(Closed) Called off my Wedding 3 weeks away :( Did I make the right decision?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 77
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Keep your head up & stay strong.  Every day will get better, and is one more step in the right direction.  When you feel weak, look at your kids, and know you are doing the right thing- for you AND for them.  It is better that you found out now, and can move on.

I would go back to the house, like the rest of the ladies said.  It will be hard enough for your kids, with the separation of their parents.  They don’t need to move on top of it.  I would go back when he isn’t there, and have the locks changed.  You could get a temporary order of protection and talk to family court. 

He sounds selfish, disrespectful, and pathetic.  You deserve better.  Good luck with everything!

 

Post # 78
Member
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Ugh, he should be the one leaving, not you!! He effed up, he needs to now go and figure out wth he is going to do. YOU shouldn’t need to go out of your way to figure out what you and the kids are going to do. What a POS. I’m sorry…yes you made the right choice by leaving. The texts in the ipad say it all…there’s really no explaining/justifying that.

Post # 79
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I just wanted to echo previous posters that you absolutely did make the right decision! Marrying this man would lead to a life time of heart break or divorce later on, and you deserve better than that!

Also I get what you are saying with the house and starting fresh, but if that’s what you want, then sort the house out properly, and move on with the money that you are entitled to out of it! Don’t make yourself and kids suffer financially just because he is a lying scum and a leacher and it’s easier to not deal with him. Deal with him once and for all and then move on with no strings attached! If you can’t afford a lawyer, maybe there is some sort of legal aid in your area that you could access?

Post # 80
Member
2852 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You’ve definitely made the right decision! You might have been working really hard to keep the relationship together, but how much work was he doing?

Good luck with starting fresh hon…..I know it’s not easy. Take strength and motivation from your children, who will learn that their mom is strong, independant, tough, and proud. XOXOX

ETA: And what kind of selfish piece of sh!t would rather see his kids out on the street with no “home” to call their own, than to have to sleep on a friend’s couch for a while? GOOD RIDDANCE! But go back to the house and make a stand! It’s YOURS! Fight for it! If need be, file paperwork for primary custody of the kids right away stating the family home as your domicile, and give him 30 days to pack his sh!t and get out.
And your idea about giving your venue to someone in need……just wow. Even in the worst time of your life (I’m assuming) you are thinking about others. He REALLY doesn’t deserve you!

Post # 81
Member
233 posts
Helper bee

You did the right thing – for you and the kids! I know it’s hard, but he doesn’t deserve you!! Move on.  That lying piece of crap doesn’t deserve on more of your thoughts or another tear!  You’ll find someone who loves you and respects  you enough to be honest and faithful! So sorry, girl!  Keep your head up! You deserve better!!!!

Post # 82
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Kick him to the curb perminently.  If I cheated on my Fiance once I would expect her to… twice? I give second chances if I believe someone, but I never give them a third.

Sell the house and truck.  You should not leave and if you make him do you think he’ll still pay towards the house?  Unless you can afford it on your own, time to sell.

Post # 83
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
@Bonham:  +1!

 

If you don’t want the house, then sell it! But don’t leave it to him to ruin your name. 

 

Oh man I wish i cold give you some hugs right now. I’m so sorry you’ve had to go all this (and more from the sounds of it!)  Don’t doubt yourself. You’ve made the right choice for you and your children.  

Also, i think a giant party for either yourself or for women in need is a fantastic idea. It’ll make you feel good, and give you that fresh start you’re looking for. 

Post # 84
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am so sorry to hear that, I am glad you have tons of support on the hive.  You definitely don’t need him, and I hope you can find someone better.  I wouldn’t keep putting yourself through that, especially if it isn’t the first time.  Sucks that you have kids together though ๐Ÿ™

Post # 85
Member
1413 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Wow,

 

I admire you for leaving, but I’m afraid that you’ll go back. What’s different this time with the cheating that makes it worse than before? I mean how do you know this is your real breaking point and you won’t take him back?

 

To truly be done, there can’t be anything that he can do to make you go back, and that means even two years from now. Since you’ve been with him for 10 yrs, I just worry that he’ll talk you back into this.

I’m not trying to be cynical, just realistic. I see him as a liar and a cheater, who is also a womanizer and thinks he can psyche you into anything. He’s extremely selfish, obviously to live off you and this other woman–and lie about his finances when he has two children.

The fact that he has at least two children means he needs to be out there working for the family, not being a gigilo, running off for vacations in Vegas. 

Selfish and spoiled man, who’ll no doubt land on his feet without your help because he’ll simply find someone to use. He’s not gonna change. So I really hope you don’t get sucked back in.

Yeah, and get the child support, and get your name off that house and car. or get his name off, whichever is easier and more beneficial for YOU, not him.

Post # 86
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - Rock Hill Country Club, Manorville NY

@golda3:  I normally don’t like to encourage bees to leave their SO, but you definitely made the right choice. The bright side is that you got 2 wonderful children from this man. Take this time to spend time with your family and feel good about the decision you’ve made.

Post # 87
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

You absolutely did the right thing! I can only imagine how much it hurts right now. But because you chose to leave him, you’re gonna meet a guy that treats you like a queen and once you find the right person who will love you and be faithful to you, you will be so thankful that you left this man behind in order to live a happy life. If you never left this guy, do you really think the cheating would end? You would be miserable and never able to forgive him. Leaving him means you find enough value in yourself and in your kids to get away from someone who doesnt deserve your love. Stay strong, it hurts now but one day it will all be worth it!

Post # 88
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

You made not only the smart decision, but a brave one. 

Ya know, ppl will say that hes an a**hole, d**k, cheater…whatever you want to call it…but that doesnt make it suck any less. You had a lot of history with this man. He was your fiance and is the father of your children. 

The bottom line is …and im sorry to say, that trust is gone. There was a reason why you had an incling to look at his iPad and its because he gave you a reason not to trust him before.

This is no way to live. If you made the choice to stay with him, you woukd have taken a huge gamble. To be in a serious relationship with someone is a very scary thing for you are trusting them with your heart…you are giving it to them and trusting they wont break it. 

You WILL find someone who will treat your heart better…I promise Smile

Stay strong and spkeep sticking by your loving friends and family, you are doing the right thing.

Post # 90
Member
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

Though I disagree with you leaving instead of him, I say kudos to you for walking away from this relationship. You need to stay strong and walk away. And for him to say that you’re throwing away the last 10 years, BS. HE threw away the last 10 years. HE is the one who cheated on you. HE is the one who has the most to lose here, and you need to stay strong.

Post # 91
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

View original reply
@golda3:  thats an amazing thought!!!  I would have never thought of it, you should use the venue for good! you have paid so why not ๐Ÿ™‚

I think its great that you have decided to end things, what a CREEP!!!! Have a fresh new start and an amazing party whatever you decide to do with the venue I think its great!

Yay for moving on and being so stong!

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