(Closed) By all rights, I should have been engaged by now….VENT

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee

No you aren’t crazy. You have two kids by the guy. After one child I would have been pretty pissed. But to be honest, you let him get away with that, so why would he have any incentive to propose now?

Post # 4
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I don’t think you’re crazy.  I probably would’ve been stark raving mad after him spending over 1000 to go lollygaggin with his friends after saying “if I could afford the ring sooner, I would get it sooner”.  THAT is crazy, not you my dear. 

But since you know that it is coming soon, try to enjoy it… and realize that a lot of men just don’t “get” the torture of waiting.  I know it must’ve been horribly rough for you after having two of the man’s children.  Ugh.. better you than I because I’d probably be violent by now, Lol.  But seriously, I’m sure that he has a lovely proposal planned… it may be later than it should be, but it is coming.  Try to get yourself to a place that you will be able to enjoy it!

Post # 6
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee

With that response, I think you are a little wrong to be upset. If you had the choice between a baby and a wedding, and you chose baby, you can’t blame him for taking longer to propose to you.

Post # 7
Member
9230 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

Maybe it’s an age thing, but I don’t get why so many women are not only moving in with but having babies with bfs without so much as a commitment to be married soon.

Guess I’m just way behind the times.  But this new have babies first policy doesn’t seem to be generating a lot of bliss for all concerned.

Post # 9
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@ILikePink:  I have to agree.  I don’t plan on having ANYONE’S child until after I’m married.  Not condemning those who do.. but it seems like by choosing to have another child, you prolonged your own engagement.  Would it really have been so bad to have maybe another year between the kids?  I mean, it’s your decision, but.. you can’t really be too mad at him for it taking so long if your decision is part of the reason.

Post # 10
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@sassy411:  I totally agree.  I don’t get it either.  I mean, I understand “surpises” but to actually TTC before you’re married (or even engaged?)  And then wonder what’s delaying the proposal?  That, I don’t understand. 

OP, I honestly don’t think you have grounds to be upset.  He gave you the choice of a wedding or a baby.  You chose the baby, showing him that marriage was not that high on your priority list.  If money is the issue, you can always suggest eloping or a courthouse wedding. 

Post # 11
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@Bostonsmom: Our first child wasn’t planned!!!

Yes, but your second was.

Post # 12
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

You made a decision to try for baby #2 when you could have decided for a wedding.  I think he doesn’t need to propose.

Post # 14
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Why did it have to be a choice between one or the other? I’ve had a couple friends now that have sported a cute little bump during their weddings. They knew marriage was for them (accidental baby or no), and they knew they would have expenses because of the addition to their family so they just went out and purchased wedding rings and had small, family-only wedding. 

It doesn’t have to be a one or the other proposition!

Post # 15
Member
9230 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

From the NYT.  “Why the Ring Matters.”

“But a growing body of social scientific evidence strongly suggests that cohabitation and children don’t mix, even though more than 40 percent of American children will spend some time in a cohabiting household.”

This from a not exactly conservative news outlet . . .

 

http://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2010/12/19/why-remarry/why-the-ring-matters

 Not exactly on point because it talks about kids from other dads, but still a worthy read.

The topic ‘By all rights, I should have been engaged by now….VENT’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors