Post # 1
I called off my wedding 4 weeks before it was due. I have been with my ex partner for nearly 5 years. After first year together (we lived in separate cities and he used to visit me) he told me that he had a fiancee and he lives with her. I was heartbroken and broke up with him for few months. He begged me to come back and I eventually did. We had ups and downs, I broke up with him one more time a year after because I found out that he has been texting other girls. He then begged me and promised he will never do it again. Then again I forgave him and we got back together after few months.
We were okay for few years but I always had a feeling that something is not right in our relationship. I couldnt really put a finger on it. We bought a house and a dog. We were very happy with a dog, he was like our baby. We were doing everything for him. He had lots of health issues though. We got engaged and planned a wedding. I was the only one doing it but I wasnt very excited about it. My ex fiance didnt seem to be too excited too but he agreed to marry me in the country I am from. That was very brave of him as he doesnt speak the language and was about to marry in front of other people which he doesnt know. He is quite shy person.
Everything was fine until around 5 weeks before the wedding. We started having more fights and communication issues.
I started having doubts about our relationship. We have recently opened business and it didnt do well at all. My ex was very stressed and I was too. Money was an issue and it was going down very quick. One evening I called my fiance and said that I want to call off the wedding. I felt like we lost our way and drifted apart. I though about it after, apologised and said that I didn’t mean it. Week after that, I was constantly thinking if i should marry him. I had doubts. I asked God to give me a sign that I should not do it- my dog died 2 days later!!! The dog I loved the most in the world. I was devastated. I though to myslef that it has to be a sign from God.
I started feeling very weird. 3 nights I couldnt sleep, literally not even a minute I was able to keep my eyes closed. I was very anxious and it felt like I had a heavy weight on my chest. I was constantly debating if I should marry him. On the third night my ex sleptalked and said “someone said DONT DO THAT”. I froze. I started shaking. I was thinking, is it another sign?
Next day I couldnt take it any longer, wrote a letter to my ex fiance where I said how I feel. I have destroyed it though. I spoke to him later and said to my that I dont want wedding. He was shocked and wanted me to change my mind. I didnt want to listen. After that conversation I felt like weight of my chest was gone. I broke up everything and called off wedding. I felt great until the day which our wedding was mean to take place. Since that day I struggle with depression, I constantly blame myslef, feel guilty and ashamed. I disappointed my family, friends and my ex fiance.
We tried ferrying back together but somehow I couldnt do it. I felt like there is some kind of a wall I cant climb to be with him again. Very strange. He tried for nearly 2 months to get me back. Twice I said yes and the changed my mind. I couldnt get my head around things. I was so lost and confused.
Lately I started missing him and wanted him back. He said it’s too late and I feel terrible. I feel like I am crazy and lost my chance for marriage and good life. I am 31. <!–/data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_191019_072230_962.sdoc–>
Post # 2
This is a lot for you to process bee! Have you tried talking to someone about how you feel? I think your feelings are completely normal but regardless it’s better to find someone who can help so you don’t continue to feel this way and can hopefully work through it.
In regards to your relationship, it didn’t sound like it was the best thing for you. He cheated on his previous fiancé, he basically cheated on you. It sounds like leaving him and calling off your wedding was the right choice. Now you need to give yourself enough time to heal and get back on your feet. Do you have family/ friends around you who are supporting you?
Post # 3
thank you for your reply. I have fot friends, my family lives far away and do not agree with my decision as they really liked my ex. I just feel so lost.
Post # 4
I wish I had your strength before I married my first husband. I think it sounds like it may not be able to be repaired. Love should not be this difficult!
Post # 5
cut your losses and move on, someone who cheats on their fiance isnt going to change suddenly for someone else, whether you were the other women or not. Take a year to yourself, no men, no dating just focus on you. And after a year if you feel like he needs to be apart of your life, then re evaluate what you want to do.
i was engaged twice to the same person, ended up married and have a kid. But way back then after the first engagement, i knew in my gut i needed to walk. It wasnt easy, it took two years to re evaluate myself and my wants and needs. And somehow it all worked out again with the same guy.
now im not saying you should get back together with him, but a long break to focus on just you, will do you wonders.
Post # 6
I’m so sorry you are struggling. I really suggest you find some counseling to help you through this. I had counseling after a bad breakup and it really helped.
This sounds like you made the right decision. You knew that marrying him didn’t feel right so you broke it off. Good for you for having the nerve to do this!! I know it is hard now, but with counseling, this will get better.
Post # 7
I don’t believe in “signs” and all that woo but I do believe in looking at a situation objectively and seeing DISASTER written all over it.
Feel bad?!! You should throw yourself a goddamn CELEBRATION for dodging this bullet. Then get into therapy to figure out why you attached yourself to this POS.
Seriously…please don’t take this trash back and thank your lucky stars, signs, god or whatever you wish to believe in for calling off the wedding.
Post # 8
I think you are going through a lot right now due to loneliness and having to give up the last five years of your life and memories with your ex. I can understand that – I’ve been there. But you did not have a good life with him – you worried and had constant doubts. You said you always felt there was something not right in your relationship. Your gut instinct was telling you not to marry this man or you would be unhappy. You did the right thing by walking away. Yes, it is very hard and yes, you will face criticism and disappointment from family and friends. But this is not their life, it’s yours. You should get to live it with someone who makes you immensely happy and you never have to second guess your relationship with that person. The fact that you called off your wedding twice is a big sign that it was not meant to be. I hope you feel better soon – it may feel like the end of the world, but it is not. There is still plenty of time to find the one. Take time to heal first.
Post # 9
The “sign” you were looking for was when he cheated on you… Multiple times… Please learn from this and figure out what you need from yourself to make better choices and set better standards in the future.
Post # 10
You trusted your gut, and I think that’s the best thing you could have done in this situation.
It takes a long time to get over a long term relationship and mourn all the plans and expectations you had of a life together. Feeling sad, depressed, and/or longely is not a sign you did the wrong thing, it’s just part of the journey.
I’m sorry your family aren’t more supportive. That must be hard. Try to remember that you don’t need anyone else to validate your decisions and feelings in order for them to be right for you.
Hang in there, bee! You’re on the right path and I have no doubt that in time you will look back on this as one of the bravest and best decisions you ever made. You’re taking charge of your future, and it’s gonna be great.