(Closed) Called off my wedding…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

Darling Husband and I didn’t have quite as extreme a timeline as you did, but we did date seriously, break up, and then get back together.  We dated for two years at the end of high school and the beginning of college.  We were young, but we planned on getting married one day.  We were very, very serious.

After our first semester of college, Darling Husband broke up with me.  He said he still loved me, but he didn’t think we were growing up like we needed to.  I was completely heartbroken, and the year after our breakup was one of the darker periods of my life. We didn’t even talk to each other for two and a half years, and it was another two years after that before we agreed to meet.

Like you, the sparks flew with us once again.  My parents knew I was planning to see him again, and they were really concerned when I saw them a few days later.  Even though I hadn’t seen them in over a year (I had been living abroad and was just in the US to visit), the thing they asked me about first was how my meeting with my now Darling Husband went.  They expected me to be heartbroken all over again.  They didn’t dislike Darling Husband, but they didn’t approve of him because of how much pain he had already put me through.

A few months later, Darling Husband and I started officially dating.  My parents were still concerned.  I think what finally changed their minds was that Darling Husband emailed them (he couldn’t do it in person because he lived on the other side of the country) to apologize for what he put me through and to state his new intentions regarding me.  He told them why he broke up with me the first time and why he thought it could work this time around.  I think my parents really respected him for acknowledging all the pain he had caused and then saying why he didn’t think it would happen again.

Almost three years later, Darling Husband and I are now happily married, and my family loves him.

 

Your BF’s family has every reason to be wary of you.  There was probably a lot of money wasted on the wedding that wasn’t, and I’m sure the pain was awful.  You can’t change that.  I think your best bet is to acknowledge all that and apologize.  Hopefully, after you do that, they might be willing to trust you again.

Post # 4
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My sister and BIL’s relationship was really similar to this, and they’re back together and have been happily married for three years now as well. It can work! 

Post # 5
Member
9205 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I almost broke up with my Fiance, or him with me, a long time ago when I was living abroad and there was another person involved (we had kind of an open relationship at the time).  I later realized what a terrible idea it was and luckily he was able to forgive me for spending time with this other person. 

Every time I think about it, I am POSITIVE that losing him would have been the biggest mistake of my life and I’m so grateful that we were able to move past it.  Do you feel the same way?  If so, I think this kind of thing can be a big learning experience.  If you can convince him, then you can convince his family together.  If not, if you still have tiny lingering doubts, I’d spare the guy and move on.

Post # 6
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think this can work, but you will need work harder to regain his trust before he can fully commit to you and the relationship. His family may never come around and that’s okay, but you do need to appreciate his concerns and try to alleviate them.

Post # 7
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I also think it work. I will say it’s important that you don’t rush thing, and you realize that you guys are in a different relationship now and he might not be ready to married. The fact that he even dating you after that big disappoint I think speaks to how strong the his love is.

 

My situation wasn’t as extreme, but I might my Fi shortly after a breakup with my ex whom I been with for five years. We got very close and were dating and spent almost every day together for over four months. When my ex came back with a ring, I was confused, put under pressure on all sides. I end up breaking up with Fi even thoug hwe weren’t offically dating.

To say he pissed at me is an understatement, and even thogh I gave the ring back a few weeks later, and didn’t do anything(sexual) with my ex, he didn’t take me back, and didn’t speak to me for over a year. Out of the blue he called me.

The only member of his family I knew and met through was his Brother. We were friends for months before I even met Fi, and to say he was very cold and distrustful of me. I cleared the air with him, told him I was human and made mistakes. I think he thawed and hopefully one day we can be friends again.

My advice is to be upfront about your mistakes, about the very serious and I think right reasons you called off the wedding. Then be polite firm and don’t allow yourself to mistreated or turned into a doormat. Your behavior hopefully will eventually win him an his family over. They probably won’t forget, but hopefully the forgive.

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