(Closed) “By Invitation Only” Reception

posted 12 years ago in Reception
Post # 77
8375 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

So, at my venue, they’re pretty big on “only the invited people” getting to enter to the reception. So i actually had to give the planner lady a LIST of everybody invited by alphabetical name. So it would say: Smith, John + Wife, Table 6. So that when they entered the reception (which, to be fair, was only one small set of double doors), instead of everyone crowding around to see where they were sitting and just winging it, she seemed almost like a matre d’ or whatever. She said that she’d tactfully explain to anybody NOT on that list (which i checked like, 100 times by the way) that they weren’t on the list–did they receive an invitation to the reception? And address it from there.

Basically, SHE got to be the bad guy. I try not to look at it like someone ‘standing guard’ but more like a personal escort or something, haha.

It’s what my venue said had worked in the past for people who tagged along. I had to include WHO was invited next to the name, which for us was pretty specific, as we didn’t do “and family” or leave our RSVPs open for interpretation

Post # 78
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

When my sister was married her mother in law demanded she have a sit down meal for her guests even though she only wanted a cocktail recpetion.  This demand was due to it being proper ettiquette to properly feed your guests.  This put 12 months onto her engagement as even though this woman demnaded that she didn’t offer to support the extra cost to the budget.

To say that if you don’t follow the rules of etiquette to the letter then you are just flipping the bird those who do or at at your guests is abit rich, and highly offensive.

What about other cultures from around the world that have several levels of celebrating weddings some events being only for family and others being for the wider community involved?  Is this fipping the bird?

As I said in my original post, I understand why some people are highly conerned and follow it closly.  The same as some feel strongly about tradition.  Is this bride who decides to wear a bright red dress flipping the bird at those who have long dreamed of wearing a pure white dress?  No, she is just finding her way to interpret this important moment in her life in her own style. 

As far as I am concerned, I will be making time for all my guests whether they be invited to dinner or not.  I will not be going well screw you guys see you later and taking off.  Just because I can’t afford to accomodate them at dinner, and also don’t have the room to accomodate them.  Doesn’t mean that I don’t think they aren’t impotant enough to share my day with me in some small way.  I believe being open and honest with your guests is respecting their feelings. 

I already run my own home, have a child and by the time my wedding comes around will actually have a second child as well.  I can not justify huge amounts of money on my nuptuals.  And I am not asking my parents for any money as I feel they have already done enough in my life and I don’t feel comfortable with asking for more.  So does that mean ettiquette is flipping the bird to me by stating that oh well you can’t afford to get married in the style that wiill include all the interested parties you have in your life, so you just can’t ever get married!?


Post # 79
2492 posts
Buzzing bee

It is not a breach of etiquette if you don’t feed your guests a full meal. Many people cannot afford that and they don’t violate etiquette. Cake and coffee at a non-meal time is very common if someone cannot afford anything else or if they just don’t want to serve a full meal. By your statements, they are being rude and offensive by doing so which is not true at all. No one is saying that you have to spend millions of dollars you don’t have, just because the wedding industry says you will be doomed for divorce if you don’t or that your marriage won’t be valid. You decide on what you can afford and work with the money that you have. If that means dessert only and cutting out alcohol, then that is what you do.

The only things required at a wedding are a minister, a licence, two witnesses, none of which add up to the national average of 5-6 digit figures. Everything at the reception is completely optional. Proper manners though are a must regardless.

Post # 80
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wowza. Things are getting pretty heated up in here! Deep breaths people….

OK, to throw my two cents in, I do think you’ll have to be pretty clear on your invities about the need to RSVP, whether folks get a plus one or not, and if kids are allowed. “While we love your whole family, this is an adults only event”…I swear I saw something like that on an invite sometime!

But also, I think you are stressing yourself out way too much about something that has not happened yet. I can totally relate, and I definitely do this too. But this has NOT happened – and might not! 50 people have not shown up unannounced at your wedding, and if that many did, I would be surprised. A few might, but I bet what will more realistically happen is that Mrs. Westfield from church will drop a comment like “Can’t wait to celebrate your lovely wedding!” and then you can reply with “That’s so sweet of you! We are, though, keeping the guest list small, just closest friends and family.”

Go on a PR blitz at church and everywhere else about how SMALL the wedding is going to be, and how only those closest to you can be invitied. But please don’t stress – if the invites are not even sent out, you will be stressing about this for a longgggggggggg time!

Post # 82
2 posts
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Miss Britt: i know this post is old but i love that seating chart, now i think im going to change mine and make this instead love this site lol

Post # 83
1291 posts
Bumble bee

Isn’t the ceremony always open to whoever wants to come? Are you sending invitations to people for the ceremony only? I would only invite those who will be attending the reception. If people without an invite show up at the ceremony then they should know by convention that they are not invited to the reception as they didn’t get an invitation….

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