(Closed) Butting heads with fiance

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 2
28 posts

I would be pretty pissed if this is what he asked for. Maybe hire a planner that will do just about everything? If you don’t have the funds tell him you want to get paid then 🙂

Post # 3
6606 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Sit down together and make a list of all the tasks that need to be done. Have him pick some, you pick some, and then split whatever is left. Maybe he doesn’t like doing labels but he would be happy to pick song lists for the DJ or whatever.  You will both be more likely to do all the tasks if you start out with ones that you don’t hate doing.

Post # 4
1157 posts
Bumble bee

Tell him if he doesn’t help it is not going to get done because you didn’t want the big party, anyway. Don’t put up with crap, espcially since he agreed to help as part of the compromise.

Post # 5
372 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I would just stop doing all the planning, and let him pick up the tasks that need to be done. Why is it a one way street? You are not a doormat or a servant. His behavior isn’t cool either, why is he acting annoyed at you, when he isn’t holding up his end of the bargain?

Post # 6
7259 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I agree with the previous PPs. This is something he wanted, he needs to help with the execution. Otherwise, I’d say you are well within your rights to scrap everything and go with what you originally said you wanted. People who don’t contribute don’t get votes.

His issue could also be that while he enjoys a party/big celebration, he doesn’t actually know what goes into pulling one off.

Post # 7
2452 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Agrred. I’d just flat out telling him I’m not doing anymore of it without his help. You compromised for this reception that he wanted, you absolutely should not be stuck doing all the work. Put your foot down and make it known that unless he steps up, you’ll go back to planning the small elopement YOU wanted.

Post # 8
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Similar thing happened to me when we got married.  We had the small, intimate dream Destination Wedding that I wanted, which with the help of a planner, was planned mostly by me, but I was okay with that.  I’m pretty type A and wanted to be very involved in the planning.  That was great.  We had a bigger local reception as requested by DH’s parents and something that he wanted too.  I didn’t want to do it, but said okay.  DH didn’t do shit.  I got exceedingly pissed off, because he wanted everything, but did nothing.  I kept on telling him to help me, got nothing in response.  I could tell you that that night, a lot of crap didn’t go as planned, and I was pissed all night, because I did end up doing a lot of stuff for it and wasn’t happy doing it and didn’t want to be there.  Save yourself from that experience.  If DH wants a big party, then he do the planning fo the receiption or get a wedding planner.  You can tell him what needs to be done, but if it doesn’t get done, then it doesn’t get done.  You help him plan.  I think he should be one in the driver seat if it’s what he wants.  You’re running the show for the ceremony part, because that’s what you want, so he needs to be proactive in planning what he wants.  You’re living up to the end of the deal, it’s time for him to live up to his.    

Post # 9
3243 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

View original reply
futuremrscobs:  Yep, I would be renegotiating at this point.  He obvoiusly doesn’t want the big wedding *that* badly.  Time for you to tell him what’s up- you are not his own personal party planner.

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