(Closed) But if hes and your a ………… whats your child going to be?

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Well, I thought in Jewish culture, they base it off the mother’s heritage? So I guess you win lol

Maybe try to expose your children to both, and let them decide when they’re old enough?

Post # 4
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

They’re Chewish!

Post # 5
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t have personal experience with raising my own children, but I have family members of varying religions, including a Christian/Jewish aunt and uncle.

Could you expose your children to both faiths?  What your religion is is no guarantee on what your children will identify as when they grow up and form their own opinions.  I mean, even when a couple is of the same religion, their children don’t always identify as such.  Think of how many atheists grew up in Christian homes, for instance.   So, I think the best you can do is teach your children about your faith, and your Fiance can teach them about his faith.  You can explain what your religions have in common, and where they differ.  Maybe you kids will identify with you as they form their own identities, maybe they’ll identify with him, and maybe they’ll identify with neither.

Most of all, I think it’s important for you to both respect each others beliefs and not teach your children why your religion is “right.”

Post # 6
1115 posts
Bumble bee

Our children will be Messianic Jews.

Post # 7
1736 posts
Bumble bee

@bebefly:  LOL!

OP, I grew up in a similar circumstance. My mother is Christian and my father is Jewish. They decided to raise us in both faiths. My Mom converted (“on paper, not in her heart” she says) so that we would be able to participate in all the Jewish traditions and customs (you will have to convert for your children to be considered “Jewish”). I grew up going to church, attending a private religiously affiliated school and also going to Hebrew School, having a Bat Mitzvah and everything. I wouldn’t change a thing. My parents were patient enough with each other to set aside their religious differences and focus on what it’s really about: respecting belief.

Post # 8
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

This has potential to be a huge problem. I saw an episode of pregnant in heels where they decided to incorporate both “cultures”. The baby was baptized, but they also had a Jewish naming ceremony.

The issue with this, is that it only deals with the cultures and traditions of the religions, not the actual beliefs.  I would talk with both of your spiritual leaders and see what they have to say.

Are you having a Jewish or Christian wedding? Or incorporating both?

Post # 10
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Hmmm….My Fiance and i are not religious…I am pagan and he is agnostic…..but I don’t really practice my faith….

Did you talk about this before your engagement?  This is very important, so I suggest you figure it out before you get married….

Post # 11
451 posts
Helper bee

In the Jewish culture, children of Jewish mothers are considered Jewish.  That doesn’t mean that they have to be raised that way, but many consider them Jewish for life, regardless of what they do or believe.  That last part is usually more a belief amongst Orthodox Jews, I believe.  Just because the father is the Jew doesn’t mean they can’t be Jewish, though.  In the Christian culture, however, religion is typically determined by the father.  I know less about how that works, though.  It’s funny, because if the parents are one of each there is little agreement on how to settle it. Really, I don’t think any of that is important.  I think you two just need to decide for yourself.

My dad was raised Christian, and my mother Jewish.  I was only really raised Jewish, though, but that is largely because my dad converted to Judaism when I was young.  Now he is the most Jewish of us all!

The two of you need to talk about this.  Many children are raised with both religions in their life.  Aside from the disagreement about Christ, they are very similar.  Maybe teach them the belief systems of both religions and let the children choose what they believe when they are old enough?

Post # 12
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

First off, if kids are DEFINITELY in your future, then DON’T get married until you sort this out at least somewhat. Huge red flag for future relationship problems.

As a advocate for freethinking, I would encourage you to raise any potential children in an open, questioning environment that encompasses both faiths. They can go to synagogue with your FH & his family, and to church with you & yours. You can do Christmas one year, Hannukah the next (or do both every year). Etc., etc. Just involve them in both religions, and then when they’re old enough, they can (gasp!) choose for themselves what religion THEY want to be, if any.

Honestly, I don’t get what the big hoo-ha is. Judaism and Christianity (and really, any religion or any PERSON for that matter) have the same basic moral outlook. They’re really very similar. Just because Mommy believes that Jesus was the son of God & Daddy doesn’t, and Johnny’s been taught both POVs won’t make your kid an axe murderer!

Post # 12
30 posts
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Church

DeadlyNightshade:  FI is a Christian Jew and we do the 3 feasts: Passover, Shavuot & Sukkot but go to church every Sunday and Wednesday. 

Post # 13
1522 posts
Bumble bee

Like PP said, bring your children up exposed to both religions. They don’t need a name tag for what they are and when they get old enough they can decide for themselves. In order for this to work though you both need to agree and try not to influence your children against the other’s religion. Make sure that they are well informed but not confused. It will be tough but together you will find a way. 

Post # 14
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

This is a zombie thread 😛

Post # 15
11657 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

rbuchanan09:  I have friends who were in this situation, they were raised with exposure to both.  They had a Christmas Tree but still celebrated Hanukah.  One of them did the birthright trip to Israel after high school and she currently identifies as Jewish but made that choice.  I’m not sure if she had a Bat Mitzvah I didn’t know her then and I don’t believe she was Christened.  I was raised in a family that believed the children follow the faith of the mother (which is a little weird seeing as my mother is the same her father and her brother their mother but that’s another story).

I think you should expose your children to both and let them determine what they identify with. 

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