(Closed) Calling African American Brides (or not). Did you have a black wedding planner?

posted 6 years ago in African-American
  • poll: Did you have a black wedding planner?

    Yes...and on purpose too!

    Yes....but I didn't even think about it till now.

    No...but I didn't even consider it till you asked.

    No...they (black planners) were no where to be found when I was looking for one.

    Other

  • Post # 31
    Member
    288 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

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    MrsHistory-Bee:  I am black Michael (fiancé) is white. When we first got engaged, we hired a woman a close friend recommended. She was black and started our very well. She was aware that we are getting married November 2016, so we knew we were not high on her list of priorities. A few weeks ago, she emailed us and requested a meeting to go over our budget, guest list and possible venues. She scheduled the meeting for 3p this past Saturday. Michael used some of his vacation time to make the meeting and we went to her office. We arrived at 2:30 and also brought her a beverage and sweet treat from Starbucks. Not only was she not there, but her office was dark and locked. I called her cell left several messages that were returned Monday afternoon. No apology or explanation. I met her for lunch (she was late again) yesterday and let her know that we are going to start looking for another planner. Only then did she provide an explanation, but it’s too little too late. I have appointments with 4 other planners (Asian, Hispanic, Black and White) starting next month. I’ll let you know how it goes.

    Post # 32
    Member
    1678 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

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    MrsHistory-Bee:  i am a white woman and had a black wedding planner/coordinator. she was AWESOME! (she’s also a very dear friend of mine) 🙂

    Post # 33
    Member
    2091 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I answered “Other” because I did not have a wedding planner; I planned my own wedding. But I am a multi-ethnic African American, so yes?! None of my other vendors were AA. The problem is that when I went to search for affordable venues, photographers, videographers, and officiants in my area (I looked all around Southern, NJ) there were pretty much none. I saw one AA couple who were officiants, but they never responded to my email… So, yeah… I would love to help the AA community, but there are not many who run businesses in my area. I am in college. I read a comment regarding small businesses, and it said something like this “when AAs move, AA say that they need to first look for a job. Why not move and open a business? I have, and I always look to their communities first for a place to open it.” That is true of where I am currently, and where I resided in the past. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    11 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I am a bI racial woman (Hispanic and caucasian) marrying an African American man. I did not specifically set out looking for an African American wedding planner, however I wanted someone who knew about fraternities, house music (finances must have), seamstress, and more importantly someone that I connected it. Lucky for me, our photographer (who is a friend of my fiancé for over 15 years wife is a planner). i did not know her and was getting frustrated in the interview process of planners that I was going to do my wedding without a planner. When we went to meet with the photographer to go,over our contract, pictures, etc. his wife was there. Her and I hit it off and I immedialty started interviewing her on the spot. Not only is she everything I wanted, she thinks about things I didn’t even consider (jumping the broom, garter of his fraternity fot his keepsake, and most importantly I dont have to hunt her down to take care of items). I am glad that I have a planners who considers my finances culture/traditions when planning our wedding

    Post # 35
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

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    LoveAndHappiness:  

    My husband is also white. I enjoy meeting other black women who are with white men. 

    Post # 36
    Member
    2449 posts
    Buzzing bee

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    MrsHistory-Bee:  I’m white, but I’m an immigrant from a specific ethnicity and culture that isn’t all that well known in the US. I don’t think I’d look for a planner to be from my cultural background, because I doubt there would be enough to choose from, but I can see how that could make the planning process slightly easier. Since I know I’m not going to find someone from my culture to help me, it doesn’t matter what culture the planner is associated with as I’ll probably have to do the same amount of explaining of certain elements. 

    I’m sure any good planner could carry out a vision from any culture, though. There might be some explaining involved, but I would hope that the planners would do their jobs and make their clients’ visions come to life as they had imagined them.

    Post # 37
    Member
    288 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

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    amiona:  So do I. Especially when I don’t see it as often the other way around.

    Post # 38
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

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    LoveAndHappiness:  

    Right?! My husband and I get so many stares and comments. 

    We deal with it by kissing each other or waving at the rude idiots who gape at us. 

    I think that other black women who give me a hard time about marrying a white man are just jealous. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    288 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

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    amiona:  Yeah, we get the same thing. We kiss as well. However, I add a butt grab and act like we don’t know we’re being stared at. When we first started dating, a group of black women cornered me in the ladies room and asked me, “Why you with the white boy?” I responded by letting them know, “First, he’s not a boy. Second, I choose who I date and I don’t have to explain it to anyone.” I then left them standing there. Another time, he came to my building to have lunch. Some black guys who work in my building saw us together. Mind you, I’ve worked in this building for 8 years. In that time, these guys have gone out of their way to avoid eye contact with me and all of them routinely date non-black women. They saw me a few days later and for the first time in 8 years, they voiced their displeasure. I reminded them they don’t even date black women. One had the nerve to say, “I’ll date them, but I plan to marry a black woman.” I then asked him, How are you going to marry a black woman if you won’t date one? To date, they have not spoken to me. Good riddance.

    Post # 40
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

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    LoveAndHappiness:  

    My mom told me that the black women who give me a hard time are probably being mistreated by black men, so it hurts them to see a black woman who dared to take another path. 

    I dated black men in the past but none of them treated me well. I’m sure that there are good black men out there…I just never had the pleasure of dating one. 

    I’m going to send you a PM. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    288 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

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    amiona:  Okay. I also dated black men in the past. I wasn’t mistreated, however, I was repeatedly disrepected. The ones I chose for whatever reason, could not be honest or committed. I started dating non-black men 20 years ago, but continued to date black men up until I turned 35. Derrick was the last black man I dated. No offense to all black men, but most just don’t love themselves enough to date a black woman.

    Post # 42
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

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    LoveAndHappiness:  

    I think that many black men know that most black women would never put up with the shit they do, so they pick women who aren’t as likely to stand up for themselves. 

    I could write a book about the disrespect and dishonesty that I have been exposed to from black men. In my experience, black men are also terrible lovers. The ones I slept with knew nothing about romance or foreplay. 

    I’m sure that some Bees will jump down our throats about what we are saying here….but we are only talking about our personal experiences. I stopped dating black men when I was 25 and it was the smartest choice I ever made. 

    Post # 43
    Member
    7 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Hi Bees!

    I am an AA florist and I work with several AA planners/coordinators in my area. I can share that the problem for many of people that I work with is that in attempt to keep our services affordable, many of us are not able to advertise/market on some of the more expensive sites (theknot, weddingwire, etc) and we tend to not own retail/storefront businesses. So brides don’t know how to find us.

    As AA Brides, where/how do you learn of or search for AA vendors?

    Post # 44
    Member
    108 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

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    MrsHistory-Bee:  I do not have a black planner although I did look for one I kinda came across the same type women from various church’s that lets just say did not share my vision. I also looked into some black-owned businesses and discovered that even though they saw my vision I could not even begin to afford them. 

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