(Closed) buying a house

posted 7 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

If you have been together for 3 years, and are about to get enegaged, he should not have been hiding the fact that he bought a house. He could have qualified on his own income, but How was he able to keep it from you for so long? That would set off a red flag for me. If he couldn’t be honest about the house (wanting to surprise you or not) he could be hiding other things. And if its causing a rift because you are hurt, it’s something that you guys need to seriously discuss.

Post # 4
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

You can’t really do anything about it, but at this stage in the game, he shouldn’t have made such a big decision without you. You have a valid cause for concern. He damaged trust, and trust is hard to gain and easy to break.

What were his reasons for buying the house and not telling you? 

Post # 5
Member
708 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I am in the process of buying a house and it consumes my thoughts day and night. Morgages, interest rates, appraisals, inspections, closing costs, etc. This is not a quick process. I think it is REALLY weird that he bought a house without you knowing anything about it, and it only came up in a fight. HUGE RED FLAG.

Post # 6
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree. This would be an issue for me.

Post # 7
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would be so angry. Forget suprised that’s a decision that 2 people should make. 

Post # 10
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think this would be cute if you were on the same page with all of life’s major decisions (children, money, where to live…etc). and if you are not a control freak (like I am) and appreciated when someone took matters into their own hands and took the stress off of your shoulders.

There are definitely times during the home searching/buying process when I would have loved for Darling Husband to say “Surprise! I bought this for us. All you have to do is unpack and relax!

But since so many of those decisions are still up in the air, it’s strange that he basically decided on a large chunk of your future without your input. 

Post # 11
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@CanAmBride: I was actually thinking about this and agree with some of your points about it being ok.

If Darling Husband and I went to see a couple houses and he knew I liked it and then bought it I would be ok with that kind of surprise. 

Post # 12
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I, too, think it’s odd he bought a house without telling you. Mainly because you guys weren’t on the same page about things. I don’t know, I’d be pissed if it happened to me. However, I’m one of those people who wanted to look for a house together and be an active part in the home-buying process. Sure, there were times I got frustrated and wished Darling Husband would just buy it and suprise me, but I wanted to be a part of the entire process.

Post # 14
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Where you live is a really big deal. It’s the biggest factor to decide on when buying a house because it affects every aspect of your life. By taking the decision away from you, he has made a bold power play that I personally would be very concerned about. He’s intentioanlly holding off on proposing, which is obviously extremely important to you, and instead goes forward with his own life goals by buying real estate in his ideal location without any consideration for how you would feel about it. If I were you I would take some time away from the relationship to reassess and decide for sure if I was with the right person or not. This wasn’t just a total violation of trust, it is a warning signal of what is to come if you marry him. You can’t go on like this, you need to work through this issue, but I would take the time away to see if I even wanted to.

Post # 15
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow, that’s so not cool that he bought a house without telling you.  That is really a decision for a couplebut even if he didn’t want to have your input, he should have at least discussed it with his long term Girlfriend.

I think this leads into the two of you needing to discuss your finances to make sure that you are on the same page.  This is a pretty big impulse purchase.

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