Cake and coffee reception then dinner?

posted 3 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
2986 posts
Sugar bee

CowboyBootsAndGlitter :  Do stick to the cake and punch reception; it is perfectly acceptable. Do dismiss any thought of “inviting” guests to join you for dinner and having them pay for it.

Post # 3
47150 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

CowboyBootsAndGlitter :  There is nothing wrong with a cake and punch reception following an early afternoon ceremony.

The general rule is to host what you can afford. Inviting guests to meet you for dinner but pay for their own meals would be an etiquette faux pas in many places.


Post # 4
2581 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

Yes, that’s rude. Host what you can afford.

Post # 5
828 posts
Busy bee

Yes, it’s rude.  A cake & punch/coffee reception is perfectly fine. I’ve been to quite a few. 

Post # 6
8724 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

CowboyBootsAndGlitter :  Yes, sorry. Echoing PPs, the cake reception is fine, but you can’t then invite them to dinner on their own dime. Don’t feel bad about the cake reception — it’s perfectlly acceptable.

Post # 8
1728 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

CowboyBootsAndGlitter :  Do your cake and punch reception.  Then pay for just your immediate families (or nearest and dearest) to join you for dinner, if you can afford it.  If not, do a romantic dinner for just the two of you. 

Post # 10
31 posts

If you want to have a dinner on a budget , why not have someone you know make something simple or make something yourself and invite them back to yours for an intimate dinner following the reception?

Post # 11
683 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

It really really depends on your crowd. I know that in the US it would in general be seen as a horrible faux pas to make anybody pay for anything themselves – but it depends on your friends and family. A very close friend of mine got married last year. Everybody brought cake for the afternoon, they didn’t even have a traditional wedding cake. Afterwards we all went to a pub, they’d paid for a finger food buffet and the first round of drinks and after that we paid our own. And nobody would have had a problem paying for food as well. I know this wouldn’t fly in just any group, but it was no problem for the couple’s family and friends.

Post # 12
11628 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Host what you can afford, but do it graciously. There is nothing wrong with an afternoon cake and appetizer reception and leaving it at that. It is very inappropriate to invite someone to your wedding reception and expect them to pay. 

Post # 13
13480 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, definitely rude to invite people to come celebrate your wedding then ask them to pay for their food/drink.  Stick with your cake and punch reception and end it there.

Post # 15
6147 posts
Bee Keeper

CowboyBootsAndGlitter :  When you invite people to celebrate your marriage with you at a restaurant or a bar or a club you are the host and on the hook for the bill.

If someone asks you what you are doing after and you respond bar-hopping, and they decide to also bar hop they can pick up their own tab. 

There is nothing wrong with a cake and punch reception. 

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