But his ex will be there…

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
7872 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

beedot :  Attend, look gorgeous, stay close to your bf, and be polite to everyone.

If the ex or your bf’s sister are rude, that only looks bad for them.

It may pay to have a chat to your bf beforehand, saying that you hope he won’t tolerate anyone being rude to you in his presence.

I don’t see the point in messaging or meeting the crazy ex.

Post # 4
1245 posts
Bumble bee

Actually I think it DOES help that you don’t drink.  Especially if the ex is ‘nasty’ when she drinks.  Go, be swest & you will look way more reasonable and mature than her by contrast.  People get smashed at weddings lol


Forget what the ex thinks, but I imagine SO’s sister would be somebody you’d like to be friends with at some point?  I think your best means of achieving this is by not living up to this ex girlfriend’s description of you.


Also, don’t message the ex.  I’m of the opinion that anything written in a text or email can be taken out of context and used against you.

Also it makes it look like you are actively playing a role in this girl’s drama.  Which you are not doing.  You’re just going to a wedding to have fun.  You have no idea what the ex is saying because it’s so completely false and juvenile : )

Post # 6
48 posts
  • Wedding: August 2017

My advice: go on YouTube, recreate the absolute best makeup and hair tutorial you can, wear your best bra and walk into that wedding being the beautiful and sweet person that you are! Nothing makes jealous women more jealous than a beautiful and gracious woman! Ignore them and act as if they don’t exist, however if they start being nasty to you just take your man and leave….don’t leave him there with them for one second!

Post # 8
3180 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I agree with all the PPs- go there and make sure you look fine as hell (I would even get my makeup professionally done- it’s only $50 the the MAC counter- well worth it, IMO). Hold your head high and put your shoulders back and make sure you lock eyes with your man and smile intimately at him all evening.

Also – walk in there like that quote from Maya Angelou’s poem Still I Rise:

Does my sexiness upset you? Does it come as a surprise that I dance like I’ve got diamonds at the meeting of my thighs?

Go have a wonderful time and, like a PP said- make sure you and your SO have a conversation about him not leaving you alone or wandering off without you. Sometimes, alcohol can make a petty bitch feel bold.

Post # 9
2306 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter's Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

If it will help your confidence, get pro hair and makeup.  It doesn’t need to be super fancy but if you look super elegant and classy, you’ll feel the same way!

Post # 10
2797 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

It’s gonna be ok! It was a year or so ago, most people will either have forgotten what she said, gotten over it and not care, or doubted her story to begin with. Let your boyfriend know he’s not to leave your side for a second, do whatever you can to boost your confidence and go in there prepared to be super nice to everyone! There have been times myself when someone has bitched to me about someone and I meet the person expecting to dislike them… but then they’re really nice and all my pre-conceived notions go out the window. 

The sister sounds nuts though, if anyone makes you uncomfortable, avoid avoid avoid! Enjoy your food, talk to your boyfriend and dance all night 🙂 unless they keep bringing the crazy to the table every event you have to go to with them will get a little bit easier. 

Post # 11
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Ohhh the same thing happened to me (going to a wedding of his and her mutual friends who disliked me) and it was AWESOME!! I looked my best, completely ignored her and was nice to everyone. She got hammered and could not stop staring at us, then made a fool of herself trying to dance near us, and eventually passed out in a chair. I can’t tell you how good it felt to win so wonderfully 🙂 

Post # 12
709 posts
Busy bee

Screw what she says/thinks. Go and have fun. Look your best and be cool and polite even if she does approach you. If shit turns hectic, she’ll look like the dick not you. However, you said your SO doesn’t really care what people think – I had an ex like that and he would never stick up for me and would instead just tell to ignore it and let it go. I would highly recommend talking to your SO about it and asking him to support you and back you up in case things turn nasty. 

Post # 13
247 posts
Helper bee

You have some really good advice from PPs.  I will add a few bits of wisdom of my own. Firstly never let people like this take up so much space in your head, you are never as important a topic to them as you perceive yourself to be.  It also appears your friends are enjoying the drama shut that down. Lastly never let a third party dictate what events you go to or who you interact with. Be yourself and if you are faced with comments like the one from your FSIL that there is a club of girls who hate you just laugh and walk away. You give power to people by engaging at their level as the saying goes if you wrestle with pigs you get dirty and the pigs like it. Enjoy the wedding and ignore the nonsense. Best wishes.

Post # 14
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

beedot :  I’m surprised his sister doesn’t understand? You must have known her for a decade so it’s weird she would take the ex’s side? Have you not being able to explain to her? How long did he date his ex, I didn’t see this in your OP? 

Sorry for all the questions, just trying to understand 🙂 

I think you should go. You’ve been together overall as long as most married couples I know. If he’s the type who doesn’t care what people think then he’s needs a strong reminder to have your back at the wedding, to be aware that it’s awkward for you and to not walk off without warning.

I think you deserve to walk in as a couple and enjoy the night. You also need to establish what you’ll both do if she comes up drunk and expecting to have a ‘closure chat’ You need to be a team when it’s time to get the hell out of there!

Try to enjoy getting ready, choosing a lovely dress etc

You’ll feel super proud afterwards!



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