- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2017
First time posting but long time reader.
Sorry this might be long.
I have been with my SO for 4 years now and I absolutely know with no doubt that he is the one for me and vise versa. I am 26 and he is 27. We both have stable jobs, finished college, he will be done with his masters program this December.
He got promoted this past June and with his new raise he is making more than enough to live on his own and finally move out of his parents home. He mentioned to me that he wanted to save for a home for us. Out of the blue a couple weeks ago he told me he had spoken to a realtor and wants to start the home buying process now and wants us to go 50/50 because he wants me in his future. He was thinking maybe by mid 2016 we will have our home. I was shocked for a moment, I couldn’t believe he had made this decision all on his own. But I thought when he had originally mentioned us living together he had meant couple years from now, not this soon.
My immediate reaction was yes lets do this! I want to take this next step with you. But few minutes after it clicked to me, Wait we are not even engaged!!. I love him and I know he loves me, But now I am having second thoughts on buying a home with him. Believe it or not we have never had a marriage talk so I was terrified to even bring it up. I didn’t want to scare him or pressure him.
So I had a talk with him and made it clear that I want to buy a home with him BUT I need to know that marriage is going to come out of this. I don’t want to purchase a home and that’s it. God forbid we break up, I do not want to be financially responsible for the home or most importantly I don’t want to waste my time. I want to marry him and some day have kids, He totally understood my concerns and reassured me that if he didn’t see us marrying each other he would not of asked me to make this huge step of buying a home together. He told me marriage would happen but he just wants to have a home first. I felt so much better after that conversation, or so I thought.
We both come from very traditional Mexican families, So me telling my parents that I am going to buy a home before marriage let alone not even being engaged is a HUGE issue. I am terrified. His parents are OK with us buying before marriage only because he told them he will marry me. SO said he will talk to my parents and explain to them his plan of buying, then marriage. I did talk to my mom about this because her and I are close and she advised to not buy before marriage at least be engaged. she was mostly concerned for me in the long run. I definitely do not want to disappoint my parents. And for any of you Bee’s who come from a traditional Mexican family, you know what I am talking about.
I had another talk with SO because I wanted a time line or some sort of plan as to when he decided to maybe possibly propose,or marry me since he did say he wanted to have our home by mid 2016. SO said he had no time line or had not even thought of all that. When he said that, it broke my heart a little bit, I know he loves me and wants a future with me but I am having doubts now. what if he does settle at just the home buying and never marries me.And he told me all that stuff to make me think he will. I would be totally fine with a long engagement until we save for our wedding. I don’t want to keep nagging or make him feel pressured to marry me and I am scared it might push him away.
He has been asking for all my paperwork so we can get our pre-approval for our loan and I have been making up excuses to delay the process. I feel terrible.
Did any of you buy a home unmarried and regretted it? Is it better to buy as a married couple?