Calling ALL Brides who waited!! Please help!

posted 2 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 2
Member
2670 posts
Sugar bee

I’m not your target audience here because I’m not a proponant of waiting before marriage, but I’ve always been a little confused about how having vaginal penetrative sex is the only thing that counts as a sin before marriage. There are a lot more intimate and scandalous versions of sex than your traditional missionary position.. It seems to me like if you’re already doing everything else, you’re kinda already having sex. 

(Again, I’m not religious or against sex before marriage so I’m sure there are all kinds of layers of things I’m missing, but that’s my two cents from an outsider’s perspective)

Post # 3
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

It seems to me it would be easier to abstain from all sexual contact.  If waiting is important to your values stop torturing yourselves.  Maybe have a talk with your SO and reassess how important this is.  Maybe counseling for both of you?  If your going to do everything else, what is the value in saving intercourse for the wedding night?   You’ll only be with each other and that’s special. How does he feel?

Post # 4
Member
167 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

We waited until marriage. We held off on anything that involved removal of clothing, so while the tempatation was absolutely still there, it was probably different from yours because we werent as close to penetration. It was absolutely worth it to save ourselves, knowing that when we finally were together, we were married, made those promises to each other, and fully commited in our own eyes and in God’s eyes. In your case, you have gone much further than we did, so I cannot speak to the reasoning you have for waiting for intercourse, but if it is what you believe is right, then I encourage you to stick to your beliefs and stay strong for these last moments. I think that practicing self control as a couple is actually a really great bonding experience to prepare you for marriage.

You obviously agreed as a couple that you had a reason to wait. Don’t let the comments of people here who have NO experience in your situation tell you to drop your belief system. 

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
586 posts
Busy bee

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wolfeyes :  When the OP says “everything else,” I don’t think she means other sex positions besides missionary. She probably means kissing and touching, but not penetrative sex of any kind. I don’t think making out with all your clothes on counts as having sex. I’m assuming the OP is Christian; my knowledge of Christian belief is limited, but it’s my understanding that the church prohibits sex before marriage. It doesn’t prohibit kissing or all kinds of intimate touching. They draw the line at penetrative sex, so that is where the OP has chosen to draw the line. Nothing wrong with that, IMO.

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springtimewedding1987 :  I don’t have any advice about waiting for marriage, although I did wait longer than most people. I never had any plans to wait until I was married, I just didn’t feel ready for sex until I was older, so I had a few long-term relationships where I never had sex with the guy. In my case, waiting wasn’t that hard since I didn’t feel ready anyway. Your case is different, since you clearly do feel ready, but if you’re both virgins, just make sure your guy understands how to make it enjoyable for your first time. Sometimes inexperienced men think it’s normal for sex to be painful the first time and they just plow ahead while their lady suffers in silence, but it doesn’t have to hurt! Make sure he knows to go very slow with you to minimize any discomfort. And congrats on your engagement!

Post # 6
Member
2620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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cypresstree85 :  I dont think wolfeyes was saying OP has had sex in every position but missionary, when OP said “everything else” it sounds like shes talking about oral sex, not just kissing and light touching. 

And isn’t oral sex, sex?

 

Post # 7
Member
2670 posts
Sugar bee

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futuremrs2020 :  
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cypresstree85 :  
Yep I was talking about oral and anal.  I’ve read a lot recently about young Christians (especially in Southern US) preserving their virginity by ‘only’ doing anal & oral, so that’s what I assumed she meant by everything else. If she only meant fully clothed fooling around my comment doesn’t apply! 

 

Post # 8
Member
2658 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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wolfeyes :  LOL I like to think of this form of “waiting” as “but” sex… doing everything BUT having p—>v sex 

Post # 9
Member
586 posts
Busy bee

Some people might say oral sex is the same as any other kind of sex, though I think that’s a bit of a stretch. I certainly wouldn’t say you’ve lost your virginity if you’ve only done oral. And I seriously doubt the OP has done anal, though I could be wrong on that assumption. I just can’t imagine anyone being ready for anal sex before they’re ready for vaginal sex. Since the OP says she’s struggling to control temptation, I got the impression that she and her FH haven’t gone very far.

If you want a good laugh, check out “The Loophole” by Garfunkel & Oates. Devout Catholics might not find it amusing, but hey, you can’t please everyone.

Post # 10
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

When I was in college I encountered not one, but two, virgin guys who were “waiting until marriage” and both tried to pressure me into anal. So, it happens.  

Post # 11
Member
1217 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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Lavender28 :  A friend of mine was dating a girl who was waiting for marriage but anal was ok. How is anal not sex? To me that’s higher up the sex scale than regular sex.

Post # 12
Member
7572 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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NikkiBee18 :  Yep I also had a few friends like this in college. They were “saving” themselves for marriage for religious reasons, but had anal sex in the meantime “because it didn’t count.” 

I think it’s all a bit arbitrary the way people define “real sex,” but whatever, to each their own. OP, if you’re really committed to waiting, then I would halt all sexual activity between now and the wedding. Nothing more than kissing while fully clothed. And try to avoid situations where you’re alone in a bedroom together. That’s the best way to resist temptation I’d think.

fwiw I did not wait, despite being raised in a religious household where sex before marriage was viewed as super sinful. I have no regrets…I know I’m not your target audience tho.

Post # 13
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

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springtimewedding1987 :  I really wanted to wait until I was married to have sex. That didn’t happen. I don’t regret having sex prior to marriage. In fact, I’m glad I did for a plethora of reasons. Mainly because I never realized what an amazing human experience it is. I do, however, regret not waiting until I found my fiance. I would have loved to have been able to give him all of me. If I could do it all over again, I would wait for him, and then have no hesitations. 

Post # 14
Member
6931 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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springtimewedding1987 :  For me it was worth it because I had specific reasons to wait – one being I wasn’t interested in risking pregnancy without the marriage.  Another being it’s just sort of against my ethics (without religion taking any role, fyi).  Honestly I didn’t find it hard because like you, we pretty much did everything but.  I enjoyed the slow buildup over the years from nothing to everything.  Also we have a lower libido, I think, than most people.  We aren’t the kind to screw multiple times a day all over the house or whatever it is people claim to do.

So it was something to look forward to without missing out on a ton.  In your case, you just have to decide how meaningful something like that is to you.  From my perspective you got this far, why not wait a little longer?  It’s like attaining some kind of mental goal.  From other perspectives, what are you waiting for?  It just depends on your personal goals, moral code, etc.  No judgment, we all choose differently!

Post # 15
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

My (now) husband and I are Christian, so it was spiritually important to abstain. It was such an enormous sense of peace and security to get married knowing we had the Lord’s blessing, and were doing things the right way. Time flies by, and it was such a good choice. 100% the best decision ever. 

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