Called off my wedding. Cant cope!

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
337 posts
Helper bee

This is a lot for you to process bee! Have you tried talking to someone about how you feel? I think your feelings are completely normal but regardless it’s better to find someone who can help so you don’t continue to feel this way and can hopefully work through it.

In regards to your relationship, it didn’t sound like it was the best thing for you. He cheated on his previous fiancé, he basically cheated on you. It sounds like leaving him and calling off your wedding was the right choice. Now you need to give yourself enough time to heal and get back on your feet. Do you have family/ friends around you who are supporting you? 

Post # 4
573 posts
Busy bee

I wish I had your strength before I married my first husband. I think it sounds like it may not be able to be repaired. Love should not be this difficult!

Post # 5
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

cut your losses and move on, someone who cheats on their fiance isnt going to change suddenly for someone else, whether you were the other women or not. Take a year to yourself, no men, no dating just focus on you. And after a year if you feel like he needs to be apart of your life, then re evaluate what you want to do. 

i was engaged twice to the same person, ended up married and have a kid. But way back then after the first engagement, i knew in my gut i needed to walk. It wasnt easy, it took two years to re evaluate myself and my wants and needs. And somehow it all worked out again with the same guy. 

now im not saying you should get back together with him, but a long break to focus on just you, will do you wonders. 

Post # 6
3433 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I’m so sorry you are struggling. I really suggest you find some counseling to help you through this. I had counseling after a bad breakup and it really helped.

This sounds like you made the right decision. You knew that marrying him didn’t feel right so you broke it off. Good for you for having the nerve to do this!! I know it is hard now, but with counseling, this will get better. 

Post # 7
735 posts
Busy bee

I don’t believe in “signs” and all that woo but I do believe in looking at a situation objectively and seeing DISASTER written all over it. 

Feel bad?!! You should throw yourself a goddamn CELEBRATION for dodging this bullet. Then get into therapy to figure out why you attached yourself to this POS.

Seriously…please don’t take this trash back and thank your lucky stars, signs, god or whatever you wish to believe in for calling off the wedding. 

Post # 8
1780 posts
Buzzing bee

I think you are going through a lot right now due to loneliness and having to give up the last five years of your life and memories with your ex.  I can understand that – I’ve been there. But you did not have a good life with him – you worried and had constant doubts.  You said you always felt there was something not right in your relationship. Your gut instinct was telling you not to marry this man or you would be unhappy.  You did the right thing by walking away.  Yes, it is very hard and yes, you will face criticism and disappointment from family and friends.  But this is not their life, it’s yours.  You should get to live it with someone who makes you immensely happy and you never have to second guess your relationship with that person.  The fact that you called off your wedding twice is a big sign that it was not meant to be.  I hope you feel better soon – it may feel like the end of the world, but it is not.  There is still plenty of time to find the one.  Take time to heal first.

Post # 9
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

The “sign” you were looking for was when he cheated on you… Multiple times… Please learn from this and figure out what you need from yourself to make better choices and set better standards in the future. 

Post # 10
1265 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
Ka1 :  You trusted your gut, and I think that’s the best thing you could have done in this situation. 

It takes a long time to get over a long term relationship and mourn all the plans and expectations you had of a life together. Feeling sad, depressed, and/or longely is not a sign you did the wrong thing, it’s just part of the journey.

I’m sorry your family aren’t more supportive. That must be hard. Try to remember that you don’t need anyone else to validate your decisions and feelings in order for them to be right for you. 

Hang in there, bee! You’re on the right path and I have no doubt that in time you will look back on this as one of the bravest and best decisions you ever made. You’re taking charge of your future, and it’s gonna be great.

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