Post # 1
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
So me and my fiancé have been together for almost 3 years now. We got engaged after dating for only a year and a half, at ages 19 and 18. I and now 21 and he is 20. Our wedding is already starting to be planned for next summer. The issue is, I don’t think either of us feel the same anymore. We are very different people, not saying that is a bad thing. now that I’m 21 I want to go out and have fun and he doesn’t want any part of that. He likes to sit at home with his family and do whatever they want to do. We had a pretty bad fight a few weeks ago and since then, things haven’t been the same. I feel trapped. I feel like were both waiting for the other to end things. The longer we wait, the more time and money is spent on the wedding that I don think he has any interest in. he never wants to talk about wedding plans. He just bought a motorcycle and it seems like he is more in love with it than he is with me. We are living at his parents house to save money, but he’s spending all his money on his bike, not the wedding. He won’t move out until we are married so I gave up everything to live together. I don’t feel like he appreciates me anymore or he has lost attraction to me. Something keeps me hanging on though. Most likely because his family is so good to me.. Better than he is to me sometimes.. His sister is having her first baby next month and I can’t imagine myself not being there for the baby. I already call her my niece. I love his family, but I’m not sure what to call our relationship anymore. I don’t want to make the wrong decision my calling off the wedding, or staying and in the end getting divorced. I really just would like some non biased opinions from people who don’t know either of us. any suggestions will help me. Thanks!
Post # 2
Member
1323 posts
Bumble bee
seems like you guys have outgrown each other.
Post # 3
Member
5277 posts
Bee Keeper
CLEbride2015: It doesn’t sound like either of you are ready, and that is perfectly okay! You should for sure call off the wedding. There is nothing that says you have to break up per se, but saying you feel “trapped” is not a good indication of the longevity of your relationship. Break ups suck…. divorce sucks even worse.
Post # 4
Member
1569 posts
Bumble bee
Call it off. You should never describe your relationship as making you feel trapped.
Post # 5
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
You can always postpone it until you figure things out. No harm in that!
Post # 6
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
Stop wasting time and money on a wedding and talk to him for crying out loud. If you can’t communicate about this now and you follow through on something you’re not even sure of, how will you ever communicate in a marriage?
Post # 7
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
Break off the engagement and break up with him. It is better to call it quits now than after more money is spent on the wedding and you two are married and have to go through a divorce.
Post # 8
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
The issues are that every time we talk about things like this it turns into a fight and honestly sometimes I feel verbally and emotionally abused. But then sometimes I feel like I’m over dramatic and stupid. But youre right, divorce sucks worse than a break up.
Post # 9
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
“every time we talk about things like this it turns into a fight and honestly sometimes I feel verbally and emotionally abused”<br /><br />
This is another reason to break up with your FI. Couples need to be able to communicate effectively and work the big things out together.
Post # 10
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
Take couples therapy and tough cam both find out what you want out of the therapy. You’ll communicate so much better too.
Of course you’re different from when you started dating, and you’ll continue to change because you’re both young. You guys just have to figure out of your values are still the same and if you both have the same goals. Best of luck.
Post # 11
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
How do I know if I’m doing the right thing?
Post # 12
Member
5277 posts
Bee Keeper
CLEbride2015: You already know it’s the right thing…
Post # 13
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
CLEbride2015: One thing to always remember: if you’re “right” for each other and compatible to be together forever, then there’s no rush to get married now – you’ll be just as right for each other when you’re 23 or 25 or 30 or 100. (Not saying to wait until you’re 100, but you get my point.) It sounds, however, like you are growing in different directions. This is fine. Doesn’t mean either of you are bad people, or that your relationship wasn’t real, or that you didn’t love each other. But it’s easier to call off a wedding than have a divorce.
Post # 14
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
rachel85: thank you! I think your answer is the best out of all of them, I just don’t want to be known as the bad guy/bitch.
Post # 15
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
At 20 years old he should be spending his money on motorcycles,,you should be going out with your friends,, this maybe an unpopular statement but you are so young to have so much pressure and responsibility,,you have your whole lives ahead of you, why settle down so young and miss out on being young. Allow yourselves to grow up,,and that does not have to mean marriage right now,,
we are old for a long time ,,enjoy being young..
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