(Closed) Buying a house before you’re engaged.

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Did you buy a house together before you got engaged?
    Yes, it is in both of our names. : (48 votes)
    32 %
    I bought it, he just lives there; or vice versa. : (33 votes)
    22 %
    No way, that's way too risky! : (57 votes)
    39 %
    Other, please explain. : (10 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 3
    2467 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    we didn’t buy a condo before we were engaged, but we thought about it. it ended up not making much sense for us to buy because we knew we were going to move in a couple years (i just started grad school in sept and it was about 2 1/2 years ago that we thought about buying). we did buy a car together though, in both our names, before we were engaged. less of a big deal than a house, but still joint credit

    Post # 4
    18636 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I would not buy a home with someone before being engaged to be safe.  I would go to a mortgage broker to see if you can qualify for a loan on your own or with him.  If you can’t qualify on your own, I would wait to buy until later.

    Also, think about whether or not you want to stay in this area for the long term.  My husband and I bought a home while we were in college and for his first job, we had to move across the country.  That leaves us with a rental property and renting another home, not ideal.

    Post # 5
    6593 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    We bought a house together 3 years before we got married (2 years before getting engaged).

    It was right for us. We knew we were going to get married the discussions had been had but we wanted to own a house and be settled before spending money on a wedding.

    I do agree that you shouldn’t buy a house with him before you know that you are going to get married. But being so close to the proposal don’t you think you should have had this conversation already?

    The conversation discussing that you both want to spend the rest of your lives together  is, in my opinion, enough to start living your lives together. A ring doesn’t change that commitment except that it is an outwardly expression of the commitment.

    Do what you think is best for you and your relationship. Try not to let your dad influence you to much.

    Post # 6
    1871 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    An engagement really isn’t any more secure than just being in a relationship. As far as I know, there’s no official legal benefit to being engaged and it doesn’t give you any further legal rights.

    You CAN purchase a house together without being married (or engaged); just make sure that you have an iron-clad contract that stipulates exactly what happens if you break up OR if you get married. We have friends who are not engaged or married who bought an apartment together and I believe they said the contract they drew up states something like if they break up, one party can buy out the other (which is some complex mathematical equation based on how much they purchased for, market value etc.etc.) OR, if they can’t agree by a certain point, they have to sell it and split the profit.

    Post # 7
    484 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    So we bought our house more than a year before we got enaged.  We knew that it was more than a commitment of a ring.  Were talking a $250k investment… It was really stressful, because once we bought the house i started obsessing about a ring… people told me i should never have done it, ill never get a ring etc etc.  On top of that his dad helped us remodel.  It was my house to begin with but I ended up adding his name because it wouldnt be worth anything if it wasnt what he and his father put into it.  Now that i actually have my ring and my commitment that I wanted originally, I can see it was the best decision for us.  Were settled in our beautiful new house and weve gone through a lot while remodeling… we now know if we can make it through that we can make it through anything… Wont lie it was tough tough tough…

    Post # 8
    484 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Oh yeah one additional piece of info for thought.  A marriage… doesnt mean anything… We all pray and hope our marriages work but its clearly not always the case.  Either way make sure you legally cover your rearend.  Discuss with a lawyer your rights his right depending on which way you do  it.

    Post # 9
    597 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    well my exboyfriend did this: bought a house with gf before they were engaged….. they still ARENT engaged…its been like a year? He says hes going to propose soon. 

    I wouldn’t do it. To me its more about the committment level of the guy: seems that guys who buy house first way before engagement take a rather long time to propose.

    My case: lived with fiance awhile after engagement/proposal….will buy house in 1 to 3 years after getting married.

    Post # 10
    4354 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    We bought a house together too about 6 months ago and we’re not engaged. We put the house in both our names, and contribute to a common bank account for bills. I make roughly $20 000 more then my Boyfriend or Best Friend so I contribute slightly more to bills per month then he does, but he had a larger lump sum of money for down payment since he lived at home and I owned a condo already previous to this.

    Be sure it is what’s right for you, it’s lovely but like @eseds: said, it can be rough at times as well. Nothing will test your relationship like the weight of homeownership (except a child), but it also makes you stronger.

    To ease your mind though, whether you buy together or just you and he moves in, you can sign what’s called a cohabitation agreement which stipulates in the event of a break up who contributed what, who gets what and how. It can even be as specific as, my TV, your couch etc..

    Post # 11
    4546 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Do what you feel is right for you. For us, I didn’t feel comfortable doing anything until we were engaged or married. He was also saving for the ring and then we saved for the wedding. Now that the wedding’s over we’re saving for a house!

    Post # 12
    297 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    my Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have tossed around this idea… We don’t have much for a down payment saved. so honestly it’s more likely that we’ll be engaged before we really jump into purchasing a home together.. however, my credit is garbage so whenever we do buy a house, we’ve decided that we’ll both contribute funds for a down payment but the loan and title will be in his name.  we want to get the best loan rates possible so that is what works for us.  i think you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend should discus your options. he may feel the same as you in regards to ownership of the place. 

    Post # 13
    952 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    We bought our house before we were married. We had been living together (renting) for about 4 years before we bought. We knew that we were in it for the long haul, so to speak! I’m so happy we bought when we did, not only did we get a great deal but it is stressful buying a home and I would not have wanted to do that during wedding planning or even post-wedding. Since we been married not much has changed except loving being newlyweds! Now we can just focus on filling up our house! I guess the important thing is if you know you both want to be together than do what you feel is right. Any doubts and you should probably wait. That goes for pretty much anything!

    Post # 14
    10287 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Fiance and I are planning to buy our condo after we get married next year but if we had the opportunity to buy before we were engaged, we would have. We dated for over 5 years before getting engaged and lived together for more than 4. There was never a doubt in either of our minds that we would be married some day so buying before its legal wouldn’t have been a problem for us.

    If you know without a doubt that your going to spent the rest of your life with him then you may as well buy together now. 

    Post # 15
    955 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    We bought our house when we had been together for about 5 years. We had been living together and renting for about 4 years already. We got engaged a year and a half later after we bought the house. We both knew we wanted to be together and to us it was part of that commitment, not to mention it was a perfect time to buy and we got a GREAT deal. One of the best decisions we made! I totally agree with Lindsay05 above.

    Post # 16
    541 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    We bought our house a few months before we got engaged, and I had no clue the ring was coming. We were sick of renting, after 8 years together we knew neither of us was going anywhere, and we got a great deal. I think buying the house actually helped to hurry getting engaged along because it made Fiance realize that we were financially secure enough (which was his pre-requisite for getting married). It’s in both of our names, but on the flip side, I have a friend who lived with her bf in an apartment, and when they decided to buy a house it went in her name, so he is essentially paying rent. She paid all of the up front costs, so if anything ever happens they both agreed that the house is hers. It comes down to whatever works best for you.

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