Post # 1
We opted to not invite my 6 cousins to our wedding this October. We announced our engagement and marriage by sending invitations… I thought we covered all our bases by adressing to Mr and Mrs Uncle and Aunt etc and saying “we have reserved 2 seats for you.” Then I get an email.
“what about malecuz and femalecuz.. can we pay for their meals??? .. they have never been to a wedding ..letmeknow
So I moved here with my parents 10 years ago, and it’s a 6 hour drive from our hometown. During that time, we have seen one of my 6 cousins here (malecuz actually) ONCE. Any other time we’ve seen them has been back in my hometown. I barely know them, they’re teens and they don’t even come down to say hi when we visit. My aunt and uncle took them on vacation to the beach and these kids didn’t even leave the hotel.. THey just played video games.
Furthermore, if I invite these 2, I have to invite the other 4. My fiance has met each of them MAYBE once, and one never. I barely know my cousins, and I don’t feel the need to have them here. They’ve made no effort to maintain a relationship and I feel they’ll just sit there and be sour that they can’t play games all night. then there’s the pricetag for 6 people I barely know.
What do I do here?
Post # 3
Email her back saying something like “Sorry Aunt Sally, but unfortunately we cannot accommodate Cousin Sandy and Cousin Steve. Hope to see you at the wedding!” Do not give any reason, she may turn around and try to argue it (like offering to pay, asking if they can come if someone else decines, etc.) Just say no. Politely but firmly. Repeat when necessary.
Post # 4
Or if you want and excuses say. Fiance and I could not invite all our family members for more than price of plate purposes and can’t make exceptions for one side of the family and not the other. We make the choice to stand by it with no if, and, or buts to one another. Sorry it’s not up for reasoning I expect the same from him if his family has questions.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I’m inviting only one of thirteen cousins- the only one I’ve seen in the past 5 years (all the rest are 6+hours away), the only one on my Christmas card list.
They’ll have plenty of weddings of people close to them that they can go to. 🙂
Post # 6
@Otulyssa: I think that may be a little too strongly worded for a family member who actually sounds like they’re trying to be considerate by offering to pay for the plate. I’d say something like: Dear Aunt Sally, thank you for your gracious offer to try to help include Cousin Steve and Cousin Sue in our wedding; unfortunately, our venue has space and equipment limitations that force us into very strict guest list counts, and while we would love to see our cousins, we simply cannot accomodate them.
Post # 8
Giving a reason is just going to open up your decision for debate and a “solution.” “I’m sorry, that’s just not possible. We hope you’ll still be able to join us.” is a really good line. Then end the conversation quickly!
Post # 9
We had to do the same thing. We are having a very small wedding and have been quite selective about who is invited. My FI’s Aunts/Cousins he never sees were bugging us about not being invited, and we told them pretty much the same thing futuremrsfitz stated. Just say something like that 🙂
Post # 10
I agree that you shouldn’t give them a reason… you don’t have to! Just tell them it’s not possible to have the cousins there, and leave it at that.