Buying yourself a ring

posted 4 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
292 posts
Helper bee

Is marriage not something either of you want, or not something your partner wants? Because if you want a proposal, you want a ring, and you want to spend your life with him… that’s the steps to getting married. Are you looking to buy yourself a ring that represents a commitment to him, or are you just looking for permisison to buy yourself some bling? Why a ring? Would you be happy with a new necklace? I’m a bit confused all around.

If you really want a proposal and an engagement ring, it kinda sounds like you need to talk to your boyfriend about that. It kinda sounds to me like you and your boyfriend want different things.

Post # 3
Member
6057 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

There is absolutely nothing wrong with treating yourself to something lovely. A ring doesn’t have to mean anything, but if you’re hung up on the “meaning” part, then definitely get it as an “hooray I’m still alive!” ring. 

You are saying some conflicting things about engagement and marriage though. Are you sure YOU don’t ever want to get married again? 

Post # 4
Member
1928 posts
Buzzing bee

I would not buy an engagement-style ring and wear it on your left ring finger given that you’re not planning to get engaged. That said, I think buying yourself a beautiful RHR would be wonderful and could be very symbolic even if it’s not representing a partnership. 

Post # 5
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I love engagement style rings and will always want them in the future even though I already have one as a married person. To me the ring is just an object though and has whatever symbolic meaning you want it to have, so I don’t feel too bad about wearing different types or kinds on the left ring finger (though I am married so I don’t mind obviously if people think I am). If you don’t plan on getting married maybe it is just a representation of your commitment, though in that case he should be in the loop abot it. Or people even purchase rings as a symbol of their commitment to themselves….I know a lot of people who wear these types of rings on their left ring finger because to them it’s just a place to put a ring.

If you do find yourself longing to get married, I think that should be a discussion with your SO….it could lead to resentment in the future and IMO it’s best to clear the air. It seems like you’re wanting this ring to actually be an engagement ring, and the only way it will be is if he’s in the loop about it! 

Post # 6
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

If you’re going to buy yourself a ring that looks like an engagement ring, and you’re planning on wearing it on your left ring finger, I’d talk to your SO first. You as a couple are going to get a lot of side-eye and questions if you do this. And it’s not to say that your should let others’ opinions control your life, but there’s no reason you can’t buy yourself a RHR.

I agree with PPs. It seems quite obvious that even if your SO doesn’t want to get married again, you do. That means you need an honest conversation with him, and if you’re not going to get engaged, then you should just buy yourself a RHR.

Post # 8
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2019

I’m going to set aside the question of whether you want to get married or whether he wants to get married; that’s for you to decide and discuss as you see fit. 

As far as your question about the ring goes, I saw and fell in love with a ring that had a single diamond in a solitaire-ish setting. It was made of recycled materials and the design had a meaning that really spoke to me. I bought it for myself as a 40th birthday present to symbolize the fact that I had achieved a heck of a lot given some pretty tough challenges. I love that ring, and I wear it on whatever finger it feels most comfortable on (my fingers swell and shrink with the heat/cold). Sometimes that’s the ring finger of my left hand and I had no qualms about wearing it there even before I was engaged.

That ring can symbolize whatever you darn well want it to symbolize, and if it makes you happy, go for it.

I also buy myself flowers when the mood strikes. They’re pretty and they make me happy. Love them just as much when they’re a treat from myself as I do when my fiancé buys them 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1282 posts
Bumble bee

Reading between the lines it sounds like you want to get married. Nothing wrong with that and nothing wrong with getting a beautiful piece of jewelry. But just make sure that you’re not getting a ring to assuage the pain of not getting what you really want.

Post # 11
Member
6057 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Ondine :  I think you need to have a good talk with your SO. You two sound like you’re on different pages here. You imply that you want everything a marriage would bring (even a proposal) but not the legal part. But it sounds like your SO doesn’t want to/plan on ever buying you a ring/proposing/etc. Does he know you want all those things? What are his thoughts? 

Post # 12
Member
1707 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

There’s also the word ‘partner’ instead of boyfriend. Which is what I used after being in a committed relationship with my current fi but we had already talked about marraige and now you’re engaged. 

My aunt treated herself to a gorgeous yellow diamond ring that she wears on her right hand. She is single beautiful and proud. And nothing wrong with celebrating that, or whatever you want in life. 

Post # 13
Member
825 posts
Busy bee

I would talk to your SO about this. You can absolutely have a ring that symbolizes your committment, even if you are not legally married. My uncle (mom’s brother) has a long-time domestic partner (of 35+ years), we call her Aunt and consider her part of the family, she wears a band on her left finger, but they are not legally married. They’re both on the title for the house they live in, and they both have each other in their wills, maybe a couple of other legal ties, basically to protect the other when one of them passes.

Post # 14
Member
722 posts
Busy bee

I say buy yourself a ring. I have a right hand diamond ring bought by me. I figure I earned it after so many failed marriages 

Post # 15
Member
1282 posts
Bumble bee

I totally don’t understand the rationale for living like married people, combining finances and calling each other husband and wife – but not getting married. To me it feels like someone’s holding on to an easy out. But that’s me, I call a spade a spade.

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