(Closed) Buying a house together before getting engaged?

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 63
Hostess
11161 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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@KatyElle: Well said.

 

I am personally against it, but I certainly don’t look down up on those that own together without being married. Again I am somewhat biased as I don’t want to own a home in general so that probably affects my overall opinion.

I do know a couple that became engaged because he wanted to buy a house (with her money) and she refused to do so without a ring. I found it strangely ironic that less than two months after telling my Fiance that he wasn’t ready for marriage despite his GF’s strong demands he none the less proposed. They signed the papers on the house a week after the proposal and are now married. Whatever works.

Post # 64
Member
15523 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@Butterbee: I think if you both know you want to buy a house and want to get married… and he knows the order in which you want that to happen, that hopefully, he will go ahead and do it!  I was in exactly the same situation, we had started looking at houses to buy, and still no ring after 1.5 months of serious house hunting.  He proposed not too long after, about 2 months after we started looking seriously at houses with a few gentle reminders that I wanted a ring on my finger if he wanted his name on the deed.

Post # 65
Hostess
11161 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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@Butterbee: Where is this house? My mom lived down the street from a similar house in Southern California…just thought I would ask. πŸ™‚

Post # 67
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

Personally, I would never buy a house without being Married.  Houses aren’t investments anymore and if something god forbid happens and you two break up, how are you going to sell your house? You will both most likely have to take a loss, buy the other person out, walk away with nothing.  If you’re married and something happens you most likely will have been living in your house for a while before the divorce and have paid enough on your house to either A. break even or B. been together long enough for the economy to turn around.  Some men get comfortable living with their SO and keep pushing off the engagement. I’m not saying that this is inevitable but it does happen. I even have friends that are engaged and living together but their SO’s won’t set a wedding date, don’t speak of a wedding, and aren’t planning for the wedding (engaged for over a year) because they like having a woman around to cook, clean, and take care of them. Why actually commit when you have your woman already doing everything for you? I know I wouldn’t. I own my own home, SO does not.  We are planning on getting engaged and married within the next year but he’s not moving in until I have that ring on my finger.  It sucks not falling alseep next to him every night but I need that commitment before he moves in.  Everyone has their own opinion. Do what you think is best for you.  Just remember this is a very expensive commitment.  I’ve seen many couples move in together, break up, then have to move out and still pay on a house they don’t live in plus rent for an apartment to live in.

Post # 68
Member
18627 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

To be honest, I wouldn’t.  It scares me to intertwine my financial future with someone without a solid commitment about the future.  If you do it, you need to write something up about where the downpayment comes from and how proceeds will be split if you did break up.  It also might be hard to get one party to sell the house if you were to break up, which means you would be out the money you put into it possibly.

Post # 69
Member
5008 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@SpartyGirl: Please don’t get me wrong, you’re entitled to your point of view… but that is hideously sexist. There are plenty of women who don’t want to commit and plenty of men who do and if you’re the one doing all the looking after that’s your issue. 

It’s no more simple to sell a house if you get divorced. To buy a house together is a commitment in and of itself and a lot of people seem to be making very light of that fact.

Post # 71
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

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@Butterbee: MY GOSH! that house is adorable!! i would want to buy it as well especially if your going to be spending the rest of your life together anyways

We did it, so maybe im biased but it seems to make alot more sense. If you see yourself together in 40yrs why not be together in the first home you bought πŸ™‚

Post # 72
Member
3294 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

We closed on our house on August 13, 2010. We got engaged August 24, 2011 πŸ™‚

Not being engaged was a concern, but I guess I got over it until the waiting really kicked in. If you’re the type of person to have a bit of insecurity, be completely honest with yourself about what you need from your partner.

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