I kinda skimmed to the end, so I’m sorry if I’m just repeating what’s already been said here. I get that him not showing the follow through by picking out, and/or purchasing a symbol of their committment and egnagement is hurtful. Especially if he’s just planning on “showing up” to the wedding. I think this is a case of two people not meeting each other’s expectations or understanding what was expected in the first place.
It looks like many guys don’t understand the point of the ring – some see it as a way to make them spend a lot of money on the (greedy) woman who obesses about carat size and calrity, some see it as their chance for an awesome surprise, a cahnce to pass on a treasured heirloom, but some don’t see it as being needed at all.
The ring is the “signing of the contract” of engagement. In many, may ways, the important thing is that he asked you AND annouce it. BUT – You wouldn’t commit to buying a car or a house unless all the proper steps had been taken – why would you commit your life to someone with any less? If money was tight, if the prospective bride had expensive tastes or was hard to please, I can see how a guy can be afraid to buy a ring without any input. BUT, once input has been given, and it’s been made clear that a ring is the usual gift of engagement (with his family asking as well as others, making YOU feel awkward), he should have put something into motion and picked a CZ ring if nothing else for you to be comfortable fielding wedding quesions.
In his defense, OP, is your SO a very romantic guy? Does he know what your “dishes” are? (Mine literally ARE dishes – bleh). How does he do for holidays and birthdays when surprising you or gift giving? If he’s had problems in the past, leaving you with a frozen smile, “Gee – thanks for the vacuum – it’s just GREAT!”, this is just him being… well… him.
Maybe he doesn’t understand the symbolism of the ring, and how it makes people judge HIM badly when speaking to you, because like it or not, a ring is epected by most in a proposal – we still live IN society, even if we don’t agree with all of its rules, people will still judge us by them.
I think this might just be a cse of the “absent-minded man syndrome” and he either has a lot of anxiety about the purchase or it simply doesn’t register for him. Maybe instead of picking out a ring for just YOU, you should shop together for a set of wedding rings (with an engagement ring in the set). Heck, you could even offer to pay for his ring as part of the experience. If he does this, it should show that a marraige is in the works, not just empty words. Then, go on with planning the wedding. Maybe he can make amends by Valentines 🙂 Hope things get better.