(Closed) Buying a house together before getting engaged?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Where I am from it’s pretty norma, you buy an apartment/house, not necessarily getting married because of that. A house together is a pretty good commitment alone, I must say.

Why should you push for marriage if you want a house to live together in, do you feel you want to this in affirmation from your BF? Just make sure all legal papers are sorted out.

I guess I am a bit open minded in things like this, but if you are unsure, maybe you should just talk to him about the house talks, and what you want out of the relationship, so you are both on the same page.

 

Post # 4
Member
5009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

We bought a house together nearly a year before he proposed.

I personally feel it gave us a stronger foundation to plan our wedding, knowing that we’d already paid our deposit and a year’s mortgage before drawing up a wedding budget. I’ve never had to think “maybe I should skip that [insert not vitally important wedding item here] and save the money for a deposit.”

Post # 5
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We did. Renting was getting too expensive. The deal was meant to be that we got engaged soon after because my parents were quite against it. Still hasn’t happened nearly a year later – have to admit…little annoyed about that. 

Post # 6
Member
4230 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I think this is very sensible.

Post # 8
Member
595 posts
Busy bee

We did. Originally, I had said I wanted to be engaged before we bought a house but after we got pre-approved I saw our house online and it would have been really dumb for us to pass it up, so we bought the house last December and got engaged in June. 

Post # 9
Member
612 posts
Busy bee

We bought a house together 2.5 years ago. We were in no rush to get married, but we knew we wanted a house. No one batted an eyelash, and we haven’t had any problems. I’d do it again!

Post # 10
Member
1052 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Cedar Lake Cellars

We bought one together and we’re still not engaged.  No one cared in our family; they know we intend to get married and why waste the rent money in the mean time,

Post # 11
Member
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It’s really normal among my friends. But I would say with everyone, us included, there was already  a strong commitment involved. Marriage/engagement was on the horizon so it was no biggie.

Post # 12
Member
1908 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I personally wouldn’t do it. The fall out of a couple that breaks up and owns a home together but aren’t married is intense. Legally, it’s a nightmare. Not saying that would happen to you, but yeah, it does happen. If you decide to do it, I’d consider both of you seeking separate legal counsel and drawing up a contract that would dictate what happens if you break up. 

I know people it’s worked out for and people it hasn’t so it really just depends on the couple. To me, if you are wanting to get engaged first, I’d make it clear that is your priority and you wanted to be engaged before you buy a house.

Post # 13
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I also wouldn’t do it in both of your names.  I agree with Krises, the legal implications of undoing the purchase are very difficult.

My opinion – Committing to a financial tie to someone is not the same commitment as marriage.  “Let’s not waste our $$ on rent” is not equal to “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Post # 14
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

We bought a year before we got engaged, and it was the best decision for us. I wouldnt change a thing.

Post # 15
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I think its perfectly OK, but for me I would want a clear discussion of plans for engagement and a wedding with an expected timeline.

I really wouldnt want to be surprised a year after buying it that he “doesnt really see the point of getting married, Its like we are married already

As long as you are the same page with all future plans (house, wedding, kids etc)

Post # 16
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

We bought 2 years before we got engaged. We were together 5.5 years prior to that though. My Dad wasn’t thrilled about it but he understood our reasons.

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