(Closed) Called off engagement last year..Regrets

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
451 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s time to let it go. You both made your decisions. You are both in new relationships. I don’t think there is anything left there I’m sorry 

Post # 3
Member
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
confused2020 :  

i agree with the other poster. Let it go. Not only because it’s time, he’s moved on, but most importantly, to honor your new boyfriend. How would he feel if he knew you were comparing him to your ex, and reaching out to the ex? Probably not great.

Post # 4
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

It really just sounds like you need to be by yourself right now. You’re not being fair to either guy, kinda like you want your cake and eat it too. 

Post # 5
Member
13 posts
Newbee

You can’t force love. You can’t force “sparks.” It just doesn’t work that way.

Safety, security and friendship are not enough to make a marriage. He can be the best guy in the world, but if you don’t feel butterflies when you see him or when he touches you, you might as well date a rock. Been there, done that, married the “rock,” was miserable.  I, too, felt like I was never satisfied. That’s because I hadn’t yet met “the one.”

And then I did. And when I did, I instantly knew it. Twenty years later, I’m still crazy about him, still get butterflies, and the feeling is mutual. smile

You were never “in love” with this guy, and “in love” is different from just loving someone. Please don’t settle…and that’s what you’d be doing if you try and get back with him. Life is way too short, and goes much too fast for that.

Post # 6
Member
5985 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with a poster above. You need time alone. You don’t leave one serious committed relationship and then jump into another one and then regret the decisions regarding the first one unless you need time to think and focus on yourself 

Post # 7
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Agree that time alone is VITAL! I was engaged at 24, we called it off, it was the hardest year of my life getting through it, but then I spent the next few years single, exploring, loving my friends, casually dating and getting to really know myself. And it was GREAT! Wouldn’t change those years for anything!!! Now I’m 31, engaged to a wonderful guy that I met when I was 28 and proud of those “independent” years. I can even see my ex fiancé (we have mutual friends so cross paths every now and then) and have no emotional reaction to him at all. That’s a good feeling.  Take some time to yourself….time heals and perspective is everything. The things I thought were important at 24/25 are different than what I know is important now. 

Post # 8
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee

I think you need to find a boyfriend who lives in the same city you do. Relationships are completely different when you see each other constantly.

Post # 9
Member
621 posts
Busy bee

You said “I was so happy with him.” Are you referring to your current boyfriend or your ex? If you Were happy with your current boyfriend and are no longer, you should break up with him. If you were really happy with your ex and your current happiness can’t compare, you should break up with your current boyfriend.

TLDR: break up with your current boyfriend. There will be somebody else out there for you.  

Post # 10
Member
3588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

You need to be single and figure out what you really want. You’re not being fair to either guy here. Just take some to be single and then after that date locally only. 

Post # 11
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It is not fair to either your current BF to keep comparing him to your ex-FI, and also unfair to expect your ex-FI to have fought harder for someone who was not truly excited to spend the rest of her life with him.

Your ex-FI may have been a great guy with a great family, that provided you a great deal of security and comfort however I think it is important to realise that unfortunately he was not the right guy for you. 

I think you should take some time to work out what will make you happy without being in a relationship. 

 

 

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