(Closed) Calling all feminist bees: What traditions are you skipping and why?

posted 6 years ago in Traditions
Post # 3
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

The biggest one I skipped was changing my name. I couldn’t imagine just giving up my last name of twenty-five years for DH’s last name, so I didn’t!

Post # 4
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I thought I’d be all non-traditional, but in the end I embraced it all.  My dad couldn’t come to walk me down the aisle, and my mom wanted to do it, but I asked my uncle instead because I felt like it should be a man (not sexist enough to be given away in the first place, lol).  Planned on no veil, got one (but not the type you put over your face, uck).  Always thought I’d keep my name, changed it.  Planned on wearing pastels, went with white.  I don’t know, somehow being connected to tradition ended up trumping my feminist worries.

BUT I can’t stand it when people call me Mrs.  I correct them to Ms. EVERY time, no one ever says it on their own, even my closest friends with similar opinions!  That I find very strange.

Also, I never considered unequal vows.  Do people give different vows than each other?

Post # 5
Member
2750 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

None. I think you can be a feminist and still embrace traditions. 

Post # 6
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

– being escorted down the aisle
– veil (though I might wear a birdcage)
– garter toss
– bouquet toss
– traditional vows 

Post # 7
Member
4327 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

My name is stll my name. I walked myself down the aisle. No daddy-daughter dance. No garter toss. (No bouquet toss either, but I think the garter is worse) We wrote the ceremony ourselves, so we were equal in all ways there.

Post # 8
Member
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m not changing my name, and our vows will be super equal. We are also going to do a marriage equality reading, and something having to do with marriage as a partnership between two equals.I am definitely not doing a garter or bouquet.

But my Dad is walking me down the aisle (my mom is shy and would feel uncomfortable joining us), there will be no like “who gives this woman” question. I am wearing a veil (it was my mother’s and it looks pretty) and I think there will be some sort of father daughter dance.

Post # 9
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

~  My partner and I walked down the aisle together. To me it meant that we are embracing this journey together on equal footing

~   I did not wear a veil

~  I wanted a red dress but could not find one at the time

~  We wrote our own vows

~  I did not want garter/bouquet toss

~  I kept my name (We toyed with an idea of changing both of our names to something else but it didn’t seem to work logistically)

Post # 10
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

The great thing about the feminist movement is that it gives us ladies the option to do things or not do them according to our personal taste, meaning we can be 100% “traditional” simply because we like the aesthetic. This is why I will still have my father walk me down the aisle- not for him to give me away, per se, but to honor the role he’s had in my life. I will be changing the wording though- when the priest asks “who gives this woman to this man”, my parents will say together “with our blessing, she gives herself”. As for a veil, I’m wearing one because I like how they look, but there will be no blusher b/c I tried one on in the store and kind of freaked out. I’ve also put a lot of thought into the readings to express that our relationship is an equal partnership- not the easiest thing to do within the confines of a Catholic ceremony, but it can be done.

Post # 11
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I was torn about the escorted walk down the aisle because the symbolism creeps me out but I love my Dad and wouldn’t want him to think I’m slighting him…so I think we will do that. There won’t be any “who gives this woman” rhetoric though.

I probably won’t wear a veil; if I do it will be more of a “fashiony” veil than a traditional veil. 

DEFINITELY no bouquet toss or garter thing. I don’t even think of those as traditional, just…blech.

I’m not changing my name.

We’re writing our ceremony. For the vow exchange we’re going to do the traditional vows as I think there’s something to be said for repeating the same words that our parents said, and their parents, and their parents, etc. But there’s nothing in there that is unequal. 

Post # 12
Member
356 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Definitely not having anything about “obeying” my husband in there, and CERTAINLY not changing my last name!

Post # 13
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My husband did not ask for permission or blessing.

My parents both walked me down the aisle. I wanted to walk in with my husband, but he really wanted to wait for me, so I conceded and they escorted me instead. No “who gives this woman” stuff, though. I just kissed them both and went up.

I had a veilesque thing, but most people would not call it a veil.

No garter/bouquet tosses

Our ceremony was 100% secular, completely equal and preformed by a judge

My name stays as is!

Post # 14
Member
3082 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

The only thing I’m doing that’s not traditional is that I am hyphenating my name instead of taking his own. I have professional certifications in my name and I don’t want to go through the whole process (and expense) of changing them. Plus it’s the name I’ve had for 28 (by then) years so I don’t want to change it. 

Post # 15
Member
1663 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

No garter or bouquet toss.

 

I’m thinking of walking down the aisle alone, but haven’t quite decided yet.  I definitely want to look at our ceremony wording…. not sure how much leeway I will have as we’re getting married in a Catholic church, but we’ll see.

Post # 16
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m walking myself (despite numerous opinions to the contrary)

No father/daughter dance (I’m pretty sure both my dad and I would be mortified)

No bouquet/garter toss

No “who gives this woman”

We’re writing our own vows and the ceremony

No veil (of any kind)

 

 

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