(Closed) Buying a house is IMPOSSIBLE!

posted 6 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Who is going to hold the mortgage after the down payment is done? I unfortunately don’t have the experience with my parents on this as we put our own down payment on our house and pay our own mortgage. If you’re paying the mortgage, you need to have a say on what the offer is b/c you’re the person who will have your name on the loan.

If your dad is paying for the house 100%, you unfortunately don’t have much of a choice. In my opinion, no one is responsible for giving you money towards anything. It’s awesome if they do, but you have to understand that strings are attached with that. Just b/c your dad didn’t pay anything towards your college doesn’t mean that you’ve earned the right to have him pay for the down payment on a house for you. 

Post # 4
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@theburks: Closing can take a few weeks — a few months. Unfortunately since he has the purse strings, hes going to drag his feet if he doesnt like something..thats why stipulation money is ALWAYS a pain in the ass. 

Post # 5
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Is he the one dealing with the lender?  I would really check on that because it sounds like it might be in his name and not yours.

We are currently in the middle of getting to close our house and it has been about a month.  I think we are finally going to close on Friday.  It might take months if it’s a short sale home but not a regular home.

But really I think you should be the one dealing with the lender, not him.  It doesn’t matter if you aren’t there or not, it can all be done by email, that’s what we do with our lender stuff since they aren’t local.

Post # 6
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think that it is time that you sat down with your dad and wrote out a contract between you two.  Write down what both of your expectations are and come to a consensus.  My dad does the same thing with me everytime we have to do something big together, so I make him sit down and write everything out so there is a clear understanding of the boundries before we even start.  Why not give it a try, you will not be out anything.

Post # 7
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m sorry, but wow!  You should totally ungrateful and quite selfish.  Sorry if that’s harsh, but seriously!?!  If my parents were paying the down-payment for house for my future husband and I, my attitude would be very different than yours appears to be.  If your dad is paying the down payment, than it most certainly is HIS business.  I’m just totally taken aback by this entire post…. yikes!  Your dad doesn’t owe you a house just because you got a full ride to college.

Post # 8
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with PPs that you should be dealing with the lender. You’ll be paying the mortgage right? I would NOT be comfortable with not knowing what I was offering on a house! I think after a year and a half of house searching and with all the difficulties it’s causing you… maybe it’s time to say thanks but no thanks to dad’s offer. My parents aren’t paying for my college (granted, they help me eat, haha) and certainly won’t be helping with a house. In fact, I’ve paid for much of my own food and personal items since I began HS. It’s possible to survive without their help, and I’d much rather live frugally than deal with someone else controlling such a huge area of my life for so long.

Just my opinion though… if you accept your father’s money then I have to say I doubt things will get any easier. You say it’s your “earned money.” But its’ not- he worked to earn the money. It’s still his money, so it is his business. Hope you can get this house either way!

Post # 9
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@amw511s: I wouldn’t say she’s being selfish at all. The deal with her father didn’t include that he got to pick her house. I’m sure she busted her butt to get that full ride to college. Yes, it is an extremely generous gift from her father, but that doesn’t mean his opinion is the ONLY one that matters. He should take into account what OP wants. The father doesn’t have to live in the house – she and her husband and their future family will.

I agree with PPs that you need to sit down with your father and figure out your expectations. You should be the one dealing with the lender and making sure that this house will be in your name. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. 🙁 Buying a house is already a stressful enough experience!

Post # 10
Member
3520 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@theburks:  PPs are correct.  YOU should be dealing with the lenders, making the offers and counter offers, etc.  If your father is giving you money down, then have him give it to you as a check, in your account, to be put down at closing.  If he doesn’t want to do this, then pursue an FHA loan with nothing down as a first-time home buyer.  Your realtor should be able to introduce you to a reputable mortgage broker who can shop around for the best interest rate to suit you.  Your father’s money has nothing to do with your mortgage if he is only giving you money for a down payment.

I closed on my condo in two weeks; Fi and I closed on our house in 3 weeks.  It does not take months.

Post # 12
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m in contract on an apartment in NYC and in this city it takes at least 3 months to close on a coop. I’m a little surprised though – you said he is making the down payment, but why would he be negotiating the price for you? That is strange. I personally would never agree to that scenario because you will be the one paying the mortgage. Unless of course you worked something out with him ahead of time that he would cover whatever amount it takes for you to only take out X mortgage. But still, as the home owners you should be involved in this process.

Darling Husband and I also had our DP gifted to us by parents, but they were not involved at all in the home selection or offer process. The only strings attached are that they get to tell whoever they want they provided the DP, which we’re fine with since there’s no other way we could have bought an apartment here.

Post # 14
Member
2214 posts
Buzzing bee

Is the mortgage going to be in your name?  My parents also gave me the downpayment, but they had to give it to me to pay myself because the mortgage was going to be in my name.  They also had to sign a few papers saying it was a gift.  If the mortgage is in your name, then you should be dealing with the lenders, not your father.  My parents couldn’t even tell you who the lender is.  I bought a house a few hours from where I was living at the time, so I did everything by phone/email, and it wasn’t a problem.  I didn’t even go to the closing, just had everything mailed to me.

Luckily, my parents trusted my judgment and let me pick the house I wanted without much input.  They did talk to the home inspector to make sure it didn’t have any major problems, but that was about it.  However, I was expecting my parents to be more involved since it was their money enabling me to buy a house.  I just think you need to take more control, but still involve your dad in the process.

If the mortgage is going to be in his name, then I think you get some input, but not a whole lot unfortunately.

ETA: It took me a month to close on my house.  I had to be able to move in by a certain date, so I didn’t bother looking at houses that I wouldn’t be able to close in time, and I had a condition in the contract that if we didn’t close by x date, then the deal was off.

Another edit: I was able to close so fast because I already had everything approved by the lender.  I just had to wait on the home inspection and some small things.  It also helped that the owners did not live in the house.

Post # 15
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@misspeanut:  I agree that the choice of house should be the couple’s decision.  However, the overall vibe I got from this post was ungratefulness.  The poster sounded like she was entitled to that money when in fact, it is a gift.  She said it’s “her money and not his business.”  Well, no… it’s his money and it should partly be his business.

Post # 16
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

From the sound of it, your father is buying the house. Noone else can put in an offer but the actual buyer. My mother was our real estate attorney and even though she was both my mother and attorney she was no authorized to put in the offer. She drew up the papers and Darling Husband and I signed them with the offer. So either your father is buying the house or he is forging your signature.

If he buys the house and you don’t want it you certainly don’t have to live in it but that doesn’t sound like it would go over well. Is he buying you a house that is 5 hours away?

This does not sound like any type of gift or good deed, but more of a serious control issue. If you and your husband want to buy your own house that you chose, then unfortunately you are going to have to do it the old fashioned way.

Noone paid for my college or downpayment on my home and Darling Husband and I still managed and have a beautiful home. Work together as a team and build the live you both dream of together.

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