Post # 1
I recently called off my wedding and I am a complete mess! My finace went to Vegas for his bachelor party….once he returned home, I could sense something was wrong. The next day while he was napping I heard a ringing come from his ipad….this normally doesn’t happen so I checked it out. I opened it to find text messages coming through between him and another woman. The first statement was him assuring this woman that he did not sleep with another woman in Vegas. She responded that she believed him and that she loved him soo much and was upset to see him with someone else. She knew he was engaged because she also told him Congrats on the wedding and that she would see him soon because she would be in our city in a couple weeks (come to find out she used to live in our city, then moved out of state).
I was extremely upset but I didn’t want to jump to any conclusions, so I didn’t bring it up (that was hard!!) The next day, he went to work so I went to check ipad again…it was gone. As I layed my son down (we have have 2 children together and have been together for 10 years) I heard the ringing again and realized that he tried to hide it. I opened up the messages again and to my surprise…..the floodgates opened! She was talking about money and giving him thousands of dollars from another man and told him what’s hers is also his…and then more devastating…she asked what he was thinking about when they were making love…..he responded “you already know lol” and my heart sank. She continued on with vulgar sexual comments, sent a picture of herself and talked about how she can’t stop thinking about him and that she wants to always stay in contact. He responded that they would definitely….I called my mother to come pick me and the kids up and I left.
I even called this girl to see what was going on and she was trying to cover everything up…her story was lame and didn’t make any sense. I then went to confront him and he denied even seeing or talking to this girl for years. I told him I already spoke to her and to prove me wrong by showing me his phone…He refused and so I left. I told him the wedding was off. Since then he has claimed that yes she was there, but he didn’t do anything then….actually he slept with her 2 years ago…and just so happened to run into her in Vegas, but there was nothing going on. He admits he would have taken money from her because come to find out….she had already given him 30,000 in the past! He said he doesn’t love her he loves me and that she was just trying to ruin our relationship. He says I’m making a big mistake because he didn’t do anything in Vegas, that his past just caught up to him, and that his only mistake was to allow her to communicate with him.
Past info on our relationship is that this is not the first time he has lied and cheated on me. For our family’s sake, I have always forgiven him and taken him back to work on our relationship. Before he proposed, I almost left him for flying down to Dallas with another woman on Mother’s Day 🙁 I know that there has been a lot in our relationship, but I have always tried to save “us” and work on our relationship because when I am with him, he is good to me. Although, for the last year I have had to pay the mortgage and all the bills because he doesn’t make as much money as I do.
As I write this, I understand how naive and stupid I sound…but I am still an emotional wreck because I feel like my world has completely turned upside down…and I hate that this has been so public. I go back and forth between feel strong and leaving him, and full of weakness and regret, as I feel that I handled the situation wrong and that perhaps I should have worked things out without pulling people into our relationship. He won’t leave the house so I have to pack up the kids and move somewhere completley new and start over. I am scared and feel that although I have tremendous support from my mother and friends, that maybe I am making a mistake and will be miserable for the rest of my life.
I need help! Thanks for reading.
Post # 3
@golda3: You definitely made the right decision. I’m so sorry that you are going through this, but thankful that you found out right before the wedding. I honestly don’t think either of them could be trusted. He says she was trying to ruin your relationship, but he is the one who also slept with her 2 years ago. He had to REASSURE HER that he didn’t sleep with anyone in Vegas. They’re also still communicating. Definitely is not worth your time. You deserve so much better. So good for you to stand your ground and be strong. Please remember we’re always here for you.
Post # 4
Wow that is awful. That’s not how you treat someone you love. You deserve so much better, and if you treat yourself like you do, you will find it. Good for you for leaving. Stay strong!
Post # 5
You definitely did the right thing! Thankfully this came to light before the wedding rather than after. He was doing things behind your back & trying to hide it from you. Things would only get worse after the wedding. I don’t blame you for being an emotional wreck.. and I think most people in your situation would be totally upset. It sounds like you’re a lot stronger than you realize *hugs*
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Ick! That whole situation with the other woman is just messed up. Be glad you figured it out before an easy separation turned into a messy divorce. I feel bad that you and your children will have to deal with the consequences of his mistake(s).
Post # 7
After reading all that, you 100% made the right decision. I’m so sorry that you and your children have to go through this. Best of luck.
Post # 8
You are definitley making the right decision!
Whose name is the house in? If you have been paying the mortgage, you should get to stay with the kids and he should leave. Can you take legal action? He sounds like a jerk and a deceitful one at that. Be glad you got out before you are legally bound to him or you found out ten years from now and the kids would be more hurt.
Post # 9
I wish I could give you a hug 🙁
For what it’s worth I think you did what’s right for you and your children. You deserve so much better than this. You deserve someone who treats you right and doesn’t go behind your back.
Even if it was 2 years ago you said you’ve been together for 10 years? Having already been with you for 8 years that shows a complete lack of respect towards you and your children.
Post # 10
what a pathetic excuse of a man, you are well rid of him! You really are better off without a scum bag like that. Shame on him
Post # 11
Also I have no idea how this works but does your state recognize common law marriage after being together so many years? THat may also be something worth looking into regarding the house.
Post # 12
I cry as I read your responses….thank you. As far as the house and our truck, they are in both of our names, but he says that he doesn’t have anywhere to go (not enough money & bad credit) and that it would be easier for me to find a place. I thought about legal action, but I don’t want to make matters worse than they are…plus that would be more expensive right?
Post # 13
He is a dirty little liar. You made the right decision.
Post # 14
My heart aches for you, I’m so sorry! Better now than dealing with a messy divorce. You made the right decision. *hugs*
Post # 15
You, without a doubt, made the right choice!
I am so sorry you are dealing with this!
Post # 16
Stay strong if not for you than for thekids!
Its not ok for them to see a disfunctional relationship and dont ever think youll be miserable for the rest of your life, although it takes time to heal it all depends on you to be happy. If you want to stay miserable you will.
Youve already took the right steps by leaving and like pecanpie said “It sounds like you’re a lot stronger than you realize *hugs*”