(Closed) But I Was Engaged FIRST!!!

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 30
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

So ok, my sister/moh is pregnant and due about 3 weeks or so after my wedding. I’m happy, but I can’t help but think what if she delivers early? I’m also graduating in December, so I’m going to be super busy from August-December so how am I supposed to throw her a proper shower? The week before my wedding or something?

Sorry, this is just a new development so I am a still a little in shock. There isn’t an offical due date yet b/c of the holiday she was only able to see a midwife and won’t find out until August the offical date.

Post # 31
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think that two months is too close together.  My cousin was engaged after me and chose to have her wedding two months after mine.  A lot of our family has to come in from out of state so they will have to choose which wedding they want to go to if they go at all.  I look at it this way… If they decide to go to my cousin’s wedding rather than mine then I will see them there.  That will be a little less money out of my pocket too.  Will I be sad that they chose not to come to mine?  A little… But will it be the end of the world?  No.  I know my family will support my marriage and send their congrats.  

Post # 32
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t think you should worry about who can attent which one, that really isn’t your business. They will decdied. There is still a year and if they want to attent both they will make it work.

We got engaged in September of last year and had set our date for this September. My cousin, who is one of my BM’s, got engaged almost 2 moths later and they set their date for this month. This means our family has two weddings to travel for, but they have had time to plan. And I have another cousin who got engaged before both of us and their wedding is about a year from now.

It is just the way life happens when everyone is at that stage of life. Yes it sucks that not all your family won’t be able to go to both, but that is just the way it is.

Have fun planning together and enjoy it with your cousin.

Post # 34
3625 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with you, and its nice to see some people who actually worry about their families in all this.

We had two weddings in under a year too, and I really was worried about my family having to come up with so much money for all things related. I don’t care who you are, but weddings cost a lot of money for everyone involved, and you should be concerned. There was travel and hotel rooms for everyone too as well as showers, so they were spread out as far as possible to make it a little easier. My first daughter’s wedding came about unexpectedly after being cancelled once, and was planned in under 3 months. The other’s was already set a year earlier, so everyone knew about that too. I think I had more anxiety about all of it than anyone.

Maybe there will still be a change since so many seem to be up in arms already. I hope it all works out for you!

Post # 35
574 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

really hope your family can save enough to make both weddings…i feel your pain my sister’s date was a month after mine…i moved mine 3 months later to try to ease up on the financial burden…we live far apart and family would have to travel for both….issue now is we both like the same color..lol

Post # 37
793 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

This situation would have upset me, too.

That’s so generous of you to pay for hotel costs. I really hope that your family will be able to make it to both. <3 Best of luck!

Post # 38
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012 - Salvage One, Chicago

I understand your frustration.  Although I was engaged 3 months after my Future Sister-In-Law, my Fiance had been ring shopping, etc, much earlier and we had always planned and talked about a fall wedding.  So then, Future Sister-In-Law, who always wanted summer, decided on late October for their wedding.  When we mentioned to family that we still wanted a fall wedding, my Future Mother-In-Law was very adamant that we couldn’t do it.  Partly to not overshadow her daughter’s wedding, but also because of the same family reasons- many family members are from the west coast and if ours was early September, then they probably wouldn’t come for a late October wedding.  I was frustrated for a long time, and then I had to let go of it all and now I love that we moved our wedding to the following May.  Logical heads will prevail and family will remember that your wedding was already on the books.

Post # 39
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Treejewel19: I am so sorry people are so rude on here to you about it is only “one day” blah blah. You have every right to be upset and you need to ignore all those people that obviously did not read your whole post because you stated SEVERAL times that its not about stealing your thunder its about putting a burden on your family. 

I am very sorry that your cousin was so inconciderate of your wedding and your family members finances (because she is forcing them to choose). Sadly there is really nothing you can do besides just smile and nod.

And a note to all you “you get one day” bees. This girl is obviously upset and I am sorry but you essentially calling her a bridezilla because “she thinks she gets a whole year” is just inconsiderate!! She needs support and encouragement NOT people telling her she is irrational in the way she is feeling. I am tired of people being so rude to our fellow bees by kicking them while they are already down. This place is for supporting each other and venting sometimes. So please please no more “you get one day” comments if you think the future bride is being a drama queen, JUST DONT COMMENT, seriously. Sometimes I know I am being a drama queen but I still need to vent and then I will be back to normal but if people call me a drama queen at my one moment that i need encouragement it just makes me more upset. We should be here to support each other not tear at each other. Can’t we all just play nice?!

Sorry treejewel for taking up your post to voice my opinion 🙁 Hope it was ok. I want you to know that what you are feeling is perfectly normal and i am sorry you are put in this position. Just remeber that this is just a minor blimp in your planning and someday you will laugh about all of this. Keep your head held high and know that most of us on here love you!!! 

Post # 40
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Aww my dear! Big hug! I know how you feel! I had been with my FH for 1 and 1/2 years and my cousin was only with hers for 6 months when they got engaged. I had already started planning my wedding before either one of us were engaged. I told everyone about our date, the FH didnt care, he knew it was gonna happen either way! I chose Oct. 1st which is the day that we first met 2 years ago! Well my cousin got engaged 2 months before me and chose Oct 14th. I was pissed for a couple of reasons! She knew my date, she wasnt not even with her FH for a long time, she picked her date cus that is the date she chose for a school project! I could not believe it she had no meaning behind her date. We are two weeks apart. I guess I was pissed also because my grandmother (who I dont get along with at all, she is all about money and everything!) is just sooooooo excited about her wedding, she cant stop talking about it! I know her and I dont get along but still she looks down at my wedding, and no bride wants that! But either way, I am dealing with it! I guess there is nothing I can do but focus on my wedding.

My advice to you is to sit her down and she why she picked a date before yours. Also tell her how you feel. Soon this fustration is going to build up and you are gonna blow and it will be a huge rift in your relationship that may damage it beyond repair!

Honesty and communication is the key in a situation. I do wish you the best of luck!

Please keep up posted on how the situation turns out!

Post # 41
4460 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think some people didn’t really read. This isn’t about stealing thunder and what not. This is about a small family who are probably close to these girls having to choose what wedding to attend. Not all of us can cough out the money for two plane tickets, two hotel stays, ask their boss for vacation time that close together, two wedding gifts, ect. If the family was local, then it wouldn’t be a problem. But two weddings 6 weeks apart that you have to travel for? That’s not a reality for some people. 

The familes shouldn’t have to choose. Weddings don’t happen often in some families. Our wedding is the first wedding in Mr. Tattoo’s family in 10 years. (they don’t count his little brothers because they ran off to Vegas and only invited his sister, mom and uncle) They all have to travel by plane or drive 16 hours or more to get here. It would be a shame if his little brother waited and got married 6 weeks before us and invited everyone to his. I know for a fact that his family would not be able to attend both. Gas is uber high, plane tickets are cheap, hotel stays can put you back hundreds of dollars, gifts, ect. 

This isn’t about “the people who want to be there will be there.” this is about a family who want to be there for both and shouldn’t have to chose. 

Hopefully something will work out. Have you spoken to the other cousin? Is anything booked yet with either of you? Are you willing to push the date back to give your family some recovery time? 

Post # 42
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@CorgiTales: How do you manage to get such awesome pictures of your animals? Whenever I take a picture of my cat, it never does my cat justice.  I digress.

OP, I totally understand where you’re coming from in regards to family having to choose one or the other.  That sucks.  But I also don’t really blame your cousin for picking the date she did, it’s tough having to plan around so many people’s weddings (trust me, I’m trying to do that myself, and I’m guessing she has other people’s weddings to think about as well, plus there’s the matter of availability, etc).

In reality, I wish your family could just suck it up and go to both.  After all, it is family, and they were probably anticipating the both of you getting married soon, anyway.  Not really helpful advice for you, I know, but still it must be frustrating.

Post # 43
27 posts
  • Wedding: September 2011

I get where you’re coming from.  However, the people who you REALLY love and care about, and those who really love and care about YOU will be there for your special day.  If there are people who don’t truly want to be there, who cares!  One less mouth to feed!

My cousin and I are getting married ONE WEEK apart.  She and I had a long conversation about it and we have no hard feelings.  It just happened that way.  No one is hurt, and we both agreed:  what is most important is that we are marrying the men we love, and those who really truly matter WILL be there.    

I totally get it, but try not to let it bother you.  There are more important things to worry about!  Keep your head up.  You’ll have a wonderful wedding day and you are getting married!  Yay!

Post # 44
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I understand where you are coming from.  What I wish for you was that your cousin communicated with you prior to setting the date  It didn’t have to mean you came to an agreement, and she did what she wanted/needed to anyway, but COMMUNICATION in advance would’ve at least kept you from feeling blindsided by this.  

Two of my sister and I all got engaged in 2010.  We all knew it was coming, and started communicating about this prior to our engagements, which came within about 8 months of each other.  

What we did was schedule “6 month slots” with each other.  ie, the sister who wanted the furthest out wedding got June-Dec 2012.  The earliest got July-Dec 2011, and one Jan-June 2012.  Well, life didn’t happen that way.  My engagement was later than expected, and the wedding just couldn’t happen in my “timeslot.”  So I had to creep into another person’s timeslot.  But before doing so, I called my sister and asked her about it.  She truly didn’t care, it was still 5 months apart and said to go for it.  If she had said NO, honestly, I may not have been able to NOT do it, but at least we discussed our feelings and showed respect by calling.

I just wish she would have called to talk to you about this before…

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