(Closed) Call Me Ignorant

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ha! I have no idea! I wondered that myself! It’s really not a good idea to spring an engagement on someone–it’s not like a suprise trip to McDonalds, it affects the rest of your life! And if it’s not a surprise that you’re going to get engaged, why bother making someone wait and wait until you think she’ll be properly surprised?

Post # 4
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Probably because really it’s the only thing that a guy can surprise his SO with?

Post # 5
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

its the last decision he gets to make on his own. men are also afraid that the woman would say no when they ask, even if the woman has made it known that they will say yes. men want it to be a special moment for the both of you and surprise helps orchestrate that.

Post # 6
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think some guys want it because of tradition and some guys want to do something really romantic.  Some guys because their partners wan tthat…

I don’t think it needs to be a surprise, though.  My fiance asked me if I wanted a proposal or not.   It wasn’t important to him either way, and I actually preferred not being surprised.  Just deciding together worked really, really well for us but it does mean people asking for the story of how we get engaged end up a little disappointed.

Post # 7
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Awww, you’re not ignorant.

Yes, partly tradition perhaps.

If I were a man, I would love that I have this “role” and totally go with it.

As a woman, I’m already thinking up ways of surprising my hubby with news that we’re pregnant (whenver God wills it – we aren’t just yet)

Post # 8
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

Because he wants it to be really romantic and because he knows the story will be told over and over and over.

Though really, it’s mean to make her wait too long.  My Boyfriend or Best Friend is making me wait right now, but we also already know we’re going to get married, and we’ve already started wedding planning (we have our first venue tour tomorrow!).

Post # 9
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i think its because he thinks alot of women want the super romantic surprise proposal so she can gush about it to all and sundry

i mean how many threads have there been here on WB where the woman is crying about how disappointed she was with her proposal and she wants a do-over


Post # 10
52 posts
Worker bee

how much fun would it be to have all of your christmas presents under the tree unwrapped?

You know that you want a christmas present, you know you’re going to get one, but not knowing what the gift is adds that element of surprise that makes it special and exciting. In the case of an engagement ring, guys want gals to have that same exciting element of surprise I suppose.

Also, this ensures that it isn’t just fun/nerve-racking/special for the girl alone. Ever planned a surprise for someone? Doesn’t it make you feel special and excited FOR THEM? My favorite part about christmas is giving other people their gifts and watching them open them and be surprised and to see their reaction. I think this is the fun in a proposal for a guy. He wants you to burst at the seems with unanticipated joy. If you know in advance your joy will be spead out over a longer period of time and the climax will be ruined.

But like I said above, mainly I think it brings the supriser a lot of joy to surprise someone else. I love surprising people, it makes them feel special.

Post # 11
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think men want the engagement to be a surprise because it’s what they’ve always dreamed their proposal to be like. He wines and dines her, takes her for a walk on the beach, gets on one need and she is shocked and crying and jumping up and down. Men have fantasies about what these things are “supposed” to be like as well. That is what a traditional, typical proposal looks like.

That said, I do not get why men insist it has to be a surprise so much. Frankly, I like being involved in life altering decisions like when I get engaged. Before my boyfriend and I really nailed down a timeline, it was horrible just having no idea when I could expect to be engaged. It felt like I had no control over my own life.

Post # 12
16195 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I’d think my Fiance wanted to see the look absolute joy on my face when he surprised me. I don’t think knowing about the proposal would take away from that joy, but I think it’s still a “moment” thing.

Post # 13
61 posts
Worker bee

Why does a bride want that ‘OMG, she’s GORGEOUS!’ look in his eye when the groom sees her in her dress?

Same thing.  He wants that same awesomeness in his moment.

Post # 14
9096 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I think I’d hate to be a guy–too much risk taking.  He is usually the one asking for dates & then the pressure to plan the “perfect” proposal, always knowing the risk that, in spite of everything, she could actually say “no.”

Poor dears.  I’m glad I’m a girl.

Post # 15
3587 posts
Sugar bee

ITA with Snobunny. My SO has said we are engaged (even though he hasn’t asked!LOL) but if I went around saying it, ppl would ask to see my ring and he feels I need a ring and story to show everyone.

@sassy411- I was thinking about this too. Sometimes I get ticked with this waiting, but then I am like I am SO glad I don’t have to support and care for a family and NEVER getting a break. It’s enormous pressure being the head of the house. I don’t know how my dad did it, but I’m sure glad he did! I guess men are raised to do it, so it’s no big deal to them though.

Post # 16
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think any of us would be happy if he just went out and bought a ring and handed it to you and said “here you go.”

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