(Closed) Buyers Remorse

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

You basically have two options: let it go and accept it as a lovely gift and a symbol of his commitment to you, or point out that you don’t like it and risk whatever his response will be (more than likely, hurt). I’m not siding with your fiance, but I think you are placing too much importance on the cost of the ring.

Post # 4
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Also, opals tend to be water-soluble, so if you need an excuse to talk to him about the ring…you could always bring that up.

Post # 5
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

The ring is just a symbol – it’s the relationship that’s important! Do you feel like your fiance values you? His way of showing love may just not be through big shiny expensive rocks attached to metal, but that doesn’t mean he loves you any less!

Post # 6
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I agree with Statutory_Grape.

Another option would be to suggest an upgrade on your engagement ring on your one year engagement anniversary.

Post # 7
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think what you are saying is not that you don’t like the ring but you feel your Fiance really fell short on the sentiment and effort that the ring represents.

I think part of giving an engagement ring is to say “look i love you so much, that i can sacrifice for a few months on my own needs, to buy you something that you will enjoy forever”.  I think it’s important for that thought and feeling to be behind an engagement ring and the fact that your Fiance dropped 3 times more on a tv than on a ring can definitely be hurtful.

I don’t have any specific advice for you because I honestly don’t know what to do in this situation.  I just wanted to let you know that your feelings are very valid and justified. Don’t feel bad for having these thoughts and don’t let people say “oh it’s just a ring”.

Post # 8
Member
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Meowkers – I get what you’re saying, but I do not believe someone should sacrifice their own legitimate NEEDS to buy what is basically a trinket. =/ Maybe it was all OP’s FH could afford at the time. Maybe he doesn’t think spending thousands on a ring is important. OP is allowed to feel this way (as we all are), but I felt the need to put things into perspective. I do, however, agree that the $300 on a TV thing is a bit hurtful.

My FH spent $200 on my ring. Does that mean he loves me any less? Of course not. Conversely, a $2,000 ring does not make a relationship more loving or important or valid. I have seen women with 3-carat rocks get divorced within a year. It goes both ways.

Post # 9
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Statutory Grape:  I understand what you are saying and perhaps i should have explained better.  When i said sacrifice his needs, i didn’t mean actual needs as in food, shelter, clothing, gas, etc.  I meant the “needs” that are actually just wants and luxuries, (such as the tv and the fish tank).  of course different people can afford different things and there is absolutely nothing less meaningful or loving about a $100 ring than a $50,000 ring.  People should live within their means  However, the $300 tv and the $100 fishtank on the tail of this ring are just hurtful.  The man saved 3 times more to buy the tv than he did for the ring that his Fiance will wear forever.   To me, that’s hurtful.

Post # 10
Member
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I have to agree with Meowkers.  If it is honestly not in his finances and it would interfere with legitimate needs, that’s one thing.  But when you go spend more on other wants it does come across as hurtful.  The $100 ring is fine and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that price but then he went and spent $300 on a television.  The ring is once in a lifetime and I think a tv probably could have waited.

Post # 11
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

the cost of the ring is not important BUT i think that $100 is bit low especially if it isnt the sort of ring you would go for. do u like opal? i dont think ppl have to spend thousands on a ring but it should make you happy to look at it, you can get a crystal ring that looks like diamond for a lot less than a real diamond if thats the look you prefer

Post # 12
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Absolutely agree with this:

I think part of giving an engagement ring is to say “look i love you so much, that i can sacrifice for a few months on my own needs, to buy you something that you will enjoy forever”.

I’ve said it in other words on other threads, but to me an e-ring should be a significant purchase that symbolizes a commitment, and that it should even in itself be a commitment (meaning the element of sacrifice and dedication to saving, as was pointed out). It sounds like you feel the same way.

I would be completely hurt if I were in your shoes, and I don’t think your Fiance has a right to be offended if you bring this issue up. Go about it as delicately as you can, but you deserve to have your thoughts heard about this. What you said here is perfect: I guess I just wish more time and thought had been spent planning and shopping for something so important. Try to explain how his actions made you feel like you’re not a priority over his own (rather frivolous) desires. Good luck!!

Post # 13
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

This may or may not make you feel better but Opals are known for being a very “soft” stone and I would say not recommended for an engagement ring. Opals are my birthstone so many years ago I bougtht an awesome opal ring, within a year or so the stone fell out. One of the reasons diamonds are so commonly used is because of the durability and strength of  diamonds.

Post # 14
Member
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I completely agree with Meowkers and littlemissmango!

Obviously not everyone can afford a really expensive ring and the cost of the ring doesn’t have a correlation to the strength of the relationship or the love one has for their SO.  But it should also be a purchase that a guy plans for, saves for, and that requires some sacrifice of luxery wants for himself.

This is a symbol you’ll be wearing for the rest of your life and I don’t think that you are wrong to feel a little slighted that your Fiance planned and thought as much for your ring as his fish tank.  That just doesn’t add up in my mind.  I think you have every right to approach him about it but you do need to be delicate as there probably will be hurt feelings.  Maybe see if you two set a budget and go pick a new ring together and you could then wear the opal as a right hand ring or something.

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