(Closed) Buying a house together before getting engaged?

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 47
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We did! Hands down, it was the best decision we’ve ever made! It was a smart financial move for us, we were renting for 3 1/2 years and decided we would rather buy. We ended up building our home, and got an incredible deal. We have been living in it now for almost 2 months, and we wake up every morning and absolutely love it and still can’t believe it’s ours.. lol! We had the talk of ring and wedding or house first, we both picked house. Now we are in the process of designing a ring and wedding. Waiting a little bit longer for the ring and marriage, so we could have our dream home, wasn’t a huge deal for us, we already know we will be getting married. I understand the PPs concerns, but to each their own! ๐Ÿ™‚



EDIT: I do agree that there should be an agreement on engagement and marriage. You should discuss that those are a must. Him ‘hinting’ is not enough. There needs to be a discussion. That way there aren’t any surprises down the road and you’re both on the same page! I would flat out ask him. lol but that’s me. Hope this helped. Good luck!


Post # 48
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Butterbee: I am in the  same sitution as you right now….

SO keeps talking about purchasing a home, renting is wasting our money. he has told me he has been saving for a down payment on a home and is close to his ideal target.  I to want to own a home but am a little scared at making such a big purchase with someone I am not married too.

I have not told him yet, that I am not comfortable with the idea until we are at least engaged. I have seen friends buy homes with boyfriends and be stuck with debt after the break up. I need to tell him I want a ring on my finger before we decide to purchase….then at least I will have some say at what home we are buying. Its not like he can’t use a little of the down payment money to buy me a modest ring. I feel that if he really wanted to marry me after 3 years of dating he would have done it by now. why buy the cow when you get the milk for free..right?…..this will only get worse after buying a home together.

Post # 49
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

We bought our house in July 2010 and were engaged by November 2010.  Before buying the house we had seriously talked about marriage and were both on the same page that it was something we most definately saw for ourselves in the very near future.  I wouldn’t have agreed to buy the house is this wasn’t the case. 

We saw buying the house before a wedding as getting our lives as a couple together.  A wedding is one day but a marriage is a life time (and you kind of need a place to live after getting married!).  Signing the mortgage papers was just as much of a commitment in my mind as signing our marriage license.   

Post # 50
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Me and SO are the example of what your asking. We bought a house together (mortgage and everything) before even living together, we both moved from our parents houses, and put all our monies on the table for it.

Like you, we thought waiting was like throwing money away to somebody elses pocket, and not really 100% your own home.

We bought the house after a year and half of dating, still living together a year and a half on.. no proposal. But it’s in the process and we both are planning for it to happen soon, so I am happy. ๐Ÿ™‚

Buy a home first, wedding afterwards – you can’t live in the church after the wedding is over..

Post # 52
2223 posts
Buzzing bee

Perhaps “I don’t feel 100% comfortable sharing a mortgage with you if marriage isn’t seriously on the table. And I don’t mean, ‘you want to marry me one day’ on the table. I mean there are plans for us to get engaged soon, maybe even married before the house is purchased. What do you think?”

There are a million ways you can ask without it sounding like an ultimatum. My guy really wanted to be on our mortgage. I straight up told him, ” I love you, but I can’t honestly share that kind of debt with someone I’m not married to.” He was disappointed but he understood.

Post # 53
2396 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@claireos: yes. I told my Fiance the same thing…I was not comfortable with having all that financial responsiblity with someone I was not married to. I wanted him to show responsibility to me, first!

But seriously,

View original reply
@Butterbee:, what Claireos said is good. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 54
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I’m shocked at how many people are recommending buying a hosue together without being on the paper work. I’d far rather be liable for mortgage payments than to lose the house entirely if we split up. Here, even married, if you split up without your name on the mortgage and deeds you get nothing without lawyers wading in VERY heavily. If you’re both on the mortgage and deeds then it would be assumed that it’s split evenly unless otherwise agreed. 

That said, buying a house was FAR more important to us to begin with than getting married. Much though I’m looking forward to the wedding and to the feeling of being married, a house was FAR more important to me. I’d been saving for a deposit long before we got together, as had he, and buying was really high on my priorities.

Post # 55
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall

I don’t see a problem with it as long as you trust your partner and have been together long enough to make sure you know it’s solid. We did it. Now we’ve been married for about 2 years and still in our house!

Post # 56
975 posts
Busy bee

I posted a similar thread last week, Which do you want first: a house or a wedding?, so the answers may be interesting to you. ๐Ÿ™‚ There’s over 80 responses outlining the way round that people did things. It showed that everyone is different, really! Lots of people said there’s no way their money would mix before marriage, but I’m still on the team of it being perfectly normal to buy a house before getting engaged. Good luck with whatever you choose.


Post # 58
2024 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

We SORT of did this–I kept my condo and rented it out; Fi’s lease ran out so he bought a house and I moved in with him.  Once we’re married, we’re going to keep the condo as a rental property, and co-own the house (I help a little with the mortgage now).

We’re older, though, so my condo was my safety net.  We got engaged about 9 months after moving into the new house.

Post # 60
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m really surprised at how many people are against buying a home before being engaged..

My SO and I have bought 2 houses without being engaged! To be honest, marriage hasn’t even been on my radar until a couple of months ago (we’ve been together 8 years now), and owning property was more important to me as I felt it secured our future much better. I could spend 20 thousand on a wedding or use that money for two house deposits and be sitting pretty in the housing market.

It most definitely a personal descision, but where I stand now at 25, we have enough savings and capital that we can get married the way we want to (without relying on any support from family in costings) and I’ll be a Stay-At-Home Mom when the time comes because we’ve set ourselves up financially. I guess, what I’m trying to say is it just depends on your priorities both right now, and into your future.. Goodluck! :] 

Post # 61
254 posts
Helper bee

@Butterbee: *DROOL* That’s a great house. Okay, forget what I said. Go buy it! Hahaha

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