Post # 1
My husband & I have been looking for a house since we got engaged in April 2010. We are living in a rented townhouse this year but our lease runs up soon. We barely find anything we like (something older, with hardwoods, and a bit of a yard… not too picky). We have found 4 houses we love, they all got bought before we got offers in. 🙁 Now we found another one we love. It’s a 1964 split level, it’s different, but it’s remolded but I love it.
My dad however HATES IT. He wants something upscale and uppity. Which isn’t us at all. He is being an absolute pain too. But he is paying the downpayment (it was a deal from when I was 14 that if I got a full-ride to college, he would pay the downpayment of a house when I wanted one). So really it’s my earned money and not his business.
He is making sure to drag his feet though on the house and get his information to the lender. Plus he won’t tell us what he put the offer in as, which is driving me up a wall he keeps ignoring me. He put it in though because we are currently living 5 hours away. Any one else have horrible experience with parents?
Plus he is insisting it takes MONTHS to close on a house. How long did it take you guys from putting in an offer to closing? We would really like to close before January but with how he is talking that won’t happen. This whole process has been horrific, I am just ready to have it OVER!
Post # 3
Who is going to hold the mortgage after the down payment is done? I unfortunately don’t have the experience with my parents on this as we put our own down payment on our house and pay our own mortgage. If you’re paying the mortgage, you need to have a say on what the offer is b/c you’re the person who will have your name on the loan.
If your dad is paying for the house 100%, you unfortunately don’t have much of a choice. In my opinion, no one is responsible for giving you money towards anything. It’s awesome if they do, but you have to understand that strings are attached with that. Just b/c your dad didn’t pay anything towards your college doesn’t mean that you’ve earned the right to have him pay for the down payment on a house for you.
Post # 4
@theburks: Closing can take a few weeks — a few months. Unfortunately since he has the purse strings, hes going to drag his feet if he doesnt like something..thats why stipulation money is ALWAYS a pain in the ass.
Post # 5
Is he the one dealing with the lender? I would really check on that because it sounds like it might be in his name and not yours.
We are currently in the middle of getting to close our house and it has been about a month. I think we are finally going to close on Friday. It might take months if it’s a short sale home but not a regular home.
But really I think you should be the one dealing with the lender, not him. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t there or not, it can all be done by email, that’s what we do with our lender stuff since they aren’t local.
Post # 6
I think that it is time that you sat down with your dad and wrote out a contract between you two. Write down what both of your expectations are and come to a consensus. My dad does the same thing with me everytime we have to do something big together, so I make him sit down and write everything out so there is a clear understanding of the boundries before we even start. Why not give it a try, you will not be out anything.
Post # 7
I’m sorry, but wow! You should totally ungrateful and quite selfish. Sorry if that’s harsh, but seriously!?! If my parents were paying the down-payment for house for my future husband and I, my attitude would be very different than yours appears to be. If your dad is paying the down payment, than it most certainly is HIS business. I’m just totally taken aback by this entire post…. yikes! Your dad doesn’t owe you a house just because you got a full ride to college.
Post # 8
I agree with PPs that you should be dealing with the lender. You’ll be paying the mortgage right? I would NOT be comfortable with not knowing what I was offering on a house! I think after a year and a half of house searching and with all the difficulties it’s causing you… maybe it’s time to say thanks but no thanks to dad’s offer. My parents aren’t paying for my college (granted, they help me eat, haha) and certainly won’t be helping with a house. In fact, I’ve paid for much of my own food and personal items since I began HS. It’s possible to survive without their help, and I’d much rather live frugally than deal with someone else controlling such a huge area of my life for so long.
Just my opinion though… if you accept your father’s money then I have to say I doubt things will get any easier. You say it’s your “earned money.” But its’ not- he worked to earn the money. It’s still his money, so it is his business. Hope you can get this house either way!
Post # 9
@amw511s: I wouldn’t say she’s being selfish at all. The deal with her father didn’t include that he got to pick her house. I’m sure she busted her butt to get that full ride to college. Yes, it is an extremely generous gift from her father, but that doesn’t mean his opinion is the ONLY one that matters. He should take into account what OP wants. The father doesn’t have to live in the house – she and her husband and their future family will.
I agree with PPs that you need to sit down with your father and figure out your expectations. You should be the one dealing with the lender and making sure that this house will be in your name. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. 🙁 Buying a house is already a stressful enough experience!
Post # 10
@theburks: PPs are correct. YOU should be dealing with the lenders, making the offers and counter offers, etc. If your father is giving you money down, then have him give it to you as a check, in your account, to be put down at closing. If he doesn’t want to do this, then pursue an FHA loan with nothing down as a first-time home buyer. Your realtor should be able to introduce you to a reputable mortgage broker who can shop around for the best interest rate to suit you. Your father’s money has nothing to do with your mortgage if he is only giving you money for a down payment.
I closed on my condo in two weeks; Fi and I closed on our house in 3 weeks. It does not take months.
Post # 11
No we are paying for the mortgage & it’s in our name.
MissAB – It’s not a short sale or anything. I thought we could but he keeps saying since I am not there he has to which I think is just a way for him to not let us get the house. The past 4 we liked he drug his feet just long enough for us to lose them.
tksjewlery – We have a contract that’s the amusing thing, but he is refusing to do his end. That’s why I am so mad. I know I don’t “deserve” the money persay but since we signed a contract back then he does kind of owe it to me. He keeps skirting around it everytime I say the contract says he stays out of it. Now he is purposly dragging his feet hoping it sells.
Amw511s – No the deal back when we made it was that it would be my money and he wouldn’t mess with the house. He told us in the beginning we couldn’t get this house. And we did make a deal on it a long time ago, so he does kind of owe it to me. We actually signed a contract on it, that’s the way my dad is. Trust me if you knew my dad you would think different, they are VERY VERY controlling parents. I went to private school, had to have a perfect GPA, have to have a perfect life, so they can brag about it. They love being rich & I can’t stand how money affects them.
Post # 12
I’m in contract on an apartment in NYC and in this city it takes at least 3 months to close on a coop. I’m a little surprised though – you said he is making the down payment, but why would he be negotiating the price for you? That is strange. I personally would never agree to that scenario because you will be the one paying the mortgage. Unless of course you worked something out with him ahead of time that he would cover whatever amount it takes for you to only take out X mortgage. But still, as the home owners you should be involved in this process.
Darling Husband and I also had our DP gifted to us by parents, but they were not involved at all in the home selection or offer process. The only strings attached are that they get to tell whoever they want they provided the DP, which we’re fine with since there’s no other way we could have bought an apartment here.
Post # 13
And thanks I didn’t think it took months. I am pretty sure we are going to ask him to write us a check or just forget it. They can’t stand it’s not in a country club neighborhood and a 3000 square foot house but they won’t listen we can’t afford that and we will be paying the mortgage. I figured he was just dragging his feet. Doesn’t help our “realtor” is his best friend. I think we will be asking him to give us the money or we walk. I promise I am not trying to be a brat. It’s just my dad will not hold his end of the offer AT ALL and we are fed up!
Post # 14
Is the mortgage going to be in your name? My parents also gave me the downpayment, but they had to give it to me to pay myself because the mortgage was going to be in my name. They also had to sign a few papers saying it was a gift. If the mortgage is in your name, then you should be dealing with the lenders, not your father. My parents couldn’t even tell you who the lender is. I bought a house a few hours from where I was living at the time, so I did everything by phone/email, and it wasn’t a problem. I didn’t even go to the closing, just had everything mailed to me.
Luckily, my parents trusted my judgment and let me pick the house I wanted without much input. They did talk to the home inspector to make sure it didn’t have any major problems, but that was about it. However, I was expecting my parents to be more involved since it was their money enabling me to buy a house. I just think you need to take more control, but still involve your dad in the process.
If the mortgage is going to be in his name, then I think you get some input, but not a whole lot unfortunately.
ETA: It took me a month to close on my house. I had to be able to move in by a certain date, so I didn’t bother looking at houses that I wouldn’t be able to close in time, and I had a condition in the contract that if we didn’t close by x date, then the deal was off.
Another edit: I was able to close so fast because I already had everything approved by the lender. I just had to wait on the home inspection and some small things. It also helped that the owners did not live in the house.
Post # 15
@misspeanut: I agree that the choice of house should be the couple’s decision. However, the overall vibe I got from this post was ungratefulness. The poster sounded like she was entitled to that money when in fact, it is a gift. She said it’s “her money and not his business.” Well, no… it’s his money and it should partly be his business.
Post # 16
From the sound of it, your father is buying the house. Noone else can put in an offer but the actual buyer. My mother was our real estate attorney and even though she was both my mother and attorney she was no authorized to put in the offer. She drew up the papers and Darling Husband and I signed them with the offer. So either your father is buying the house or he is forging your signature.
If he buys the house and you don’t want it you certainly don’t have to live in it but that doesn’t sound like it would go over well. Is he buying you a house that is 5 hours away?
This does not sound like any type of gift or good deed, but more of a serious control issue. If you and your husband want to buy your own house that you chose, then unfortunately you are going to have to do it the old fashioned way.
Noone paid for my college or downpayment on my home and Darling Husband and I still managed and have a beautiful home. Work together as a team and build the live you both dream of together.