- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
I’m sorry this has happened to you. If he were to wake up tomorrow and be the man you knew before, would you be happy? Think about your willingness to live your life with someone that has the ability to do this to you, and can do it again at any time. We all go through stressful times in life, and during those times we can all act like jerks toward the ones we love, but please think very hard about marrying anyone who makes you feel this terrible.
Perhaps this is something to consider? Does he have any family history of depression? Is this the first time he has ever acted this way?
I guess this touched me because last night, my Fiance asked me if I still wanted to get married. I walked out of the room. The real answer is “Yes. 100xs, yes.” But I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
Please take care of yourself! There is no reason to stay with somebody with whom you feel as if you have to “do all the right things” to make them happy. They should love you — unconditionally — and show you always.
Abuse is abuse, and the way he is treating you certainly is not the way you deserve to be treated. Please know this, and know you deserve better!
He has a history of abuse from his alcoholic father, however I can’t even think about mentioning therapy to him because I have done it in the past and it turned out ugly.
I think he has several emotional issues but he has never given me the chance to suggest seeing someone to talk about it. He says he is strong and doesn’t need it.
I know he has been stressed out with work, a lot, but it is not that it is something new. Honestly from all the jobs he ahs had since I met him he has never had a positive word to say about any…
At @ohmybears48: thank you for being so honest about your situation. I hope you get better soon …
“He has a history of abuse from his alcoholic father, however I can’t even think about mentioning therapy to him because I have done it in the past and it turned out ugly.”
If he is not even able to acknowledge his issues, there is NO chance of things getting better. And if he isn’t even able to handle a discussion about therapy, he isn’t going to be able to handle being a husband.
You can’t fix him and theres no reason he should drag you down with him.
I have several friends with severe depression and bipolar disorder who have gone through some rough times but managed to not be cruel to their significant others! Or – will have their moments but apologize the next day or say something along the lines of “that was my depression talking – you know I dont really feel that way”.
I’m sorry, but I agree with most others here. He is emotionally abusive and it is only going to get worse. Seriously, start researching verbal and emotional abuse and I’m willing to bet it will be a real eye-opener. Once you agreed to marry him he felt he had the control over you he wanted and he is letting his true colors show. Whether he’s depressed or not, you are not doing him any favors by letting him be abusive to you. Whether you leave outright or insist on therapy, now is the time to show him that you will not let him treat you this way. He will continue to treat you this way as long as you let him.
No matter what I would get into therapy yourself- you sound like you are dealing with issues of codependency (believe me, I’ve been there!) and it can really help you see things clearly.
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