(Closed) Buying a wedding dress YOU love vs. a dress FI would love

posted 6 years ago in Dress
  • poll: Did you buy the dress of YOUR dreams or HIS?
    I bought a dress that I know I would love, screw my FI, he better be lucky to have me show up at all : (81 votes)
    28 %
    I bought a dress that I know my FI would drool over despite it not being my favorite : (10 votes)
    4 %
    I think I found a dress that we both will love : (194 votes)
    68 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    9681 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @MrsAgainstTheGrain:  To me, this is a really obvious answer. When you walk down the aisle it is important that you feel beautiful, but to me it is more important that my Fiance thinks I look beautiful and I get that amazing first look from him. If I wasn’t letting Fiance come dress shopping with me (which I am), I would certainly ask him what dresses he liked well before I started looking for one.

    I wouldn’t want to wear the opposite of what he liked and I hate the assumption, “oh, he will think you’re beautiful in anything.” Sure, he will pretend he does. But why have a mediocre response when you can WOW him? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I intend to take full advantage.

    Post # 33
    Member
    6107 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    So I ended up with a mix of what we both want…by accident. I didn’t think to ask him what he likes before I went shopping and randomly asked him after I bought my dress (could have been a huge mistake!). He told me he likes the traditional A-line style, no ruffles, not a crazy amount of sparkle, etc. (he said that all in more generic terms). Well my dress happens to be an A-line altough my bodice is super blingy and while the skirt isn’t ruffles, it is textured (kind of like flowers/petals). So I think my dress is a happy medium between what he likes and what I like.

    Post # 34
    Member
    9681 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @This Time Round:  +1 that it shouldn’t be all about you. Brides often tell grooms what to wear but then have heart attacks and/or ignore the groom when he says what he likes. Seems a bit weird to me :-

    Post # 35
    Member
    458 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I took his likes/dislikes into consideration, but ultimately I bought my dress for me.  I know that what he really wants is for me to be happy and feel beautiful, and he will find me beautiful if I am radiating that happiness.

    For example, he said “I hate strapless”…but in my mind, this is the one time my full-chested self can pull off strapless!  So I tried on some with straps and sleeves, but ultimately my dress is…strapless.

    Just as the proposal was for him, in many ways, the dress is for *me*.

    Plus, as PPs said, he gets to wear whatever he wants (within reason)…he was just kind enough to ask me my opinion.  ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thankfully he caught me watching Four Weddings last night and he said “I kind of like that dress”…and it was a very similar silhouette to mine.  PHEW.

    ETA: that dress on Four Weddings was strapless, so I know I’m fine with regards to that.  ๐Ÿ™‚

    ETA (Again): If I thought he would only be happy with the dress because I was happy and wouldn’t get a “wow”, I might have approached this differently, but I know that he is uninvested enough in the dress and just from his personality that his “wow” really wouldn’t be dress related in any scenario.

    Post # 36
    Member
    9681 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @badabing88:  +1. His opinion is the only one that matters. My Fiance will be coming dress shopping with me too (when I hate my body a bit less :P).

    Post # 37
    Member
    2066 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @MrsAgainstTheGrain:  oh yesss. were you in the jenny packham thread? and you posted a picture of it on you? in platinum i believe?!?!?! if so… do nooooooooooooooooot get another dress! either way, don’t get another dress. that dress is perfection!!!!

    Post # 38
    Member
    2902 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @mu_t:  @MrsAgainstTheGrain:  Jenny can’t be beat, she wins every time ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I’m going to pick a dress we will both love. I know what he likes, luckily I like it too. I want his jaw to hit the floor. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    2564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I did not ask Fiance opinion on dress styles at all.  He has no clue about clothes (he wears t-shirts and jean shorts).  Honestly, even if your Fiance likes a different style of dress or thinks he doesn’t like your dream dress style, he will love whatever dress you pick because it will be the dress you wear the day you marry him.  I highly doubt any groom is thinking to himself when his beautiful bride walks down the aisle “I can’t believe she picked a ballgown, I like mermaid dresses much better”

    Post # 40
    Member
    955 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I bought a dress that we both loved!  The first thing he said to me when I got to him at the end of the aisle was “you did GOOD babe!” ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 41
    Member
    1063 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Fiance has made it pretty clear that the dress is actually important to him.  Obviously he’s going to marry me no matter what I wear, but I don’t think that’s justification for dismissing his opinion.  Just because I’d marry him if he showed up in jeans in a t-shirt doesn’t mean I’d be happy about it.

    As a result, he has been dress shopping with me.  Our wedding recently turned more casual, so I’ve told him that we might need to start looking at less traditional dresses.  He is super disappointed, so we’re going to need to figure out a compromise.

    Post # 42
    Member
    2515 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    Darling Husband didn’t give a crap what i wore. i showed him some dresses in magazines and his response was a blank look on his face. lol i don’t think women should buy a dress they don’t love just because their Fiance loves it. seriously, your Fiance is going to love you in any dress you pick when he sees you on your weding day. he might have opinions beforehand but that all goes out the window once you’re in the dress on the day of.

    Post # 43
    Member
    1030 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    This is a really common story I have heard from soooo many people! Men are notorious for not picking out what looks best on us or not being able to make the leap of visualizing a piture on a page or on someone else to you. ESPECIALLY when it comes to something like a wedding dress, which isn’t just a simple garmet!

    I say buy and keep the dress of your dreams. If you love it – you will glow and radiate beauty, love and confidence. That is what he will see, not the dress. Plus, on your wedding day, he will see you all dressed up in it and it will look just like you in a way he never could have imagined and he will be so enamored because its your wedding day and hes marrying you!

    Basically, don’t listen to his fashion sense. If you followed your heart and it reflects you, he loves you so he will love the dress on your day!

    Ps. no more asking him about dresses or showing him pics, it will just stress you out! hehe 

     

    Post # 44
    Member
    4524 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I am in love with so etching I think he’d love too, but if I’m spending that much on a dress I only get to wear once, it is going to be for me first, him second

    Post # 45
    Member
    7058 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I bought a dress I loved, I felt pretty sure that it wasn’t going to be something that Darling Husband was a huge fan of. I mean, I think he thought I was beautiful but he’s really traditional and I bet he was expecting a strapless ballgown. I ended up with a V neck lace dress.

    Post # 46
    Member
    342 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @MrsAgainstTheGrain:  So here is what I did…

    Before I went dress shopping I told my SO that I would love a blush dress. He firmly told me that he wanted his bride in ivory or white. I decided to listen to what he wanted. During one of my consultations, she pulled a blush dress because of the style not the color. But as soon as I put it on, I was in LOVE!! I knew it was the one. I was hestitant saying yes to the dress because of the color. So, my mom text him saying that I had found the perfect dress, that I was beautiful in it, but that it was blush. He replied by saying “I want her to be happy and a blush dress will not change my love for her.”

     

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