a show for that weekend”. Needless to say my Mole Bridesmaid or Best Man is really frustrated and I’m kind of hurt and pissed off! I told Mole Bridesmaid or Best Man I would like all the Bridesmaid or Best Man (who are local) to be at the Bachelorette, and at one of the bridal showers.
I just don’t get why she would do this. Should Maid/Matron of Honor talk to her and tell her to get on board or should I have a conversation with her? One of the other Bridesmaid or Best Man is her very best friends and I’m thinking I could talk to her about it too. I’m really confused and a bit hurt. I’m not asking for my wedding to be a #1 priority in my life but for god’s sake at least show up for the bachelorette party! And sorry, but aren’t you supposed to schedule around the bride, not the BM?! Agh! So frustrated!
Post # 3
I think they should scheudle it for the weekend she is availble if everyone else can. If no then schedule it and she will miss out. I don’t think it’s that big of a deal as long as she comes to one of your events. I won’t be expecting my Bridesmaid or Best Man to come to more than one event be it a shower or bachelorette party.
Post # 4
I think since this BM’s schedule is the tightest of all, maybe they should just move forward with plans – if she can make it then great, if not then she’ll definitely be missed.
Having 5 out of 6 of them there for the smaller events (showers, bachelorette party) isn’t bad at all! As long as she is still committed to being a bridesmaid in the actual wedding.
Post # 5
I say try to schedule it on her oone available day…if that doesn’t work for everyone, then schedule and it and if she misses it, so be it.
Post # 6
I just find it weird that when the BMs collectively were talking about specific dates, she went and booked most of them up. I guess I just think if it were me being her Bridesmaid or Best Man I wouldn’t miss her bachelorette for the world. But I’m not her and she’s not me, so whatever. I guess I’ll just have to get over it 🙁
Post # 7
I would just say to try to schedule it so she can make it, and if she can’t then oh well. I’m actually a “busy BM” for my cousin’s wedding in October, and I can’t go to her bridal shower or bachlorette party, so I’ll just be going to the wedding. Before accepting Bridesmaid or Best Man, I told her that I probably wouldn’t be able to go to these things (though I am paying my portion of them and sending gifts), and she said fine, so hopefully it doesn’t suddenly bother her when I don’t show up. I live across the country, am in school, and live on a very fixed budget. Yes, I could probably not go on a spring break to save money to make it to her shower, but while I am completely excited for her and happy to be pitching in for her shower and things, my life doesn’t revolve around her wedding (hopefully that doesn’t come off mean or anything because that’s not my intent). I would just try to look at it from your BM’s perspective and not as the bride. Obviously her singing is very important to her, so that’s her number 1 priority. I would talk to her if you feel like it’s necessary though.
Post # 8
Well, I don’t think that she just “went and booked most of them (the dates) up”. After all, she is a singer, it’s her livelihood. I don’t think she can help it not working on the weekends just like your other bridesmaids can’t help working weedays.
Post # 9
Majority rules. Take a vote. Whatever date the majority of you are available, that should be the date for the bachelorette. For those who can’t make it…oh well. If you keep trying to please everyone, y’all will just keep bouncing dates around and nothing will get done.
Post # 10
Sorry I think I mispoke. She’s not a professional singer like that’s what she does as a career. Well yes and no. She’s also a student and a professor at a local college, singing is not her primary source of income. Clearly she has a lot going on. I love going to see her perform and have always been really supportive of her choices.
Since the beginning, I’ve gotten the feeling that whenever the other Bridesmaid or Best Man have tried to set dates for things her response has been “But I might book a show for that date”. To me I just think, well then just don’t. Plus most bridal showers or what not happen during the day, versus her shows usually start at 10:00 at night, so why not pop into the day time event even just for an hour. Maybe I’m thinking about this over simiplistically. I totally understand everyone has their own day to day lives and I haven’t mandated anyone has to do anything, trust me. I don’t want to be that girl. It just really surprised me that she’s sort of just said no to everything.
I think you’re right. A vote must be held. I’ll let the girls sort it out amongst themselves and I’ll keep my nose and emotions out of it.