Post # 1
I just recieved the invitation to the coed wedding shower being thrown for my Fiance and me. Two of my FI’s family members are hosting this BBQ event. I was a little uncomfortable with the fact that the invitation said guests should bring whatever they would like to drink and sides for the BBQ in addition to our registry information.
My understanding of shower etiquette is somewhat rudimentary but I feel uncomfortable with asking guests to contribute to food and including gift information. I would be happy to contribute to the event by providing sides for the meal or purchasing drinks. Or I feel like we could simply let guests know that gifts aren’t a part of the shower (maybe asking for recipes instead?).
I am having a traditional bridal shower with some of my bridal party and family/family friends that live in my homestate. This BBQ was a chance for the family and bridal party members that live in the same state as my Fiance and me to meet and mingle (attending the bridal shower would be too costly for many who live near us to attend). I want to have a great afternoon with my loved ones but I feel like the invitation is asking too much. Should I address this with the hosts? The invitation is an e-vite so it could be edited to reflect revisions suggested above.
Post # 2
Since it’s an e-vite I’d talk it over with the hosts. Just ask them to add “no gifts please” and take off your registry info. It might also help to remove the “shower” wording as a shower is traditionally a party that you bring a gift to. Maybe engagement party is a more appropriate term?
I agree that asking guests to a potluck means that you can’t also ask for gifts. Their contribution of food & drinks is enough.
Post # 3
So is this a shower or is this not a shower? It sounds like it may just be a ‘pre-wedding get together’ and NOT a shower. A shower is a hosted event, and gift giving in nature. If you are having something that is just for people to mingle, I guess BYOB/pot luck is ok. I’d probably still talk to the hosts and tell them you are uncomfortable with guests required to bring things and offer some $$. I would also ask that they clarify that it is NOT a shower, or change it to a shower and make it a fully hosted event.
Post # 4
@cbgg and @scissorgirl thank you both for responding! I am glad to know my concerns weren’t unfounded! I plan to brainstorm with my fiancé about how we should approach the hosts with this; either offering to provide food/drinks and call it a shower or eliminate any shower wording and just have a BBQ with our nearest and dearest.
We are the only couple in our friend group to do a coed shower (or at least try to do a coed shower) so I appreciate the insight!