(Closed) Call off wedding? Help!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
231 posts
Helper bee

The very best of luck to you,,I might also add that you are so close to his family, maybe you could talk to his mom so that there isnt a big blow up ,he said she said,,if you do decide to leave,,try to remain friendly with them , they sound like nice people who love you ,,it will also hurt them 

Post # 19
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

You’ve grown apart. It happens to alot of couples at your age. People change like crazy between the ages of 19 and 30. I’m 30 years old now, and when I look back at who I was at 20, I don’t even recognize myself.

It will absolutely be for the best if you break up. It’s a whole lot easier to walk away from a relationship when you’re not married than when you are. Trust me, you never, ever want to go through the agony of a divorce. And right now the way you describe your relationship, it seems that that’s exactly where you are both headed.

And when you eventually meet the man of your dreams (which you will), you will look back and realize you did the right thing. 

Post # 21
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

CLEbride2015:  The only thing i can suggest at this part is have the talk with him in a neutral location where he can’t blow up at you and keep his emotions in check. Like, at a coffee shop or at a diner or something. People are a whole lot more likely to stay calm and act normal in a public location.

Don’t feel bad. Honestly, I know you don’t want to be the bad one here (and you’re not). But please know that you are NOT alone. We’ve ALL been there. Absolutely everyone has had to go through a break up at some point. And even though it will be a bit of a tough conversation, I doubt that he will truly see you as the “bad” person. You have simply both grown apart from one another. You have every right to how you feel and you have every right to want to take your own path in life. The relationship has run its course and you have every right to explore romantic feelings with someone else. You’re not the “bad guy” at all, please don’t think that.

Post # 22
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

are you religious? does your church offer pre-marital counselling? that would be an easy, free way to work out some issues. It would also give you a safe place to talk to him about your feelings. Best of luck!

Post # 24
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

CLEbride2015:  Oh it’s no problem at all!

Post # 25
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

CLEbride2015:  I got married young, at 18. We were “childhood sweethearts” and I married him for all the wrong reasons (not realizing this at the time). We had a very tumultuous relationship that ended eight years later in heartbreak. I went through years of therapy to get back to being the same person that I was. 

My cousin on the other hand married her high school sweetheart at 21. 2 kids and 11 years later, they are still very much in love and have a fantastic relationship.

The trouble isn’t marrying young; it’s that (I think) most people are not ready to get married that young. There’s a huge element of maturity involved that most people just don’t develop until they are older (from my understanding a human brain isn’t fully developed until 25, though don’t quote me on that). 

Many people grow apart as they figure out who they are. If you’re unsure, just wait and see. Time might bring you together, or the opposite. Just don’t try to force things (especially the marriage route) if it doesn’t feel quite “right”. That is one thing you will regret. You won’t regret giving it time. 

Post # 27
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee

I would definitely at least postpone the wedding, however it sounds like you two have changed and are no longer compatible. When you marry someone, there should be no question. You are feeling a lot of doubt, which means things aren’t right. You need to take some time and figure out what is going to make you happy without having the pressure of a wedding to plan. 

Post # 28
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It sounds like what happened with me and my high school sweetheart. He proposed over AIM my freshman year at university (I was six hours away and he was worried about me cheating). I said no and that I didn’t really think I was the marrying type because I honestly couldn’t imagine being married to him. He didn’t like to read, he didn’t have the same taste in movies, I enjoyed going out with my friends while he was so scared of having a drink of alcohol that he would get shitty with me when I took a few sips of a friend’s beer. He hated the idea of travelling out of the country, unless it was to Mexico, and flat out said he wouldn’t ever move out of the gulf coast region because he didn’t want to be more than a three or four hour drive from his family. <br />The relationship should’ve been over that night that he proposed but we drug it out another two years thinking we were in love. The fighting got worse. The resentment grew. He ended up playing WoW way too much and our sex life disappeared completely. Do yourself the favor of ending it now. Or at least postpone the wedding until the two of you manage to communicate without it turning into a fight.

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